Tuesday, August 12, 2008

Simple Marriage Project - The Art Of Non-Sexual Touch

This is a great -- and important -- post from Simple Marriage Project, full title: Man Up: The Art Of Non-Sexual Touch.

In my experience, one of the things men tend to mess up in relationships is thinking that all intimate touch is sexual touch. It's not. Not all intimacy is, or should be, about sex. But this post gets it right, and it needs to be read by a LOT more men.
Man Up: The Art Of Non-Sexual Touch

If you are neanderthal or cromagnum man reading this, your reaction to the title may be “What? Me must procreate!” If you are somewhat more enlightened you may be saying, “Yeah right, like there is such a thing.”

We are all sexual beings. It’s part of our design. Sexuality plays a role in most everything we encounter. Our society has become more and more sexualized. But in a marriage, there’s more to life than sex. Did I really just say that out loud?

A major component of a fulfilling marriage is the connection you sustain with your partner. However, many times this bid for connection can be met with skepticism. As if there is an ulterior motive with your wanting to touch your spouse.

There may be times where your spouse sees right through your motives. It may also be that your “moves” need a little work.

It’s my belief that most of the communication within marriage happens on a covert level. Speaking up and saying what you really think or want involves too much risk. So we figure out how to get what we want through covert action. Now to be fair, both members of the marriage are complicit in this exchange. In order to break this pattern, the truth must come out.

This could be as simple as speaking up when you are interested in going out for a guys weekend, or when you want to buy the newest techno gadget, or even when you want to have sex.

An interesting phenomenon occurs in most people when the topic of sex comes up. Everyone claims they are interested in the act, many claim to really enjoy the act, but most people have a hard time talking about it with their partner.

Pardon me while I paint with a stereotypical brush for a moment. Most men will report that in their marriage, sex is a way to gain closer connection. While most women would state they are interested in a closer connection in order to be more interested in sex.

With these differing views of the same thing, somethings bound to give.

Interesting though, both men and women report that they are interested in greater connection with their spouse. But they are going about it differently.

So what exactly is the benefit of a closer connection in marriage you ask? You tell me.

A marriage that is fully alive experiences better things in life. Better joy. Better love. Better families. Better children. Better jobs (not necessarily better money, but better fulfillment). Even better sex. While the quantity of sex may not increase, the quality will.

Incorporating more non-sexual touch in marriage will increase the level of connection. Bear in mind, the point of this type of touch is the connection, not the possibility of sex later.

Go read the seven tips offered for how to bring non-sexual touch into your relationship.


Anonymous said...

I liked this article and I think that touch is important. However, the rear pat thing has to be done the right way and in the right place (i hate it in public)

Anonymous said...

I have never read about this or heard anyone talk about this subject. I, on the otherhand, have asked for it many, many times in 12 years from my husband who only touches me when he wants some. If he starts to give me this affection I am sure I wont benefit from it until he shows that HE LOVES ME and not just make me feel like a sex object. Is there PURE MANLY Love?