This satire from The Onion is kind of funny. However, I have a soft spot in my heart for Beckham. I've long admired his gender-bending courage in how he dresses and behaves.

The only time I ever saw him play in person, after the game was over, he walked around the field barriers and signed autographs for nearly 45 minutes until security took him off the field so the next game could begin. Before leaving the field, he gave his jersey (signed) to a young girl in the stands.

He was also one of the best players I have ever seen live. When he came on the field a few minutes into the 2nd half, the quality of play seemed to increase several levels. He sent a pass 40 years in the air right to the foot of his teammate who was making a run on the opposite side of the field. His accuracy and control of the field was amazing to witness.

Highlights From David Beckham’s Career

SPORTSGRAPHIC • ISSUE 49•21 • May 23, 2013

With David Beckham retiring last week, Onion Sports examines notable moments from the soccer player’s illustrious 21-year career.

• 1993: Signs first professional contract at Old Trafford, with a guaranteed signing bonus of 3 million soccer balls
• 1994: Plays season on loan from Manchester United with the Hiawatha, IA Youth Soccer League Boys U12 Wildcats
• 1997: Caps off Premier League–winning season that included memorable victories against Manchester United foes Coventry City, Southampton, Sheffield Wednesday, Percy of the Hills, Friendly Arthur, Burbridge Tickles, and Nottingham Forest
• 1998: Infamously receives a red card during the World Cup after kicking out at Argentina’s Diego Simeone, an incident that would leave the South American with incredibly serious fake injuries
• 1999: Begins dating Spice Girl Victoria “Posh Spice” Adams, leading to the British tabloids nicknaming the couple “Posh Spice and David Beckham”
• 2005: Following Real Madrid’s victory over Barcelona, Beckham’s mother forgets to pick up her son, leaving him to wait in the parking lot for like two hours
• 2007: Makes hotly anticipated MLS debut before crowd of 30 screaming Galaxy fans
• 2010: Tears Achilles tendon, even though he was just playing soccer
• 2011: Wins an MLS cup with the LA Galaxy, completing the Triple Who-Gives-A-Shit Crown