Jayson Gaddis - ReWilding Men & Women–Busting Out of The Gender Boxes

I'm not crazy about the whole "rewilding" thing - seems to me there is some kind of personal growth movement that uses that term (going feral in various ways, the classic pre/trans New Age mistake) - but Jayson is rocking his evolutionary man-self, so it's all good.

ReWilding Men & Women–Busting Out of The Gender Boxes

Wed, Oct 13, 2010

Let’s face it. Men and women are stuck in gender boxes.

I remember only a year ago saying to my wife when she tried to put a light colored shirt on my son, “Honey that’s too feminine.” WTF? After her calling me on that, I realized what was driving that comment— me being trapped in the gender code of “boys wear blue, girls wear pink.”

Below that code was fearing my son would be labeled gay or feminine. Wow. Misogyny all over again. It was subtle, but that was my disdain for the feminine in me.

I had pushed down that “feminine” part of myself so far that it went underground. When this happens we let other people and our culture dictate what is true for us. From the unconscious we have little choice. So I began to shine a big light on MY feminine.

Over and over, we are taught from a very young age (even birth and in utero), how to be a boy and how to be a girl. Don’t act like this, don’t act like that. Wear this color, don’t wear that color.

Over time this traps us in a boy code and a girl code. Behavior outside the “code” is not acceptable as one may face ridicule, judgment, rejection, insult, and abandonment.

As adults, it doesn’t change much. Women, you need to act like a woman, and men, act like a man. Men, don’t act gay, weak or feminine and don’t rage. Women, don’t blah, blah, blah (women, need some help here, comment below?)

But ‘acting like a man’ implies that I need to adhere to behaviors that are acceptable within that person’s definition of “man.” Trust me, I tried that one for a while with “act like a good man or a revolutionary man.” And again, it is just another box.

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Tags: parenting, stereotypes, men, women, gender roles, Jayson Gaddis, ReWilding, Men, Women, Busting Out, Gender Boxes, relationships, expectations, culture, beliefs