Friday, June 17, 2011

William Harryman & Own Marcus - From Boy to Man -- What It Takes To Finally Grow Up

We had a great discussion yesterday for those of you who could join us or who have listened to the audio of the talk. Owen and I shared a lot of similar ideas, but we come at them from different backgrounds and different experiences, which makes life more interesting.

My sincerest thanks to both Owen and Lion for a fun hour of conversation.

One thing I found interesting was that our talk - number 59 and occurring on the 7th day of the 10 day event - was the first one to bring up the topic of shame in men's lives. It's hard for me to imagine that we can talk about men evolving in any way without dealing with the anchor of shame so many of us carry.

We touch briefly on PTSD - one point I wanted to make that I didn't get a chance for was to suggest that the shame so many of us experience as boys is a kind of trauma, and the more it is repeated by family or peers, the more likely it is that the boy will grow into a man who carries a variation of PTSD. Certainly not all men will experience this, but many will.

And these are the men who cannot be criticized without experiencing a shame attack (I know all about this). Their inner critic is so finely honed from growing up in a shaming environment (remember, inner parts are there to help, so in this case the critic tries to point out ALL possible flaws and mistakes before anyone else notices and launches an attack from the outside), that if it hears any kind of criticism, even where none is intended, it launches its own brutal attack. The result of this is that many men either shut down emotionally and withdraw (my habit) or strike out in anger, because anger is safer than hurt and shame.

Anyway, just wanted to spell that out since I didn't get to say it in the session.

I hope you enjoy the discussion.

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