Thursday, November 13, 2008

Men and Intimacy: 5 Myths about men, love and intimacy

I think this comes from one of those article mills (you know, essays for undergrads), but the content is pretty good.

Men and Intimacy: 5 Myths about men, love and intimacy

Author: Dr. Richard Nicastro

When it comes to love, men often get a bad rap.

"You only hear about the guys who are abusive or cheat, but how about the tons of men who are faithful and kind?" ~John

"I've been married for over twenty years. I know I'm not perfect, but I can honestly say that I do my best to be a good husband…I care about what my wife thinks of me as a husband and father." ~Hale

"It scares me to admit this, but I'd be totally lost without my wife. She 's my best friend and she tells me that I'm hers. Making her happy is everything to me..." ~Luis

These are some of the messages several men shared with me while discussing their thoughts about intimacy, their partners and spouses. Before long, a theme arose: What especially bothered these men were the rampant myths about men and love.

Men and Intimacy:

Myth 1: Men do not value emotional connection.

Myth 2: Men do not care about their partners'/spouses' feelings.

Myth 3: Men only want sex (rather than emotional connection).

Myth 4: Men are controlling and tell women what to do (and therefore prefer passive women).

Myth 5: Men would rather spend time with their guy friends than their wives/girlfriends.

Let 's take a closer look at the first myth, the one that claims that men do not value emotional closeness. This myth arises out of the difficulty some men have with emotions: in particular, talking about and sharing their feelings. This reality is rooted in the way in which many men are socialized. Emotional self-expression is not considered an important and useful trait for many men.

Of particular importance is the way in which fathers (and other male mentors) act as role-models for their sons. While many fathers are becoming more comfortable with their sons' emotional lives, some fathers continue to hold the expectation that once their male child hits a certain age, this emotionality will give way to stoic control.

Read the whole article.

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