Friday, June 13, 2008

Rob McNamara - A Broken Heart

Rob McNamara, blogging over at Gaia (formerly Zaadz), posted this excellent piece about being with his "broken heart." I commend him for saying so well what so few men can ever acknowledge let alone express so eloquently. To embrace our lives is to confront the beauty and impermanence of being alive, fully, joyfully, heart-breakingly alive.

This is the true masculine heart.

A Broken Heart

Tears are my friend of late.

I can't help but allow them to flow gently down my cheeks. I've gotten to the point where I don't even bother wiping them away. I love the feeling of their soft paths drying on their own time.

There's something beautiful about walking along a side walk with tears rolling down my face, about the softest of tears cooling my cheeks as I check my mail box. There's something precious about tears rolling out from my eyes as I press hundreds of pounds from my heart or as I cycle on a stationary bicycle. Sometimes the tears land just perfectly on my knee.

Life is so utterly heart breaking right now. To breathe in my life right now is shatteringly painful. This very breath wells tears into my eyes. Why?

This is all just too precious, this beautiful radiant moment is so precious. I seemingly can't stand how much I love life. On one hand there's no "thing" about life that stands out right now, it's just this beautiful field of life that breaks my heart. On the other hand, it's seemingly just about anything that can pierce through my heart. Sometimes its someone's eyes, an heart felt invitation, someone protecting themselves, a song dancing within my heart...

Part of me wants to possess, to hold on to this dancing immediacy. Part of me knows I can't hold any of this. To do so would close me down to the very love and vitality that hurts with such beauty. I think this dives into the heart of what is so shatteringly penetrating. My heart loves this moment with a gasping unconditioned embrace, and there's the part of me that wants to hold on, to possess something when ultimately there's nothing to have here.

The impermanence of this life is just so penetrating, so uncompromising. I can feel just how fast and fleeting this life is. I'm 30 now. I'm utterly shocked by this fact. I never thought my life would last this long. And yet I can still feel the time of the transcendent in my bones, this is all going to be over in just a few moments, just a few blinks of the Kosmic eye. Rob will soon be gone. I take form, I change, I dissolve and pass away.

In the meantime, the only thing that matters is to Love. To articulate my Love's Kindness in every gesture that animates this body-mind.

Kindness, Kindness, Kindness.

Kindness not born of convention, but a Kindness that knows only the beauty of this moment and the precious opportunity to dance from Love's timeless unconditioned source.

Does anything else really matter? Does anything else truly hold this depth?


Tali said...

This is a fabulous piece of literary excellence. What a tremendous expression of your creative mind. Please write more!

john dupuy said...

Love this. So true. Beautiful.