Thursday, August 19, 2010

Jayson Gaddis - Men and Sex

Nice post from Jayson - and I am not familiar with David Cates so I'll have to look into his work. Jayson will be hosting and leading some events around sexuality in the next few months, so I'll post the schedule below the article.

One of the the things I have learned as I have aged is that sexual energy is generally wasted on the young. We do not teach our young people that sexual intimacy is often best when it is about just that, intimacy - about being with and being open to the person we love. If we are caught up in the performance aspects of sex, we are not present to the person and the moment.

Even when we are 'fucking' rather than 'making love,' being present transforms the experience from one of getting off to one of exploring or being with our animal nature, which produces its own form of vulnerability and intimacy.

There is no greater vulnerability or intimacy than being physically, emotionally, and spiritually naked with another human being. It's that presence, being in the moment, whatever that moment is, that transforms the physical act of sex to something deeper and more spiritual.

Men and Sex

Fri, Aug 13, 2010

Art by Bryce Widom

Art by Bryce Widom

Most men are locked up and confused sexually.

I am a student when it comes to sex. Sex has brought me incredible shame and unbelievable joy in my life.

Pretty much every guy I have ever talked to about his sex life has been challenged one way or another in the bedroom.

Sex is the most widely googled term. By in large, we are a sexually repressed culture and it leaks out in hypersexualized images everywhere.

Most of us grew up being robbed of a genuine, heartfelt, honest education about sex. Men (and women of course) have received a ridiculous amount of misinformation about sex from boyhood to manhood. Many men remain sexually immature, confused and illiterate. Sex education completely falls short of the what we need to succeed and feel good about ourselves sexually.

As a result, many men are unhappy and ashamed. In addition, with little to no information about the power of sex and the male sex organ, boys and men act out everywhere from rape to every form of sexual abuse and violence. Instead of learning about his erectile dysfunction, a man can now just take a pill to get a hard on without ever addressing the hidden intelligence of his body’s flaccidity. We remain numb, asleep, angry, hurt, isolated, and very confused about sex.

However, there are pockets of wisdom out there where children, teens and adults can get all the information they need. Brave folks like David Cates are paving the way to help us re-claim the totality of our sexuality. Last year I hired David who is a deep sexual healer (a.k.a. sex coach) to help me. My wife and I were ready to deepen into the next sexual phase of our relationship. Being married with a new baby presents challenges to new parents like us. I was eager to get support from David and learn a new sexual dance and carve out new sexual pathways with my wife.

I have read David Deida, Mantak Chia, the Multi-Orgasmic Male, and other tantric-type books, but all of them have put me further into the “performance game” that most men find themselves in. These teachers have helped a lot of men, but most men just employ the tools without doing any spiritual work, so they lack a solid foundation. The trap is that in order to feel good sexually and get what we want, a man thinks he has to try harder, perform better, “fuck her open to God,” and do it right. He learn tricks, tips, and breathing exercises, in a never ending “project” that requires a ton of work. It’s not too long into this process that many men collapse in frustration.

David Cates, on the other hand, turns this performance game on it’s head. He is teaching me that sex can be effortless. He is teaching me the power of relaxation instead of performance. His teachings are realistic and compassionate toward both parties. I have been so psyched on what I’m learning that I asked David if he’d teach at my leadership training. He did. It rocked. Now, I have asked him yet again to share more of his wisdom in a free conference call.

I strongly suggest you at least sign up for this free call we are doing next Monday the 16th.

After that, if you want to dive in to an amazing 6-week course on the subject of how to get out of the performance game and into a place of “ease” sexually, please join us. And, it’s not what you think, seriously. Click the link to view more about what you will learn…

The Truth is In Your Body, Effortless Sex for a Lifetime

Lastly, it is time we stop keeping sex as this hidden affair. The more we all collude and not share our sexual wounds and victories, the more we let our culture dictate the rules placed upon us so long ago. Let’s talk about sex!

Here is Jayson's fall schedule of events, many of which are focused male sexuality and relationships:


18 –Free tele-class, The Truth is In Your Body, Effortless Sex that Lasts a Lifetime
Led by David Cates, hosted by Jayson Gaddis, MEN & WOMEN

25 – 6-week tele-class begins The Truth is In Your Body, Effortless Sex that Lasts a Lifetime Led by David Cates, hosted by Jayson Gaddis, Phone, MEN ONLY

28 –one day evolve.MEN.t intensive in Boulder, CO MEN ONLY. Essentially an open men’s circle for evolving and conscious men wanting the power of a tribe to help them deepen and go further.


9-11 –The New Masculine Paradigm speech at Modern Media Man Summit, Atlanta, GA. MEN & WOMEN.
15-16 –Bridging the Masculine & Feminine, Truth, Rage & Desire. Boulder. with co-facilitator Christiane Pelmas. MEN & WOMEN. Invite only
25-26 –Evolving Men’s Conference, Boulder, MEN & WOMEN, invite only


1-3 –Penetrating the Material World, Using Your Sexual power to Create an Abundant Life, a 2.2 day introductory intensive for MEN with David Cates & Jayson Gaddis
16 –one day evolve.MEN.t intensive in Boulder, CO MEN ONLY


6 –one day evolve.MEN.t intensive in Boulder, CO MEN ONLY
15-17 –Penetrating the Material World, Using Your Sexual power to Create an Abundant Life, a 6-Month Training for MEN. Boulder & Seattle. David Cates & Jayson Gaddis, application only

1 comment:

Naughty Girl Guide said...

Nice photos you have here. It’s not sexy or erotic. Its pure art and creativity. Thanks for sharing it.