[As a side note, Andrew and Tripp need to work out who gets to call their site the New Man - both are using the phrase, granted Tripp's is a podcast.]
Taking it all in...
Dear Men: I Struggle… with male friendships.
I struggle with making new friends - sometimes I judge potential friends incorrectly. Other times, I just don’t want to put myself out there - there is a part of me that is shy and withdrawn when meeting people for the first or second time.
I struggle with developing existing friendships – I never seem to get around to doing this despite my best intentions.
I struggle with being ‘inconvenienced’ by a friend or potential friend – if you call me right now to grab a coffee at Starbucks, I will probably say no because I didn’t plan for it in advance (I am working on being more spontaneous.)
I struggle with including friends in things happening in my life – I usually just do it and then think about including people afterwards.
I struggle with putting enough effort into friendships – I don’t seem to make time for friendships unless where we are meeting, when we are meeting, and what we are doing fits into my schedule, under my own terms.
I struggle with staying in touch enough or on a regular basis. I don’t know what a lot of my friends from high school and university are doing right now because I haven’t put in the effort to stay connected with them.
I struggle with friends that keep our relationship at a surface level.
I struggle with the question: ‘How many of my friends would I feel comfortable calling at 3 AM for support if I was in a crisis situation?’
I struggle with this question: ‘How many of my friends would call me at 3 AM?’
I struggle with wondering how many of my friends truly know me.
Above all, I know I need male friendships and that I can be a good friend. I am just not good at them.
Dear Men: I Struggle. And I know you do, too.
Check out his site for more good content, or to contact him for coaching.
I can relate all too well to much of this. I too am not spontaneous, and am more than a little shy (social anxiety kind of shy). So I feel him here.
But I also know that working on developing a friendship, even just one, over the last year has been very good for me. He and I met as trainer and client, but he lost his job at one point and since I liked him, I offered to work out with him from time to time. Now we work out several days a week.
I've seen him get married and have children. If I needed help moving, I could call him and he would do it, even if it sucked.
I don't know about the 3 am call, though - I don't know anyone other than my girlfriend that I would call in that situation. But that has more to do with who I am than with friendships.
But seriously - how do you make and maintain male friendships? Leave a note in the comments, please.
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