This is a recent post from a friend of mine over at Facebook - I call him friend, even though I have never met him in person, because of his integrity in being the best man he can be, and his willingness to share that process with the rest of us. That takes strength and courage in my opinion.
This is the wisdom a lot of us need to feel - and it's already inside of us. We are always already fully worthy of love. We need not become anyone or do anything to deserve love - we need only be ourselves. And that may be one of the hardest things for any of us to do.
You can find Jeffrey at his Facebook page, or at his coaching site. There was no title for this, so I am sharing it here (with the author's permission) exactly as he shared it on Facebook.
For most of my life, I've used my level of academic, professional and financial success as a benchmark of how lovable I was—by my family, my friends, women. I needed to BE successful at all times and if not, at least APPEAR successful.
More success = more deserving of love.
Less success = less deserving of love.
Lately, I've noticed it was more pervasive than I thought. And I imagine that many men share that same pain-inducing belief. What you do and how much money you make has you gauging how worthy you are of love, attention and belonging in this world.
And for many women, I can only imagine how physical beauty can be a similar benchmark of lovability. Can you be loved for the essence of you? Without the high heels and lip-gloss? Can you be seen as smart, strong and powerful beyond your physical beauty and sex appeal?
The answer is YES.
Your lovability has absolutely nothing to do with how cool your LinkedIn profile looks. How many five-star Italian bistros you take your wife to. Whether you remember to cover the dark shadows under your eyes with concealer. Whether you have a few capital letters after your name. How curvy your hips are. Whether you live in a humble studio apartment or a 21-bedroom mansion.
It has to everything to do with the simple fact that you were born. The fact that you are here right now, reading this.
The reality is that I was lovable when I got a D in Biology. I was lovable when I was a pimply teenager with no friends to go out with on a Friday night. I was lovable when I shifted from job to job, fine-tuning my professional skills and preferences. I was lovable when I let go of credit cards, no longer keeping up with the Joneses.
And I'm lovable now as I coach others on the power of authentic connection and vulnerability, even as I share my own perfectly imperfect journey. I'm lovable now as I practice being a man on the edge of his comfort zone, surfing the waves of total unease in the unknown and strength in clarity and discovery.
I'm lovable now, because I'm me.
And even as I write this, I'm hesitant to post these vulnerable personal ideas so publicly. But if I can awaken just one man or woman to the idea that their lovability is unwavering and unequivocal, then that is all that matters. And if you resonate with any of this, please share this post or chime in below. Our lovability was never up for debate. A reminder we could all use.
— Jeffrey Oliveira Platts