Monday, March 28, 2011

Owen Marcus - Macho Is Dead

Cool short post from Owen Marcus from his site, Owen Marcus: Sculptor of change. He's advocating for a balanced masculinity, one that is strong and tender, firm and flexible. This is only one of many useful posts at his blog, so go check out his other offerings.

Macho Is Dead

Macho is dead—but so is the nice guy.

Our new masculinity is something between the two: a man who can be emotionally demonstrative, and still stand strong as a man. It’s a man who can cherish his woman and say no to her. It’s a man who adores his woman, and also has a life beyond his relationship.

1942 photograph of Carpenter at work on Dougla...

Image via Wikipedia

Do you know a man like this? Until recently, the answer would probably have been no. Yet today there are more and more men evolving into this new paradigm of masculinity. As much as our fathers loved us, they didn’t teach us this, or model this paradigm for us. So now, we’re teaching each other.

We take workshops, get coached, read websites, join men’s groups, read books, talk to each other about this, search out new role models. We’re teaching ourselves to be Remarkable Men.

The new macho

For hundreds—if not thousands—of years, men in Western culture were told to be tough: don’t show your feelings. That’s a good thing in battle; it’s not a good thing in relationships. As we realized we want more from our relationships, we looked for new ways to be in relationships. Other men didn’t know, so we looked to women: they seemed to have something we didn’t have, so we modeled them.

We learned to be sensitive men. We learned to feel and express our emotions. We even learned to be overwhelmed by these emotions. Often, we collapsed into these emotions.

Eventually, we learned that being emotional like women is not masculine. Then we panicked, feeling damned if we did and damned if we didn’t. Emotionally, we froze.

Finally, someone asked, how does a man stay a man while expressing his emotions? But there were no men modeling this. What’s a guy to do?

You’ll learn through trial and error. Over the last decade, I have seen a wave of men learning to stand in their emotions and not collapse. These men can feel and express and still get the job done. They are sensitive and tough at the same time. They are expressive macho men.

Use the links and resources mentioned on this site to guide you into finding what it means for you to be this new macho man. Men’s groups can be the fast track to creating this new paradigm within you.

How could this new macho show up in your life?


Michael Taylor said...

The world is crying out for a new paradigm of masculinity. Men are hungry for this dialog (even if they aren't aware of it) and I believe it is the most important conversation that men are not having in our society. The good news is that more and more men are becoming open to this dialog and men like Owen are leading the way to support men in discovering new ways of being men in this fast paced ever-changing world we live in.

Kudos to Owen and the Masculine Heart for supporting male transformation.

william harryman said...

Thanks Michael - That's high praise coming from you. I admire the work you are doing as well. Together, we all can make a difference, one man at a time.