Hines Ward: Why I'm an Iron Man (Esquire) - Because He Finished . . . ?

 

This is a nice interview with former Pittsburgh Steelers wide receiver (Super Bowl XL MVP) - and Dancing with the Stars winner (season 12) - Hines Ward, who has been making news recently as he prepared to enter his first Iron Man triathlon.

As of Saturday, 10.12.13, he successful completed his first (and apparently last) Iron Man event. I don't care what his other achievements have been, completing an Iron Man is a whole different category of pain and commitment - congratulations to Mr. Ward!

[NOTE: Belgium's Frederick Van Lierde won the 35th anniversary Iron Man in a time of 8:12:29 for the men's overall. Ward finished in a very respectable 13:08:15.]

First is a brief interview from Esquire Magazine, followed by a brief report on Ward finishing the Iron Man from NBC Sports.

Hines Ward: Why I'm an Iron Man

The former NFL star isn't done winning

By Hines Ward

"I'm more known for Dancing with the Stars than for my fourteen years that I played."

You'd think that after fourteen years in the NFL that retired Pittsburgh Steelers receiver Hines Ward would be content to take a few years off. Maybe lie on a beach, go sailing, or simply not get hit by giant men who are willfully and recklessly endangering his life for the purpose of sport. But that's not the Super Bowl XL MVP's style. Instead, Ward has followed his famed career with a victory on Dancing with the Stars as his friends and family laughed in his face. And now, with a similar level of encouragement, Ward is taking on the Iron Man triathlon today: a 140.6-mile race in Kona, Hawaii. We recently sat with Ward as he shared some words of wisdom about football, how his skills translated to the dance floor, and why a man who's never run more than a mile would choose to take on the world's most grueling race. —Interviewed by Matthew Kitchen

I wasn't close to my father growing up, but my mother and I were teammates. She couldn't help me academically because she didn't really know much about American education. It frustrated her, but what she did know is how to work her tail off. She never quit. She could have easily went back to Korea and left me here with my dad, but she worked her ass off so she was fit to be a parent. Just learning about all the sacrifices she made for me makes anything I do peanuts.

It's okay being different. I didn't ask to come into this world as a biracial kid, but I use being teased and take what society says I can't do and turn it into a positive.

I always played with a chip on my shoulder. My whole life, people told me, "Well you can't go to college. You're not smart enough." Well I went to college. I graduated college. "Well then you're not good enough to play in the NFL." Well I did that, and I played fourteen years. "Well your'e not a Pro Bowler." I made the Pro Bowl. "You'll never win a Super Bowl." I've done that, and was Super Bowl MVP.

Being told I wasn't smart still bothers me to this day.

I was baffled by commentators telling Tim Tebow he can't play football. Are you going to buy into what people say or are you going to use that as motivation to show the world you can do it? I admire that. That's what fuels the fire in everyone, and some people just don't have that fire. They accept where they are.

I love everything about football: the essence, the smell of the grass, the shoulder pads, the camaraderie in the locker room — like a band of brothers. I love the fans, the boos, the enemies, the trash talking. You can't ever find trash talking in a workplace environment.

I enjoy getting hit and I enjoy hitting people. If you ever saw me playing, I was always smiling. I got the opportunity to wake up every morning and to do something I had been dreaming about doing since I was a kid. What is there to complain about? I mean, it hurts. But I've dished out some punishment as well.

You can't live life like you're preparing to die. If it's your time, it's your time. If I sit there and worry about getting hit, about concussions, and about what it's going to be like when I'm 55 or 60, then I'm not living life.

But I'm scared of jumping out of a plane. And bungie jumping.

Growing old in the NFL is depressing. Times have changed. Fantasy football has taken off, and you've seen it bleed into the game. You put a talent at wide receiver with a talented quarterback and you have the Detroit Lions. Matt Stafford and Calvin Johnson are putting up huge numbers, but they're not winning games. You had a great year, but your team sucked. So what's more important?

When you hit 30 in the league, you're old. But who's to say old people can't play?

When you reach the mountain top, it's a lot easier to walk away from the game. I see so many guys, like Tony Gonzalez, who are old. But that drive to want to win still keeps them in the game.

I would love to live a life where no one knew about me or criticized anything I was doing. Everywhere I go I'm still a target. But I'm accustomed to that. I've always wanted to be known as more than just a football player, and I've used the notoriety from fourteen years to open up other doors for me to venture into.

I told my mom and coaches and teammates about Dancing with the Stars and they all laughed at me. No one was encouraging. No one was supportive. No one said, "Oh man. Go out, have fun, and do the best you can." Everyone laughed at me. Maybe that's the world we live in. But when I walk into a dance club or something, hell, I think I'm the best dancer there, and now I've got a trophy to show for it.

I'm more known for Dancing with the Stars than for my fourteen years that I played. And crossing over to that crowd opened up other opportunities; Dark Knight Rises, The Walking Dead, a Head and Shoulders commercial with no hair on my head.

You'd think after fourteen years in the NFL that I was in shape, but I never felt out of shape until I crossed over into the endurance world. I can't run a mile. How am I supposed to run a marathon? I run fast, but that doesn't mean anything after a mile.

In the endurance world, everyone is in it together. Everyone is so encouraging. When I feel like walking or stopping, everyone is high-fiving me and going, "Come on Hines! You can do it! You're doing a great job!" I see people saying, "Hines Ward, you're an Iron Man," and that's what drives me.

I didn't really know much about the Iron Man, but here I am. I'm just learning more about myself, about recovery and refueling, and when I cross the finish line, then the sky's the limit for me. The finish line is the most rewarding feeling ever.

I don't know what success is. I only had one dream as a child, and that was to play in the Super Bowl. I've already achieved that, so everything else is a plus. Now I make the most of my opportunities and I see what happens.

* * * * *

Hines Ward completes Ironman Triathlon 

Posted by Mike Florio on October 13, 2013



Former Steelers receiver and Super Bowl XL MVP Hines Ward has added a very different accomplishment to his athletic career.

On Saturday, Ward completed the Ironman Triathlon in Hawaii.

Ward, now a fixture on NBC’s Football Night in America and Sunday Night Football, won’t be making a habit of swimming 2.4 miles, biking 112 miles, and running 26.2 miles consecutively. Earlier today, I texted him congratulations and asked when the next one will be.”

Never,” Ward said. “One and done.”

It’s still one heck of an accomplishment for Ward. He’s off this week as he recovers from the ordeal; he’ll be back with NBC for good next weekend.

Tami Simon Speaks with David Schnarch: Emotional Commitment and Great Sex?

This Sounds True Insights at the Edge podcast is from September 27, 2011 but is still highly relevant for nearly all couples. David Schnarch is one of the most widely respected marriage and sex counselors, and he has authored several books, including Intimacy and Desire: Awaken the Passion in Your Relationship (2011), Passionate Marriage: Keeping Love and Intimacy Alive in Committed Relationships (2009) and Resurrecting Sex: Solving Sexual Problems and Revolutionizing Your Relationship (2003), among others.

With Sounds True, he has a 2-session audio program called Secrets of a Passionate Marriage: How to Increase Sexual Pleasure and Emotional Fulfillment in Committed Relationships.

David Schnarch: Emotional Commitment and Great Sex? 

Tami Simon speaks with Dr. David Schnarch, a licensed clinical psychologist, certified sex therapist, and clinical member of the American Association for Marriage and Family Therapy. David is the author of the books Intimacy and Desire, Passionate Marriage, and Resurrecting Sex, and with Sounds True he has published a two-session audio program called Secrets of a Passionate Marriage: How to Increase Sexual Pleasure and Emotional Fulfillment in Committed Relationships. In this episode, Tami speaks with David about the four drives of sexual desires, his understanding of integrity and its importance in a healthy partnership, and what it might mean to “hold onto yourself” in relationship. (67 minutes)

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Here is an excellent article from Dr. Schnarch that outlines a bit of his therapeutic model.

 The Crucible 4 Points of Balance™

by Dr. David Schnarch, Ph.D.

What are the Crucible 4 Points of Balance? 

Holding on to yourself in relationships 

One of the most important things in life is becoming a solid individual. And another important thing is to have meaningful relationships. Two of the most powerful human drives are our urge to control our own lives (autonomy), and our urge for relationship with others (attachment). One of the biggest tasks of adulthood is being able to balance these two urges, and one of the most common problems is having too much of one, and not enough of the other. People often feel claustrophobic or controlled in committed relationships, or feel like they can't be their true self in their relationships, or feel like their sense of self is starting to disappear and they don't know who they are any more. Others are constantly worried about "abandonment," or "safety and security," and constantly press their partner for "commitment," and "unconditional love." 

The ability to balance our needs for autonomy and attachment is called differentiation. Differentiation is a scientific process that occurs in all species. For humans, it is about becoming more of a unique individual and a solid person through relationships with others. 

The Crucible 4 Points of Balance are: 

• How we operationalize differentiation in practical terms. They help you put science into practice.

• Our unique way of helping you become more grounded, adaptive, creative, and mature ("better differentiated"). 

The 4 Points of Balance come from distilling over 30 years of clinical experience. They are many things 

• Core organizing principles of our Intensive Therapy Program, from which they were developed.

• Part of our programmatic efforts to help people around the world to live better lives.

• Hallmark of the Crucible Institute, the flagship of our programs and services. 

The 4 Points of Balance can help you when you really need help. 

• When you really need help you need to keep the help simple.

• There are just 4 things to remember.

• Easy to memorize, understand and recall when things get tough. 

When your life is a mess, or you're under massive stress or you don't know what to do, your best move is always to hold on to the Crucible 4 Points of Balance. 

The beauty of the 4 Points of Balance is that they look simple at first, but they are also incredibly sophisticated. The more you grow as a person, the deeper and more profound you understand them. Many people first find the 4 Points of Balance at difficult times in their lives and go on to use them as a way of life. 

• These are not just great ideas or catchy phrases,

• They are powerful multi-faceted tools that can help you in every aspect of your life. 

Each of the 4 Points of Balance is important. And together they provide a foundation for a healthy life. 

 

1st Point of Balance: Solid Flexible Self™ 

Many people lack a solid sense of themselves. They have no real identity of their own. 

• They get emotionally claustrophobic or overly dependent in committed relationships.

• Or they're rigid, brittle, controlling, and bend their relationships to fit their own needs and wants.

• Or they become increasingly dependent--emotionally fused--with their partner. 

To the degree you lack a solid sense of self you depend on a reflected sense of self. You depend on getting a positive reflected sense of self from other people. Many people say they want intimacy, but what they're looking for is: 

• Validation,

• Acceptance,

• Unconditional love 

There's nothing wrong with wanting to feel validated, accepted and dearly loved. But if you depend on a reflected sense of self, you crash when these aren't forthcoming, and you spend lots of time talking about "safety and security," "abandonment," and vulnerability. 

When you have solid flexible self: 

• You have an internalized set of core values by which you run your life.

• You have a sense of your own self worth that perseveres through hard time.

• You can maintain your own viewpoints and sense of direction when others pressure you to conform.

• You draw your sense of personal stability, values, and direction from within yourself, which comes from frequently confronting yourself (from the best in yourself) that you could be wrong.

• You don't always have to be right, and you don't crash when you're wrong. 

Solid Flexible Self is not a rigid self. Being able to adapt and change when prudent is just as import as staying the course. Flexibility: 

• lets you learn from your mistakes.

• lets you change roles when your children leave home or you retire.

• lets other people to be right sometimes.

• makes room for your partner in your relationship. 

Solid Flexible Self lets you stand on your own two feet in a relationship--without always standing on your partner’s toes. 

 

2nd Point of Balance: Quiet Mind and Calm Heart™

Soothe your own mind and heart 

The second basis of emotionally healthy living involves handling your own emotional inner world. 

Quiet Mind and Calm Heart is our way of helping you do that. 

There are two inter-related parts to developing an emotionally healthy inner world. 

• Your thoughts

• Your feelings and emotions

• Your body's physical response to both 

This means getting control of where all these take place. In practical terms this means three things: 

• Quieting your mind

• Calming your heart

• Focusing on your physical reactions 

In practice this means: 

• Controlling your anxiety so it doesn't run away with you

• Handling your feelings and emotions

• Soothing your emotional bruises

• Monitoring your body 

Many people have difficulty soothing their own emotions and/or calming their anxiety. 

Developing Quiet Mind & Calm Heart not only makes your own life better, it lets other people live better too.


 

3rd Point of Balance: Grounded Responding™

Getting emotionally grounded 

Over-reacting to tense or anxiety-filled situations is a common problem. Unbalanced, untimely, or disproportionate responses are one of the most common ways people ruin their lives. This is NOT grounded responding. This includes people: 

• with explosive tempers with "short fuses"

• who say cutting things in difficult conversations.

• who break collaborative alliances whenever they get hurt.

• who are always yelling at their kids.

• who go to pieces over little things. 

Under-reacting (avoidance) is also NOT Grounded Responding. It's not as obvious and more socially acceptable. Sometimes avoidance masquerades as Grounded Responding but it's not. It is commonly excused as procrastination. You’re not making grounded responses if you fail to react or take action when necessary. 

• When your kids need discipline and you're just not feeling like doing it.
• You're concerned your child is showing signs of learning disabilities but you don't seek help.
• You know your partner's having an affair, but you say nothing because you don't want to upset the status quo.

Grounded Responding involves making modulated responses to people, events, and situations. There's an old saying that completely contradicts common emphasis on expressing feelings and frustrations. It says,"Marriage is improved by the two or three things not said each day." 

4th Point of Balance: Meaningful Endurance™

Tolerating discomfort for growth 

Of all things that determine success in life, perhaps the most important is Meaningful Endurance, the 4th Point of Balance. 

Very little gets accomplished in life without Meaningful Endurance. Endurance increases your chances of success in marriage, parenting, families, and careers. 

Meaningful Endurance is the basis of mastery. You cannot master a new skill, refine your abilities, develop your talent, learn new things, or expand your personality without Meaningful Endurance. 

• Sticking with things so you can accomplish your goals

• Making yourself do what needs to be done, even when you don’t want to do it

• Absorbing hardship and disappointment, bouncing back after defeat

• Withstanding stress 

Meaningful Endurance is not blind perseverance, stubbornness, or refusal to face facts. It is not stupid pain-for-no-purpose. It is not simply high pain tolerance, or accepting a lousy relationship. 

Meaningful Endurance is about tolerating pain for growth. If there's no growth, it's not meaningful. 

Many people lack Meaningful Endurance.