Thursday, March 26, 2009

Forum Discussion - Showing Masculinity in a Relationship?

I came across this post and the ensuing discussion this morning in my Google feeds. While it isn't the most enlightened conversation, it is probably a pretty accurate picture of where some men are in trying to find their masculinity in a post-patriarchal world.
Showing Masculinity in a Relationship?

Over the past two months, my girlfriend has started to bring up issues... some small, some large... I am hearing a lot more of this phrase recently:

"I feel like...."

It is difficult to pinpoint exactly what it is that I may be able to fix. Some things in the past, I will admit, were my need to become more high value. One topic that has come up several times is that I need to become more masculine.

The other day: "I never knew I could be in love with someone so much, yet who isn't as masculine"

I mentioned that I realized her concern, and I understood. I have read david deida, but haven't found a good way of implementing it. i.e. - I have come way too close to overcompensating manliness since her bringing it up.

So a lot more little insecurities of the relationship are popping up on her side. I know what is needed, for me to just vanquish them all.. and kick all her insecurities in the ass. It's being a man at a different level, but how to do that?

sidenote: This girl is prob. the most decisive girl i've ever seen. She has had guys cheat on her in the past... so when i distanced myself emotionally, I went too far, and she shit-tested me with jealousy to bring me back. A friend (girl) of mine mentioned to show just a little bit jealousy to show I cared (which I hadn't yet at that point). I think I erred and showed too much, thus becoming nice guy. She isn't the kind that sticks around if an issue comes up, but runs away from it.

In the end, I think it comes down to manliness? How do I show that?

I do crack effeminate jokes from time to time, and have reduced it... I think when I hit the lovebug, I'm so attracted to the feminine that I mimick it a bit too much in jokes, mannerisms, etc.

I've done chivalry, distancing myself, improving the sex life... maybe i am misfire-ing and too far in my head.
Please do read the comments for this thread - it's interesting how people have responded to this guy's issue. It's an old conversation, but the perspectives are interesting.

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