Saturday, June 20, 2009

Tripp Lanier - Kill Your Idols - How to Build a Virtual Men's Group

Nice article from Tripp on how to build an virtual men's group.

Kill Your Idols -- How to Build a Virtual Men's Group

Kill Your Idols -- What Does that Mean?

Perhaps you’ve heard the statement, “Kill Your Idols”. Does that mean we can’t admire others? Are we supposed to train ourselves to dismiss the folks we find most inspiring?

For me, it’s about watching what happens when we place *anyone* on a pedestal. Guys (and I’m guilty of this, too) will place certain women on a pedestal -- elevating her to a place where she’s actually no longer a human being. Instead she’s a blank screen for us to project our fantasies, hopes and desires. It’s basically another version of objectification (guys in the friend zone, pay attention).

Ask any woman worth her salt if she wants some guy gushing over her all the time without actually SEEING WHO SHE IS and she’ll think it’s gross.

A wise man once told me as we watched a “Goddess” float across the street -- “She wipes her butt everyday just like you do.” And it’s true. By elevating her beyond humanity I was performing a real disservice to both parties. Point taken.

So how does that apply to our “idols”?

Like most people, I get inspired by various men and women. I don’t know them personally, but when I see them “doing their thing” I get fired up and want to do MY thing. What’s happening here? Am I creating a fantasy and buying into it?

Let’s see...

In the past I could make it about them. “That person
makes me feel amazing.” Which is actually bullshit. No one makes you feel anything.

And yet, I still felt something positive. I felt more energy and had a desire to act positively. How could I harness that inspiration without it being about THEM?

“I’m inspired by that person and I want to use that energy to do my thing.”

Stay tuned, we’ll get back to this in just a second...

A Virtual Men’s Group

I’m a big fan of men’s groups and one of the reasons why is that when I participate in a group with solid men I get “pulled up” to a better version of myself. For instance, being around solid, accountable guys has me be more solid and accountable in my life -- even when they’re not present.

The same could be said for hanging out with dudes that aren’t solid or accountable. If I were to spend more time with them, I imagine that I would become less solid and accountable. Simple, and yet I’ve experienced this quite a few times.

I receive a lot of emails from guys wanting to know about men’s groups in their area, how they can start one, etc. Well, here’s a little experiment you can try to see if you can benefit from the little phenomenon I described above.

The other day, I went online and downloaded some candid photos of various men that are inspiring to me. I chose pictures that showed them flashing a genuine (not posed) smile. To me, their hearts seemed open and available.

After I lined up the photos on my computer screen, I sat back and thought, “Who would I have to BE to contribute to these men’s lives? Who would I have to BE to deserve a friendship with these men? Who would I have to BE to sit in a circle with them?”

What struck me is that in the past I would’ve asked, “What do I have to HAVE in order to...” The emphasis is on
having something, some external accomplishment like multi-platinum record sales, a national TV show, millions in the bank, etc.

But this time it was more about BEING. Who would I have to BE?

Stay with me.

I got present in my body and felt my chest expand. And then I noticed what felt like an energetic space right in front of me. The answer FELT like I just had to really OWN being Me. I just had to fully STEP INTO BEING ME.

In other words, I just had to be the bigger version of me that is already here. For some reason, I was waiting for permission or some kind of external reason to actually be the best guy I could be. Bright, present, grounded, heartfelt and ballsy -- the list could go on.

And this energetic place was right there and I just had to claim it, to step into it. What was it like? For me this place feels like a deep confidence, a deep knowing, a solid trusting in myself and the universe. No amount of external “prizes” could provide that.

And yes, it was f--king weird. :)

So what does this really mean?

To me, “killing your idols” means something different. I recognize that many people are operating at a frequency that is truly exceptional. They make the world a better place just by being themselves and sharing their gifts -- whether they are entertaining others, awakening minds or changing diapers.

When I place my idols on a pedestal, I miss the opportunity to RISE to that level. It keeps me “below” them. In my body it feels like a collapse. It’s as if I’m saying, “You’re better than me and I’ll never be that good...”


Well, what would have to happen INSIDE of me in order to step into that greatness? How can I tap into that for myself RIGHT NOW?

I’ll keep you posted. :-)

So, your challenge should you choose to accept it:
  1. Create a list of 5-10 people that really inspire you. Maybe it’s their deeds in the world, but see if you can discern the difference between their accomplishments and how you actually feel just by seeing them.
  2. Collect photos of these people in candid, open and available states -- I found that I was most attracted to my list of people when they were “caught” smiling -- not posing.
  3. This is key -- Line up the photos in front of you. Take a moment to notice what comes alive in you. What do you feel?
  4. Feel it in your body. Is it in your chest (mine was), throat, belly? Make a mental note to listen to this part of your body.
  5. Consider yourself pregnant. Nurture this sensation and focus on it. Allow it to grow. Touch it. Warm it up. Love it up. This IS your power.
  6. After a few breaths, ask yourself, “Who do I have to BE to become a part of this group? What in me is called forward?”
  7. Practice this process everyday until you can OWN this. This is your greatness. It can’t be given to you. You have to claim it.
Shoot me an email and let me know what worked for you.

1 comment:

Justus said...

Great article! I especially like the idea of getting photos of people (guys) who inspire you and 'feeling into' the state that they engender in you - moving it from the rational to the emotional level. Ideal sticks much longer once they've been brought down to the heart level...