As you probably know, compassion and lovingkindness are central elements of Buddhism. They arise naturally in response to one of those three fundamental characteristics of existence: interdependence/not-self/emptiness. They are also a beautiful path of spiritual practice. And they just feel good: “Through compassion one is free from lethargy and depression.” (Acariya Dhammapala) Interestingly, a scientifically based tradition as hard-headed as Western psychology is also beginning to find that working with compassion and related heartfelt feelings has both mental and physical benefits. For example, the Institute of HeartMath (in Boulder Creek, California) has researched connections between the heart and emotional well-being. Even a regular heartbeat – e.g., 60 times a minute – still has a little variability in the interval between each beat. A large and smoothly changing variation in those intervals changes your brain waves, activates the para-sympathetic nervous system, lowers blood pressure, supports the immune system, and has other health benefits. It also helps you feel more peaceful and happy and caring. So let’s try a simple technique that can bring your heart beat into a healthier rhythm. It has three parts:
Breathe in such a way that the length of your inhalation and exhalation are the same (perhaps counting in your mind to make the breaths even).
Imagine that the breath is coming into and out of the area of your heart.
As you breathe evenly through your heart, call to mind a pleasant, heartfelt emotion such as gratitude, kindness, contentment, or love — perhaps by thinking about a happy time, being with your children, gratitude for the good things in your life, a close friend, etc. You can also imagine that feeling moving through your heart as part of the breath.
Why don’t you try this for a few minutes, right now? Just three to five cycles of this sort of breathing can have a noticeable effect. Also try five to ten minutes straight sometime, and see how that feels. Of course, there are other ways to cultivate compassion, such as through metta – or compassion and lovingkindness – meditation that many people here are familiar with. In fact, metta practice could also help release oxytocin, a hormone that is involved in warm feelings of safety and contentment – and is released in women when they are nursing, to give you a sense of its qualities. Enjoy!
ALSO... There are many other spiritual practices and meditations on www.YourSkillfulMeans.com to help you clarify your inner experience and connect to deeper aspects of your awareness. Check them out here.
From "grounded spiritual teacher" Jeff Brown (author of Soulshaping: A Journey of Self-Creation, 2009), this is a very complete and holistic ideal for the "awakening man" to aspire toward - open-hearted, generous, inclusive, emotionally honest, and a lot more. Definitely worth a few moments to read.
THE AWAKENING MAN: A PORTRAIT OF POSSIBILITY FOR HUMANKIND The awakening man is conscious, heartfully defined. Through his eyes, being conscious is not a cerebral construct, nor an intellectual exercise bereft of feeling. It is a felt experience, an ever-expanding awareness that moves from the heart outward. It is feeling God, not thinking God. The new man is always in process, awakening through a deepening interface with the world of feeling. He continues to strive for a more heartfelt and inclusive awareness. The awakening man has shifted his focus from a localized and ethnocentric perspective to a worldcentric framework of perception. His community is humanity. Rooted in the relational, his sense of responsibility extends well beyond his localized self and community. Where possible, his choice-making is fueled by an expansive vision of possibility for all of humankind. Not every man for himself, but every man for humanity. The awakening man has reverence for the divine feminine, in all her forms. He celebrates the wonder that is woman. He is respectful, honoring and gracious. He is saddened by the horrors perpetuated against women by the malevolent masculine. He holds his brothers accountable. He makes amends for his own misdeeds. He co-creates a world where all women will feel safe to move about freely, to find their voice, to actualize their inherent magnificence. He welcomes a world where women and men stand as equal partners. Humankind. The awakening man is not externally derived. He is authentically sourced. He does not compare himself to others. He does not adapt his personality to the dictates of the crowd. He stands in his own center, respectful of others but not defined by them. He works diligently to liberate his consciousness from the egoic ties that bind. He has become his own benchmark, valuing authenticity over image. He is the sculptor of his own reality. The awakening man courageously works on his emotional processes. He clears his emotional debris and sheds his armor. He faces his issues and unconscious patterns heart on. He calls himself on his self-avoidant tendencies and honors the wisdom at the heart of his pain. He communicates his feelings in a way that is respectful to others. He learns and speaks the language of the heart. The awakening man leads a purpose-full existence. He has heard the call to a deeper life. Not satisfied with survival alone, his ambitions are rooted in higher considerations- the excavation and actualization of his sacred purpose. He is energized by his purpose, not by the machinations of the unhealthy ego. He is coated in an authenticity of purpose that sees through the veils to what really matters. His purpose is his path. The awakening man is accountable for his actions and their effects. He does not deflect responsibility. He does not sidestep or blame. He is self-admitting and emotionally honest. He admits his errors, and makes amends. He works diligently in the deep within, crafting a more clarified awareness with every lesson. The awakening man moves from the inside out. More interested in inner expansion than outer achievement, he cultivates and honors his intuition. He explores and develops his inner geography. He adventures deep within, integrating the treasures he excavates into his way of being. He seeks congruity between his inner life and his outer manifestation. The awakening man seeks wholeness. He is not satisfied with a fragmented way of being. He has no attachment to archaic, linear notions of masculinity. He seeks a sacred balance between the healthy masculine and the healthy feminine. He seeks an inclusive way of being, one that reflects all of his archetypal aspects. He is role flexible, comfortable moving through life in many different ways. The awakening man embodies the highest standard of integrity in his words and deeds. He makes a sustained effort to work through anything that is not integrity within him. His framework of integrity is never convenient or self-serving. He honors his word, even at his own expense. He moves from a value system that is unwaveringly incorruptible. He recognizes that success without integrity is karmically unsound and meaningless. The awakening man prioritizes conscious relationship. He values authentic co-creation. He honors relationship as spiritual practice. He seeks physical intimacy that is deeply vulnerable and heartfully connective. He is attuned, engaged and healthily boundaried. When relational challenges arise, he courageously works through any obstructions to intimacy. He stands in the heartfire. The awakening man is a warrior of the heart. He has taken his clarifying sword inward, cutting away everything that is not compassionate. After too many lifetimes with weapon in hand, a benevolent warrior is being birthed at the core of his being. He honors the warrior capacity for assertiveness, but he is not arbitrarily aggressive. He moves from love and compassion. The awakening man endeavors to live in a state of perpetual gratitude. He is grateful for the gift of life. He is grateful for those ancestors who built the foundation that his expansion relies upon. He is grateful for those who encouraged him before he could encourage himself. He is grateful for those who stand beside him in this lifetime. He knows that he does not stand alone. The awakening man is comfortable in his vulnerability. He participates in his own revealing. He is not afraid to surrender- to reality, to love, to truth. This is not a weakened form of surrender, but one that is emblazoned with courage. It takes more courage to surrender than to numb. He openly explores his capacities for receptivity and tenderness. He does not identify these capacities as distinctly feminine, but as whole human. He is strong enough at the core to live in a vast array of emotions. The awakening man moves through the marketplace responsibly, with a vigilant eye to the ways of the unhealthy ego. He is not opportunistic in a vacuum. He does not compete for competition’s sake. He does not accumulate for the sake of accumulation. In charting his course, he is mindful of his impact on humanity. He is empowered but he does not exploit power. He derives his power from his connection to source, not from power over others. Where possible, he shares the abundance, gifting back to humanity. He works hard to bridge the world as it is with a world of divine possibility. The awakening man has reverence for Mother Earth. He has reverence for animals. He never imagines himself superior or distinct from the natural world. He understands the interconnected and interdependent nature of reality. He knows that if he does damage to the environment, he does damage to himself. He walks carefully, with awareness, consciousness and appreciation. The awakening man has no claims on God. His spirituality is tolerant, inclusive, respectful. He honors all paths to God, so long they are respectful of others. He accepts those who believe, and those who don’t. He condemns any path that uses religious differences as a justification for destruction. The awakening man brings forward many of the qualities of the healthy masculine of old. He is noble. He is responsible. He is productive. He is kind-hearted. He is protective. He is unswervingly honorable. He is down to earth. He is sturdy. He is flexible. He is realistic. He is hopeful. He is sensitive, not fragile. He is healthily egoic, not self-centered. He is both practical and heightened at the same time. He ascends with both feet on the ground. He is really here.
A former criminal lawyer and psychotherapist, Jeff Brown is the author of “Soulshaping: A Journey of Self-Creation,” recently published by North Atlantic Books. Endorsed by authors Elizabeth Lesser and Ram Dass, “Soulshaping” is Brown’s autobiography — an inner travelogue of his journey from archetypal male warrior to a more surrendered path. You can connect with his work at www.soulshaping.com.
This is a recent post from a friend of mine over at Facebook - I call him friend, even though I have never met him in person, because of his integrity in being the best man he can be, and his willingness to share that process with the rest of us. That takes strength and courage in my opinion.
This is the wisdom a lot of us need to feel - and it's already inside of us. We are always already fully worthy of love. We need not become anyone or do anything to deserve love - we need only be ourselves. And that may be one of the hardest things for any of us to do.
You can find Jeffrey at his Facebook page, or at his coaching site. There was no title for this, so I am sharing it here (with the author's permission) exactly as he shared it on Facebook.
For most of my life, I've used my level of academic, professional and financial success as a benchmark of how lovable I was—by my family, my friends, women. I needed to BE successful at all times and if not, at least APPEAR successful. More success = more deserving of love. Less success = less deserving of love. Lately, I've noticed it was more pervasive than I thought. And I imagine that many men share that same pain-inducing belief. What you do and how much money you make has you gauging how worthy you are of love, attention and belonging in this world. And for many women, I can only imagine how physical beauty can be a similar benchmark of lovability. Can you be loved for the essence of you? Without the high heels and lip-gloss? Can you be seen as smart, strong and powerful beyond your physical beauty and sex appeal? The answer is YES. Your lovability has absolutely nothing to do with how cool your LinkedIn profile looks. How many five-star Italian bistros you take your wife to. Whether you remember to cover the dark shadows under your eyes with concealer. Whether you have a few capital letters after your name. How curvy your hips are. Whether you live in a humble studio apartment or a 21-bedroom mansion. It has to everything to do with the simple fact that you were born. The fact that you are here right now, reading this. The reality is that I was lovable when I got a D in Biology. I was lovable when I was a pimply teenager with no friends to go out with on a Friday night. I was lovable when I shifted from job to job, fine-tuning my professional skills and preferences. I was lovable when I let go of credit cards, no longer keeping up with the Joneses. And I'm lovable now as I coach others on the power of authentic connection and vulnerability, even as I share my own perfectly imperfect journey. I'm lovable now as I practice being a man on the edge of his comfort zone, surfing the waves of total unease in the unknown and strength in clarity and discovery. I'm lovable now, because I'm me. And even as I write this, I'm hesitant to post these vulnerable personal ideas so publicly. But if I can awaken just one man or woman to the idea that their lovability is unwavering and unequivocal, then that is all that matters. And if you resonate with any of this, please share this post or chime in below. Our lovability was never up for debate. A reminder we could all use. — Jeffrey Oliveira Platts
The other day, Jayson Gaddis, over at his personal blog, posted an interesting article on the "spiritual warrior," a concept that comes from Buddhism, and more specifically from Chogyam Trungpa Rinpoche. The post concludes with a short video on his upcoming Warrior Training.
This morning, Tricycle's Daily Dharma quote was from Pema Chodron, a short piece taken from an excerpted section of The Places that Scare You: A Guide to Fearlessness in Difficult Times (2001). In this short section she also addresses the idea of the spiritual warrior, which is fitting since she was Trungpa's student up until his death.
I think these are important first steps in reframing the warrior archetype toward a more compassionate and self-aware ideal. One of the things I like about Trugpa's vision of the spiritual warrior is his emphasis on having a "warrior heart."
Warriorship is so tender, without skin, without tissue, naked and raw. It is soft and gentle. You have renounced putting on a new suit of armor. You have renounced growing a thick, hard skin. You are willing to expose naked flesh, bone, and marrow to the world.
Recently, I realized that I’m in the business of training warriors. But what is a warrior? what exactly do I mean? I have not been able to find a better term than warrior. Sure, there is Jedi, Samurai, badass, etc. But warrior is the closest term I have found for what I’m attempting to describe. And, I love that one of my teachers Chogyam Trungpa Rinpoche spoke of the sacred warrior. He was speaking to the spiritual practitioner who is willing to face their life head on and help others eliminate their suffering. It’s a bold path. So, the term warrior must be defined here. I get that “warrior” conjures up a lot of historycially and traditional masculine roles. Pick any movie from Gladiator, to Braveheart, to Hunger Games. They all have a hero or heroine who fights to save their people or save the day. But I am not so idealistic or naive here. Sure, we are all great, heros and heroines in our own right. But let’s be realistic and true, meeting our lives directly free from unrealistic expectations, magical thinking, or fairy tales. So, here’s my definition (or better yet aspiration) of the modern day spiritual warrior:
A modern day spiritual warrior is first and foremost a student of his or her own, direct experience. She is committed to being herself completely and her life journey is about coming home to who she really is. He is always learning, always growing. Her courage gives her the power and choice to face “what is so” directly and head on. He turns toward the darkness in order to transmute it. She learns to train the mind to serve the heart. He learns to “hold his seat” in the midst of life’s challenges. He learns to own and tame his inner stallion so that he may ride him powerfully and elegantly. She is willing to fall down, fail miserably, and get back up in order to be herself. He is embodied, emotionally literate, relationally adept. She is willing to fight, even die, for truth, love, and family. He enjoys the practice of burning up in this way. She desires, and is willing, to go all the way.
And, for the men out there, here’s a quick video about an upcoming warrior training.
Pema Chodron points to the perfect training ground for the spiritual warrior—anxiety, heartbreak, and tenderness.
By Pema Chodron
The secret of Zen is just two words: not always so.—Shunryu Suzuki Roshi
It takes some training to equate complete letting go with comfort. But in fact, "nothing to hold on to" is the root of happiness. There's a sense of freedom when we accept that we're not in control. Pointing ourselves toward what we would most like to avoid makes our barriers and shields permeable.
This is the Daily Om from a couple of weeks ago, an encouragement to listen with our hearts, which for men is not something we have been taught to do as we grew up. We are taught that feelings are sissy, girly, or gay, and that "real" men are rational and emotionless. This traditional model of masculinity, of manliness, is basically bullshit.
We are no less able to listen with our hearts than are women, but if we were taught how to listen as kids, we will need to practice this skill to become more adept at it. There is a brief exercise in this post that offers a way to practice this skill.
When we begin to listen with our hearts rather than our heads, our whole world changes and becomes softer.
Most of us were born and raised in cultures that value the head over the heart and, as a result, we place our own hearts below our heads in a sort of inner hierarchy of which we may not be conscious. What this means is that we tend to listen and respond from the neck up, often leaving the rest of our bodies with little or no say in most matters. This is a physical habit, which sometimes feels as ingrained as the way we breathe or walk. However, with effort and awareness, we can shift the energy into our hearts, listening and responding from this much deeper, more resonant place. The brain has a masterful way of imposing structure and order on the world, creating divisions and categories, devising plans and strategies. In many ways, we have our brains to thank for our survival on this planet. However, as is so clear at this time, we also need the wisdom of our hearts if we wish to continue surviving in a viable way. When we listen from our heart, the logical grid of the brain tends to soften and melt, which enables us to perceive the interconnectedness beneath the divisions and categories we use to organize the world. We begin to understand that just as the heart underlies the brain, this interconnectedness underlies everything. Many agree that this is the most important work we can do at this time in history, and there are many practices at our disposal. For a simple start, try sitting with a friend and asking him to tell you about his life at this moment. For 10 minutes or more, try to listen without responding verbally, offering suggestions, or brainstorming solutions. Instead, breathe into your heart and your belly, listening and feeling instead of thinking. When you do this, you may find that it’s much more difficult to offer advice and much easier to identify with the feelings your friend is sharing. You may also find that your friend opens up more, goes deeper, and feels he has really been heard. If you also feel great warmth and compassion, almost as if you are seeing your friend for the first time, then you will know that you have begun to tap the power of listening with your heart. What do you think? Discuss this article and share your opinion.
This was the Daily Om from a few days back. Although this article begins with the premise that we prefer to be in our softer, more gentle selves, this is not true for most men today. We often are raised to be warriors, to compete, and sometimes literally to become soldiers and go to war.
For a lot of men, finding the gentle, tender part of ourselves, the part Chogyam Trungpa identified as the heart of the warrior, is the real challenge.
“The ideal of warriorship is that the warrior should be sad and tender,
and because of that, the warrior can be very brave as well.” ~ Chogyam Trungpa Rinpoche
When we recognize our warrior self we can exhibit strength without sacrificing tenderness.
The human soul is dynamic, adapting readily to the changing conditions
we encounter as time marches unerringly forward. Though we may use a
single set of characteristics to define ourselves, we slip easily into
contradictory roles when circumstances necessitate doing so. When we
feel called to explore the way of the warrior, we may feel a strong
sense of dismay because we have no wish to disavow ourselves of our
softer side. Yet embracing the warrior spirit is not a matter of denying
gentleness or compassion—all human beings embody all traits to some
degree, and seemingly contradictory aspects can coexist peacefully
within us. We can exhibit strength without sacrificing tenderness
precisely because both are elements of the self and both have a role to
play in the complexity of existence.
Balance is the key that unlocks the door of peaceable coexistence where
opposing characteristics of the self are concerned. The warrior spirit,
when allowed free reign, is overpowering and all-consuming. If it is to
be an affirmative force in our lives, it must be tempered with wisdom
and moderation. Our inner warriors are ready to react instantly to
conflict, chaos, and confusion, while nonetheless remaining committed to
a path of goodwill and fairness. They lie at the root of our dedication
to integrity but do not drive us to use our strength to coerce others
into adopting our values. The warrior may be nourished by raw emotions
with the potential to cause us to lash out, but it channels that energy
into positive and constructive action.
Your inner warrior is one source of strength you can draw upon in times
of great need. When you employ your warrior spirit thoughtfully, it
manifests itself as clarity, focus, determination, courage, constancy,
and an unflappable zest for life. The warrior views roadblocks as
evolutionary opportunities and is not afraid to pursue a purpose to its
climax. There is more than enough room in the existence of the warrior
for softness and benevolence, and the warrior's willingness to stand up
for their beliefs can aid you greatly as you strive to incorporate these
ideals into your existence. Exploring this unique side of yourself is a
means of broadening your reality so you can internalize mindfulness
while meeting life's challenges with an intensity of spirit that never
wavers.
There are certain personality archetypes that we all carry within us, such as the inner child, the lover, and the mother. Some of these archetypes present themselves strongly, while others lay fallow. For example, there is an inner warrior in each one of us, but in some of us this warrior is underdeveloped to the point that we are unable to stand up for ourselves, even when necessary. There can be many reasons for this. We may have grown up with a parent whose warrior aspect was overdeveloped, and we responded by repressing ours completely. On the other hand, we may have grown up with parents in whom this aspect was dormant, so we never learned to awaken it in ourselves.
A warrior is someone with the strength to stand up for what he or she believes; someone who perseveres in the face of challenges and obstacles; someone who speaks and acts in the service of an ideal; someone who protects those who are too weak to fight for themselves. Regardless of the reasons for an underdeveloped inner warrior, you may begin to notice the lack of its fiery, protective presence and wish to awaken it. You may need to stand up for yourself in a certain relationship or situation, or you may have a vision you want to realize, and you know you will need the courage, energy, and strength of a warrior to succeed. Similarly, if you find that you often feel scared, anxious, or powerless, rousing this sleeping ally may be just the antidote you need.
One excellent way to cultivate the presence of your inner warrior is to choose a role model who embodies the qualities of bravery, strength, and vitality. This person could be a character in a myth, movie, or book, or a historical or living person you admire. Simply close your eyes each day and contemplate the quality of energy that attracts you to this person, knowing that the same potential lives within you. Confirm for yourself that you are capable of handling this energy responsibly, and stoke the fire of your own inner courage.
In this brief teaching from Tricycle, Jack Kornfield offers some wisdom on approaching life with an open heart. No matter the challenges in our life - and we all have our own collection of challenges - we always remain free to choose to be present and to choose to be willing to love.
[The beautiful image at the top, The Compass of My Heart, is by Beth Surdut and it is for sale.]
You need a reliable compass to set your direction and steer through the
rough waters when you are going through hard times, when you’ve been
betrayed, when you’ve lost your job, when you’ve lost friends or loved
ones, when you’re in conflict with your family, or when you’re going
through illness.
But how can you set your direction when you
can’t see any clear harbor? And how can you navigate through difficult
waters when you’re swamped by overwhelming emotions, when so much of
your awareness is taken over with trying to figure out who’s at fault
and who did what to whom, or creating stories about who’s wrong and
who’s right and why?
When we’re overwhelmed by a difficult
situation, sometimes we know we’re behaving in a way that is only making
matters worse, but we don’t know how to stop.
No matter what
situation we find ourselves in, we can always set our compass to our
highest intentions in the present moment. Perhaps it is nothing more
than being in a heated conversation with another person and stopping to
take a breath and ask yourself, “What is my highest intention in this
moment?” If you can have enough awareness to take this small step, your
heart will give you an answer that will take the conversation in a
different, more positive direction. With simple steps like these, you
can behave in ways that at least will not fuel your difficulties—or
anyone else’s.
Whatever your difficulties—a devastated heart,
financial loss, feeling assaulted by the conflicts around you, or a
seemingly hopeless illness—you can always remember that you are free in
every moment to set the compass of your heart to your highest
intentions. In fact, the two things that you are always free to
do—despite your circumstances—are to be present and to be willing to
love.
When anyone asks me how I got involved in Buddhism, I always say it was because I was so angry with my husband. The truth is that he saved my life. When that marriage fell apart, I tried hard—very, very hard—to go back to some kind of comfort, some kind of security, some kind of familiar resting place. Fortunately for me, I could never pull it off. Instinctively I knew that annihilation of my old dependent, clinging self was the only way to go. . . .
Life is a good teacher and a good friend. Things are always in transition, if we could only realize it. Nothing ever sums itself up in the way that we like to dream about. The off-center, in-between state is an ideal situation, a situation in which we don’t get caught and we can open our hearts and minds beyond limit. It’s a very tender, nonaggressive, open-ended state of affairs.
To stay with that shakiness—to stay with a broken heart, with a rumbling stomach, with the feeling of hopelessness and wanting to get revenge—that is the path of true awakening. Sticking with that uncertainty, getting the knack of relaxing in the midst of chaos, learning not to panic—this is the spiritual path. Getting the knack of catching ourselves, of gently and compassionately catching ourselves, is the path of the warrior. We catch ourselves one zillion times as once again, whether we like it or not, we harden into resentment, bitterness, righteous indignation— harden in any way, even into a sense of relief, a sense of inspiration.
Every day we could think about the aggression in the world, in New York, Los Angeles, Halifax, Taiwan, Beirut, Kuwait, Somalia, Iraq, everywhere. All over the world, everybody always strikes out at the enemy, and the pain escalates forever. Every day we could reflect on this and ask ourselves, “Am I going to add to the aggression in the world?” Every day, at the moment when things get edgy, we can just ask ourselves, “Am I going to practice peace, or am I going to war?”
