Monday, January 17, 2011

John R. Buri, Ph.D. - Men: Develop Your Feminine Side

http://sadieamanda.files.wordpress.com/2009/06/gender.gif

This article from last May looks at the Bem Sex Role Inventory and its stereotypical language for gender roles. Dr. Buri makes some good observations toward the end of the article:

Here’s my question: Why is it “masculine” to be able to defend your own beliefs, and “feminine” to be understanding? Since when is it “masculine” to be independent, and “feminine” to be compassionate?

These are each human qualities. We should each be developing greater self-reliance AND cheerfulness, greater willingness to take a stand AND the capacity to be affectionate.

For the hell of it, I retook the Bem just now (use this link, not the one in the article - this one is Java based and scores it for you - the link he offers makes you do it yourself with pen and paper).

This morning, I scored 76.316 out of 100 masculine points, 62.281 out of 100 feminine points, and 56.481 out of 100 androgynous (neutral) points. Recently, like a month or two ago, I scored higher on androgynous and feminine than on masculine.

This scale is based on stereotypical language from 1971 - there are lot of issues with this approach, not least of which is that masculinity and femininity are NOT poles on a continuum, they are distinct developmental lines, which is hinted at in this article. He says, and I agree, that many of these traits identified as feminine (compassion, friendliness, cheerfulness, etc.) are simply good human traits.

I am doing some reading for a post on this topic - gender role as developmental lines - in the near future.

On the other hand, for the majority of people still living in the ethnocentric/authoritarian and rational self-interest stages/memes, these loaded terms are probably quite accurate to how they see sex roles and gender roles.

What Self-Repecting Man Wants To Develop His "Feminine Side"?

It is not uncommon for men to hear something like the following: “You need to develop your feminine side” or “You have to let your feminine side out” or “Your masculine side is too overpowering for your feminine side.”

Let me tell you --- I don’t know any self-respecting male who is interested in developing “his feminine side.”

For each of the descriptors below, rate yourself on a scale from 1 (never or almost never true of you) to 7 (always or almost always true of you):

Defend my own beliefs

Understanding

Independent

Compassionate

Self-reliant

Cheerful

Willing to take a stand

Affectionate

These items are from the Bem Sex-Role Inventory, a scale that was developed in 1971 by Sandra Bem to measure the extent to which an individual tends to conform to the traditional stereotypes of “masculinity” and “femininity.”

[Anyone interested in taking the full scale (and scoring it) can go to the following website: http://www.neiu.edu/~tschuepf/bsri.html .]

In the list above, the 1st, 3rd, 5th, and 7th descriptors are among Bem’s “masculine” items. The remaining 4 descriptors are “feminine” items.

One of the things we know about love relationships, about marriages, and about families is this --- they are much more likely to be successful, thriving, and life-giving when both partners are Understanding, Compassionate, Cheerful, and Affectionate --- so-called “feminine” traits.

We also know that women tend to be much stronger in these traits, whereas men tend to be considerably weaker in them. As a result, many of us men have heard that “we need to develop our feminine side.”

Please don’t tell us this. I don’t think I know a single man who has been convinced by this argument.

What man who respects himself wants to become “more feminine?” What man would ever want me to write a letter or recommendation for him and say: “Joe should make a great employee – he has really worked hard to bring out his feminine side.”

Back in the 1970s, the responses of young adults revealed that women scored high on the “feminine” items and low on the “masculine” items. Men, on the other hand, tended to score just the opposite --- low on the “feminine” items and high on the “masculine” items.

Over the years, there has been a sizable shift --- for women. Women now tend to score equally high on both the “feminine” items and the “masculine” items.

For men, however, there has not been much of a change at all. Men still tend to score fairly high on the “masculine” items and much lower on the “feminine” items.

Here’s my question: Why is it “masculine” to be able to defend your own beliefs, and “feminine” to be understanding? Since when is it “masculine” to be independent, and “feminine” to be compassionate?

These are each human qualities. We should each be developing greater self-reliance AND cheerfulness, greater willingness to take a stand AND the capacity to be affectionate.

Bottom line: if we want successful love relationships, successful marriages, and successful families, then men have to become more Understanding, more Compassionate, more Cheerful, and more Affectionate --- not because we need to develop our “feminine side,” but because we need to become better human beings.


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