Monday, May 18, 2009

Bobbi Wingham - Nine Traits of a Masculine Man

Found this post randomly, but it reminds me of David Deida to a degree. This came from the site of Henry Makow Ph.D., although I have no idea in hell who that is (the front page of his site [as of 2/17/11] claims Facebook and Google are CIA fronts).

UPDATED (2/17/11): Just to be clear, I am not a huge supporter of these "traditional values" approaches to masculinity - this is a retro version of masculinity that keeps men trapped in out-dated and limited ways of being. Which is not to say that these are not generally good values to hold - there is just much more to being a healthy, well-rounded man.

Nine Traits of Masculine Men

May 14, 2009

Gregory_Peck_0001.jpgby Bobbi Wingham (a woman, ex feminist)

Women need to encourage men to be masculine - who they really are and not who women think they should be. This means women should back off. But, for the guys out there who haven't got a clue who they are and what real women want and need, here goes:

The Traits of a Masculine Man

1. Confidence: Believe in yourself, not only that you can do what you set out to do, but that you already are what you need to be (even if on the outside it doesn't yet show). Everything begins with a thought. Watch your thinking. In the Bible, it says, "As a man thinketh, so is he." A masculine man is confident even in the face of rejection and its aftermath so that it doesn't phase him and he moves on if necessary. A truly confident man has nothing to prove.

2. Courage: A masculine man is courageous (I'm not talking about being willing to do stupid stunts, either), willing to do what is necessary without showing weakness (even if you are scared to death). A man cannot be truly courageous and brave if he does not fear something. If a woman is carrying on and wanting to pick a fight, don't back down and run away (but don't fight either). A woman is not a child, but would you run out the door if a child were throwing a tantrum or would you stay and handle the situation?

3. Responsibility: Take responsibility for what happens in your life and stop being a victim. Being a victim is exactly what our society expects you to be. Be who you really are intended to be - a leader and victor. Make plans and carry them out. Don't fear failure. Someone once said, "If you show me a man who has never made a mistake, I'll show you a man who has never done anything." Refuse to be a victim no matter what you encounter. Consider yourself a "warrior" and victor in all of life's curve balls. Change your plans if necessary, take charge of your life and where it goes. Learn from the battles lost and go on to win the war.

4. Discipline: Take charge of your life and what goes on in it. Carry out and complete your goals. Do everything you say you will do. Eat right and stay in shape, therefore you will also be able to think more clearly.

5. Honesty, Integrity, and Kindness: Be honest with yourself and others holding yourself to the highest of standards. Find the fine line between kindness and honesty when necessary. Sometimes, one is more important than the other. With some finesse, you will be able to be honest and kind at the same time. Be kind and gentle toward women, children, and the elderly.

6. Treat Women Like Women: Most of today's men don't seem to have a clue anymore (this is largely because of feminism). I take my kids to Judo practice and am saddened by what I experience there. There are only a few chairs and they are always full of both men and women. When I arrive, not one man ever offers me his chair - a masculine thing. Real men honor women. Real men treat others with respect and dignity. I once read about two men standing on a sidewalk when a prostitute walked by. One man tipped his hat and said, "Good day, ma'am." The other looked the other way, then later asked, "Why did you even speak to her, she's a prostitute!" To which he replied, "I greeted her not because of who she is but because of who I am." This is a masculine man.

7. Listen: We have two ears and one mouth for good reason - we are supposed to be doing twice as much listening as speaking. When a woman speaks, listen with your heart. Instead of thinking, "Oh great, here she goes again." think, "She has a need. What is it? What can I do to help." This goes against the nature of today's men, it seems. They want to strike back and have forgotten who they are dealing with. When a woman lets you know she 's upset, what she is really doing is asking you to take charge and help her. It is a cry for help. Most of the time she will just need your love, understanding, and a listening ear, but under no circumstances are you to take abuse from her. Make that very clear. You must keep your cool. A woman will not respect a man who looses his cool in the face of adversity.

8. Defend the Weak: Protect and provide for your family and anyone who is being unfairly attacked. Consider getting martial arts training, learn to use guns and keep them ready, etc. Be prepared for disasters and have a plan. Refuse to allow anyone to overstep their boundaries, but be smart about how you accomplish this. Plan ahead. Remember, you are a leader so act like one.

9. Inspire submission: A masculine man in a relationship with a woman will always inspire and never force her submission. He will remain a gentleman at all times when dealing with a woman.

For you women who want this kind of man (and most do no matter what they say), this is the easy part. You don't have to give your man a long list of rules or tell him how to be a man; it's already there inside him. Just step back, show him respect, and let him decide. Encourage him gently not so much with words but your actions. Give him time and space. If you step back he'll have to step up to fill the void you once filled, or else there is no relationship.


Frank said...

I like this post a lot, am considering whether to forward to my adult sons. Both of them have shotgun and rifle training, but I'm not so sure about the "keep guns ready" part. In most conflicts, firearms or other weapons will endanger more lives (including your own) than they defend. Unless you love shooting or hunting enough to do it regularly, continued martial arts training and the discipline it instills is a better idea.

Marni said...


I LOVE this post. One of my amazing male clients sent this to me and I am so happy he did. I could not agree more with each trait and with the statement that many men have forgotten how to be men.

More importantly, I agree with the first statement about women. We have to back the F*%K off :-)

My belief is that we women are striving so hard to be heard and succeed that we are forgetting to appreciate ourselves and others.

I will be posting this on my site.

WH said...

Hi Marni - Glad you found this useful. I hope that the guys you work with are also capable of being vulnerable and authentic - men don't need to put on false masks or play games to get dates - being honest and real works much better and will attract a higher quality partner.