Is Fighting a Part of Manhood?

Robbie Dillon recently had an article at AskMen.com on "The Joy of Punching," in which he argues that fighting is a cornerstone of his masculine identity- that having beaten others and been beaten himself is a "badge of honor."

Interestingly, AskMen linked to another article from their site that outlines the Top Ten: Masculinity Myths, one of which is that "real men fight."

Real men fight 

We’re still not sure why some men resort to fisticuffs in order to prove their manliness. There’s perhaps nothing more barbaric than watching two boozy meatheads trade blows outside a club, usually for reasons as mundane as a scuffed sneaker. Don’t get us wrong. We’re the first to promote fighting as a method of defending yourself or the ones you love from physical harm. But punching someone in the face because you like the way spilled blood looks on the sidewalk or the way a shattered nose feels against your knuckles isn't manly; it’s moronic.

Dillon seems to take some pride in being a man who fights and who will always fight. Here is the beginning of his article:

You’re a nice guy. I get that. You think violence is stupid and unnecessary, and you’re right. But let’s play make-believe for a minute. It’s Saturday night. You’re walking out of the movies with your girlfriend, or maybe you’re in the lineup at a club. Some jerk eyes your date up and down and says, “Hey, baby girl. Where you goin' tonight?” She ignores him. So far, so good. Then he grabs her arm and pulls her toward him. You tell him to let her go. He shoves you away with his free hand and says, “Whatta ya gonna do about it?” 

So? What are you going to do about it?

I've been in a few scraps in my day. Some I’m a little ashamed of, a lot more I feel pretty good about. I once kneed a racist cop in his balls so hard that I lifted him three inches off the ground. His buddies gave me a good working over in the back stairwell of the police station, but hard as they tried, they couldn't smack the grin off my face. I laid another guy out with a single punch after he insulted my aunt and her girlfriend down at the local bar one night. People who were there still talk about it.

I've also taken my share of beatings, which, as far as I’m concerned, is a badge of honor -- no one can accuse me of picking my shots. I've been punched, kicked, slashed with knives and had guns pointed in my face. I once took a boot to the back of the head that put me in a coma and left me with dizzy spells and blurred vision for the better part of a year. Still, my biggest regrets are the handful of fights I've had to walk away from.

Don’t get me wrong -- it’s not like I go looking for trouble, but when it comes knocking, I don’t exactly bar the door. I’m not a violent person, but I know that fighting has always been, and probably always will be, a part of my life. The ability to defend myself and those close to me, to stand up for those who can’t protect themselves, is one of the cornerstones of my identity, inseparable from my idea of what it means to be a man.

Huffington Post does a podcast, HuffPost Live, and they tackled this article and the idea of fighting as an element of masculinity. One of the Good Men Project editors (Social Justice Editor, Cameron Conaway) participated, as well as GQ and Vice writer Gavin McInnes, and some others.

McInnes offered up the old-school tough-guy masculinity norm (read: bullshit): “You’re not a real man, until you've had your heart broken, you've broken a heart, you've beaten someone up and you've had the crap beaten out of you.”

Ivan "Doc" Holiday, who runs a bouncer school, is even more pugilistic than Dillon or McInnes.

Conaway (a former MMA fighter), along with the moderator, was the lone voice of reason, in my opinion. He argued that fighting to protect oneself is much different than fighting because you have a short fuse (like McInnes).

Here is the conversation from HuffPost:


The question asked at the Good Men Project is: "What do you think? Is Cameron right that there’s a big difference between fighting to protect oneself (as even the Dalai Lama said he would do, if necessary) and allowing adrenaline to shorten one’s wick?"

I have not hit anyone since I was in college (one punch to a drunk guy harassing a female friend). Before that it had been several years. However, when I was in 3rd-6th grades, I fought a LOT.

First, while I still lived in California, it was protecting myself and my friends from bullies. When I moved to rural Southern Oregon, fighting was how the boys established who was the alpha male, but this was not punching each other in the face fighting, it was basically wrestling each other into submission. Moving there in the 4th grade, I was the new guy, so I was challenged frequently.

I agree with some of these guys that when there is no other option, it may be necessary to fight. But there are always other options. And if those fail, brawling is not the answer, either. If it comes to that point, ideally one should incapacitate the threat as quickly and efficiently as possible (knees, nose, eyes, and shoulders/elbows are the easiest ways to drop a guy). Exchanging punches is a losing proposition all around.

It was my father who taught me how to defend myself, but it was also my father who taught me that a quick mind is much more effective than a quick temper.

LL Cool J Breaks Burglar's Jaw, Detains Thief Until Police Arrive

LL Cool J is a big man, and it appears he's also badass enough to protect his home and family without a gun. According to stories all over the web today, LL Cool J beat the crap out a man who had broken into his San Fernando Valley home last night. The unnamed suspect was still receiving treatment for a broken nose and broken jaw as the story hit the press.

From Huffington Post:

When LL Cool J was surprised by an intruder who had tripped the alarm system at his Studio City home in Los Angeles home around 1 a.m. this morning, he decided the fend off the man himself.

At over 6 feet tall and a hulking 200-pounds plus (of pure muscle, we're guessing), it was no surprise he was able to overcome the burglar and detain him until police could arrive.

The Associated Press reports that police responded to a call to 9-1-1 from a girl who said her father was holding a man who had broken into the home.

When police got to the scene, they found the perpetrator with minor bruises and LL Cool J unharmed. The man reportedly did not take anything but was still arrested on suspicion of burglary, said law enforcement officials.

A spokesperson for the L.A. police originally said that the call came from a home on Blairwood Drive, a street on which LL Cool J's real name, "James Smith," is listed as a resident. It was later confirmed to TMZ that it was indeed the home of the rapper-turned actor.

“As a father, husband and citizen, [LL Cool J] is committed to keeping his family safe and is cooperating with authorities on this private matter," said the spokesperson in a statement to the Daily News.

Very cool - a man who is a musician, an actor, a family man, and can kick ass and take names when necessary.

Cool J told Men's Health Magazine in 2006 that his workout program includes "free-weight bodybuilding exercises, plyometrics, fighters' moves, calisthenics, and endurance training, all designed to build muscle while burning fat." Among the fun things he does are 100 meter sprints, running hills in a weighted vest, and mixes of old school bodybuilding with high-intensity cardio - all done with his trainer, Scooter Honig.

I've always admired Cool J even while not being a rap/hip-hop fan. He chose his own path in the industry - not gangsta and not political - and fused rap/hip-hop with pop music appeal. He has been incredibly successful and has also been labeled a sell-out by some factions of the rap community.

He responded to the worst of it, in 1990, with Mama Said Knock You Out (see below), a huge hit and his hardest music to that point - the best-selling record in his career.

More importantly, he has been married to the same woman since 1995, and they have four children (oldest is 22, youngest is 11). It's rare to see anyone in the music or acting stay married that long, maybe more so for man coming out of the rap community.

On the page devoted to him at AskMen.com, he is quoted:

"Keeping it real ain't about carrying a gun or smoking blunts. It's about being true to yourself and those around you." 

He has been active in politics, supporting both Republican and Democratic candidates - based not on their political party, but on what they do for the community. His support of NY Governor George Pataki (R) grew out of meeting him at an assisted-living project fund-raiser in Cool J's old neighborhood (where his grandparents raised him following his parents' divorce when he was 4 years old).

He has also been active in helping youth, according to Rolling Stone:

He taped a radio commercial for a "Stay in School" literacy campaign and founded the Camp Cool J Foundation and Youth Enterprises, a program for urban youth.

Here is the video for Mama Said Knock You Out, which we can now take a bit more literally.