This has been something I have thought a lot about over the years - and in the past I saw them as very different things. More recently, however, it is my experience (and that of my partner) that it's possible to do both at the same time.
F***ing and Making Love: What’s the Difference, Men?
February 23, 2012 By
Sherri Rosen went in search of some answers.
I was curious on what is going on with men and whether they know the difference between fucking and making love. So I decided to have a set of 10 questions to ask many different males—different races, ages, single, married—to see what they had to say.
Before we start, we need some distinction between “making love” and “fucking.” Fucking, Wikipedia says, is “the act of sexual intercourse.” Making love, says Wikipedia: “It’s a bonding, a reinforcement of the partners commitment to one another.”
Now here are the responses.
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Lawrence, 65
Do you know the difference between fucking and making love? Have you ever thought about it?
I’m writing this in the context of a long, healthy marriage. I think we express both in the marriage. We have a lot of intimacy, a lot of fun, some playful aggression and the occasional fight. All of it is the substance of love making, which we generally think is ongoing. It’s like extended foreplay. Then suddenly, for no particular reason unless one of us asks for it, there’s sexual intercourse . . . or sexual commerce in its many manifestations.
Other times, it’s just plain fucking. A “let’s get it done, and move on.” I like that we can be so direct with one another.
Do you care about the difference?
I think the difference makes the relationship richer.
Do you feel it’s important for a couple to please one another or just fuck?
I think it goes without saying. As soon as you say couple, you’re saying it’s not a one-night stand. And couples want to please one another. If they don’t, then it’s not a couple. It’s 2 individuals occupying the same space.
How do you feel about communicating your sexual needs with your partner and your partner to you?
Gotta do it. Again, enriches the relationship. You don’t want a one note symphony, gets boring. And I don’t know your instrument as well as I know mine, so I gotta hear from you.
Is sex different married as opposed to being single?
Sure. It’s better. See the symphony analogy. It’s a whole orchestra when you’re married, lots of different notes and tones, some of them quite base and dark. Others light and airy. Single, it’s more like a band.
Do you believe it’s the quality of sex or just how many times a week that’s most important?
Come on, especially as your life gets complicated . . . lots of demands upon time and creativity . . .
Do you feel the women you have slept with know the difference between fucking and making love?
I think it’s got a lot to do with age and maturity. These are the distinctions of age, a wine mellowed to full fruitiness. They are also the distinctions of sanity. I’ve been plenty insane in my time, and slept with plenty of similar crazies. Fact is, you’ve got to be sober to enjoy the most expensive and rarest wines. If you are crazy drunk, even Thunderbird looks good to you.
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Mike, 38
Do you know the difference between fucking and making love? Have you ever thought about it?
Not sure if I “know” the difference. The first time I thought about it was when I was 13 when I saw Eddie Murphy Raw. Eddie got caught by his girlfriend cheating with another woman. His defense to her: “Yes, I fucked her! I fucked her! But I make love to you.”
What is fucking to you? What is making love to you?
Sometimes fucking falls under the umbrella of making love and sometimes they can be considered opposites. In general, both are done passionately with consideration to your partner. Making love is perhaps a little slower, giving more time for romance and satisfying your partner’s emotional and physical needs. Fucking is consensual sex that is intense, aggressive and more about taking control. In my experience, the power factor heightens the level of excitement. Both ‘making love’ and ‘fucking’ are necessary for a healthy sexual relationship.
Do you care about the difference?
I think there is a time and a place for each.
Do you feel it’s important for a couple to please one another or just fuck?
Couples should always try to please each other, even when they are fucking.
How do you feel about communicating your sexual needs with your partner and your partner to you ?
Very comfortable.
Is sex different married as opposed to being single?
I don’t know.
Do you believe it’s the quality of sex or just how many times a week that’s most important?
Quality.
Do you feel the women you have slept with know the difference between fucking and making love?
I think most of my previous partners share my point of view. All of them wanted to make love as well as get fucked.
Do you feel both are important in a relationship?
Absolutely.
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