Thursday, November 19, 2009

Today Is International Men’s Day

This is my first year of celebrating (is that the right word?) International Men’s Day. It's an interesting notion to me, for a variety of reasons. Here is an article from Men's News Daily.

Celebrating International Men’s Day- 2009

Thursday, November 19, 2009
By Paul Elam

Today we mark another International Men’s Day, a celebration of men that began in 1999 in Trinidad and Tobago and has since spanned the globe. This is not just a celebration, it is a day to take pause for a moment and consider where we have come from as men, and where we have yet to go.

And for the first time since I heard the words “Men’s Rights,” there is a good deal to consider and for which to celebrate.

In roughly the past year we have seen two major court decisions in the states of California and West Virginia that made the first cuts into the corruption and destructiveness of a domestic violence industry run amok. We have witnessed the almost incomprehensible event of a fathers rights march in Mexico City. The men in the country of India have risen up and made their presence known with clarity and power. Dads on the Air, a pro male radio program has become the most successful community radio program in Australia. And we have seen a prolific rise in internet activity and activism related to men’s issues, including mensnewsdaily.com® celebrating eight years of carrying the message to the world at large.

In short, there are now some signs of momentum in this sometimes stuttering movement. And I have to say it looks right good on us.

Clearly we have a long way to go. There is still too many people who get confused when hearing the word “misandry,“ and men are still discriminated against harshly in nearly every aspect of their lives. But every journey starts with the first step, and this looks to be the time in our lives that we can actually begin walking with a purpose.

So let’s take some time today to honor and appreciate men; just a moment to set aside the troubles in this world and admire the miracles of every day life brought to us by our fathers, sons and brothers.

Those miracles can be seen in the roofs over our heads, the cars we drive, the planes that take us across the world in hours, the medicines that heal us, the computers and cell phones we can’t seem to live without and too many other things to mention without writing a book.

And let’s be sure to thank the men who walk into burning buildings to save our lives and the lives of our children, and the men who patrol our cities in the dead of night and those that stand against a wall for us 10,000 miles away. Yes, women do some of these things, but it remains overwhelmingly our men who brave smoke, flame and bullets to keep us safe and secure. They have earned their recognition without the patronizing and perfunctory inclusion of others.

Let us also not forget this day the men who suffer; who languish in prisons over false charges; who have been stripped of children and property and civil rights by corrupt forces in our midst and who endure the ongoing hatred against them for nothing more than being a man.

Let us honor the men who have given us everything and who now find themselves being taken forcibly for more.

And above all else, let us work together toward the goal of justice for everyone, knowing that justice for anyone is not possible till it is a given in every mans life.

Paul Elam is the Editor-in-Chief for Men’s News Daily and the publisher of A Voice for Men.
There's also this funny little video about the event:



So, men, what issues are on your mind today? How do you feel about where masculinity is heading in this culture and/or worldwide? Are we evolving to newer and better ways of being men, or are still trapped in stereotypes that limit us as human beings? Please leave your thoughts in the comments.


Wednesday, November 18, 2009

Tim Henriques - Five Deadly Strength Errors

Good article from T-Muscle.

Five Deadly Strength Errors

5 Deadly Strength Errors


Mistake #1: Listening to weak people.

No, we're not judging character. But most of the guys who are teaching other guys how to get strong are weak as kittens, and that just ain't right. Sure, they may know what proper form is, how to manipulate a diet, or how to be fit, but it's not the same as knowing how to create a proper program with the purpose of developing maximal strength.

There's simply too much that must be learned if you want to get someone strong, and I don't think you can learn it all without doing a lot of trial and error on yourself. If a coach won't share at least some of their personal records with you, it should be a warning sign. Now, I'm not saying every coach must be Ed Coan but they should at least be good at the stuff they're trying to coach you on.

One of my favorite quotes sums up my feelings nicely:

"Don't spend much time listening to someone talk about something they have never done."


Mistake #2: Program hopping.

The good news is if you fix the first mistake, it'll usually take care of the second. Find a coach who knows what they're talking about, who walks the walk, and whose general philosophy sits right with you (Poliquin, Thibaudeau, Cressey, Gallagher, Hatfield, and Bostrom are just a few that come to mind) and follow their programs if you're not making progress on your own.

But here's the thing: you can't change too much right away. Follow their programs as written, at least for a while (several months if not more) before you start to tinker with them to meet your individual needs. Too many people change too many variables too often.

Program hopping often leads to a kind of "starting over" where you perform the first couple of weeks of a program (which is usually an introduction or foundation-building period) and then switch over to something else before the real progress occurs. Changing programs also makes progressive overload more difficult to implement and measure.

Progressive overload, when combined with the principle of specificity, is the single most important element in a program designed to increase muscular strength. The goal is not to do 50 different exercises over the course of a month, but to pick five to ten key exercises and work on them repeatedly to improve strength.


Mistake #3: You don't know why you're doing what you're doing.

Yeah, this sounds stupid, but a lot of people don't really know why something is in their program; they just put it in because it looks good or they think they're supposed to do it.

Here's an example: one legged squats (pistols as they are sometimes called) don't do jack to increase maximal strength or muscle size; if you grow from doing them then you'd probably grow from doing almost any hard leg work. Why do we know this is true?

Because there are lots of people that weigh 135 pounds soaking wet that can do five good pistols, but if you were to ask them to get under the bar with 275 pounds on their back they'd get buried. And to the best of my knowledge, most of the really good squatters (Anderson, Karworski, Coan, Hamman, Hatfield) never attributed their squatting prowess to a lot of work on one-legged squats. So does this mean that one-legged squats are a waste of time? Not exactly. But they're not for building strength.

What usually happens is a coach thinks that one-legged squats will be good for their athlete to do. So they exaggerate the effect of the exercise and tell them that one-legged squats will make the athlete huge and jacked and help them get laid.

So the athlete spends some time doing them, gets a little better at them, but their actual squat doesn't go up and their legs don't change in size. (Plus they don't do any better with the ladies.) The end result is they think the coach is an idiot and they stop doing the one-legged squats.

I think it would be much better if coaches were just honest about what an exercise does. A one-legged squat can be good for your ankles, knees, and hips and can help keep you healthy and mobile. But that's it.

I also believe that if you know why you're doing something you can focus on the purpose of what it's supposed to achieve. If you think one-legged squats are for getting huge, you'll naturally push yourself and try to use more weight, perhaps at the expense of form. If you think their purpose is to keep you healthy and injury free, then you'll start to focus on technique, hip angle, and knee drift, which, most likely, will be more effective.

I recently started doing more one-armed push-ups. I'm not doing them because I think they'll make my chest huge or because I'll instantly add fifty pounds to my bench. I'm doing them to increase my shoulder stability, which might keep me healthy and may yield a better bench press.

Knowing the purpose of an exercise can help you decide if you should do it, how to program it, and if it's giving you the results you want. That can only help you in the long run.


Mistake #4: You don't understand your body.

You can't have a heart to heart talk with your body, but the saying "know thyself" fits best here. As a lifter in the pursuit of strength, at some point you have to start figuring out how your body responds to exercise so you can modify or create programs to meet your goals.

If you're still relatively new to the strength training world (less than five years) I wouldn't fret about this too much; the knowledge will come as long as you're paying attention to what you're doing.

To facilitate the learning, I want you to make a list of ten exercises that you believe, deep in your heart, make you strong. Not what you think other people will say, or what the experts say, but ten exercises that you honestly believe will get you strong. Now look at your program. All of those ten exercises should be what that program is built around.


Mistake #5: You don't do enough negatives.

Strength athletes are usually focused on the positive (concentric) portion of the exercise, which makes sense. They also like to explode on the concentric, pushing it as hard as they can.

But since exploding the weight up is tiring, the athlete often "takes a break" on the negative (eccentric) portion of the lift and lets the bar drop into position. A lot of athletes also like to take advantage of the stretch reflex that a drop in the last several inches of the range of motion will provide.

I believe that as your concentric strength begins to get closer to your eccentric strength, or if you start to feel at some point in the negative portion of the exercise you couldn't stop the weight if you wanted to, then doing some more negatives would be a great idea.

But you can't just load up a bar with a shit-ton of weight and start lowering it; I like to do my negatives a little differently than most.

Most of the time people go super-heavy—well over their 1RM—and they do only one negative rep that's four to six seconds long. I never found that method to be particularly effective for me.

Instead, I do negatives more along the lines of what Arthur Jones suggests.

I pick a weight I can lower for at least ten seconds, have a partner help me lift it back up, and do as many reps as I can with that weight, lowering as slowly as possible with every rep. I stop the set when I can no longer control the weight for at least three seconds.

While I don't want you to get hung up on the percentages, I usually use between 75-85 percent of my 1RM on this technique and usually get between four to eight reps.

Just remember that it's a "negative only" set; you must have a partner help you with the lifting portion of the rep. I would also not advise doing these on squats, deadlifts, or cleans, but they seem to work well for bench, pull-ups, most machine work, curls, and sit-ups.

Adding in one or two negative sets as described at the end of the main exercise for the day seems to work well and can rapidly improve your strength.

Wrap-Up

If you can avoid making these common mistakes and combine that with intense training, progressive overload, and good exercise selection, you may just find yourself stronger than you ever thought possible.


About Tim Henriques

Tim Henriques is the Director of the National Personal Training Institute of VA. NPTI is a 500-hour, 6-12 month long school for personal trainers. He has been devoted to fitness for the past 15 years, in college he was a collegiate All-American Powerlifter, he has competed in several local strongman and armwrestling events, and he currently holds the USAPL VA state record for the deadlift of 700 lbs at 198. He attended James Madison University where he got his degree in Kinesiology with minors in psychology and coaching. He is lifetime drug free. He can be reached via email: NPTITim@aol.com


Tuesday, November 17, 2009

Men Leave: Separation And Divorce Far More Common When The Wife Is The Patient

Men, what the eff is up with this? Are we that lame? This seems like further evidence of the emotional immaturity most men suffer from in this culture. We need to fix this, man by man, group by group.

Men Leave: Separation And Divorce Far More Common When The Wife Is The Patient

ScienceDaily (Nov. 10, 2009) — A woman is six times more likely to be separated or divorced soon after a diagnosis of cancer or multiple sclerosis than if a man in the relationship is the patient, according to a study that examined the role gender played in so-called "partner abandonment." The study also found that the longer the marriage the more likely it would remain intact.

The study confirmed earlier research that put the overall divorce or separation rate among cancer patients at 11.6 percent, similar to the population as a whole. However, researchers were surprised by the difference in separation and divorce rates by gender. The rate when the woman was the patient was 20.8 percent compared to 2.9 percent when the man was the patient.

"Female gender was the strongest predictor of separation or divorce in each of the patient groups we studied," said Marc Chamberlain, M.D., a co-corresponding author and director of the neuro-oncology program at the Seattle Cancer Care Alliance (SCCA). Chamberlain is also a professor of neurology and neurosurgery at the University of Washington School of Medicine.

The study, "Gender Disparity in the Rate of Partner Abandonment in Patients with Serious Medical Illness," was published in the Nov. 15 issue of the journal Cancer. The other corresponding author is Michael Glanz, M.D., of the Huntsman Cancer Institute at the University of Utah School of Medicine.

Why men leave a sick spouse can be partly explained by their lack of ability, compared to women, to make more rapid commitments to being caregivers to a sick partner and women's better ability to assume the burdens of maintaining a home and family, the study authors said.

Researchers at three medical centers -- the SCCA, Huntsman and Stanford University School of Medicine -- enrolled a total of 515 patients in 2001 and 2002 and followed them until February 2006. The men and women were in three diagnostic groups: those with a malignant primary brain tumor (214 patients), those with a solid tumor with no central nervous system involvement (193 patients) and those with multiple sclerosis (108 patients). Almost half of the patients were women.

Chamberlain said the study was initiated because doctors noticed that in their neuro-oncology practices, divorce occurred almost exclusively when the wife was the patient. The researchers enrolled groups of patients with other cancers and with multiple sclerosis to separate the impact of oncologic versus neurological disease. The results showed a stronger gender disparity for divorce when the wife was the patient in the general oncology and multiple sclerosis groups (93 percent and 96 percent respectively, compared to 78 percent for the primary brain tumor group).

The study also found correlations between age and length of marriage and the likelihood of divorce or separation. The older the woman was the more likely her partnership would end. However, longer marriages remained more stable.

Researchers also measured some health and quality of life outcomes among the patients who separated or divorced. They found that patients used more antidepressants, participated less in clinical trials, had more frequent hospitalizations, were less likely to complete radiation therapy and more likely not to die at home, according to the study.

"We believe that our findings apply generally to patients with life-altering medical illness," the authors wrote. "We recommend that medical providers be especially sensitive to early suggestions of marital discord in couples affected by the occurrence of a serious medical illness, especially when the woman is the affected spouse and it occurs early in the marriage. Early identification and psychosocial intervention might reduce the frequency of divorce and separation, and in turn improve quality of life and quality of care."

Fred Hutchinson Cancer Research Center (2009, November 10). Men Leave: Separation And Divorce Far More Common When The Wife Is The Patient. ScienceDaily. Retrieved November 17, 2009, from http://www.sciencedaily.com­ /releases/2009/11/091110105401.htm


Douglas Todd - A New Vocabulary for Men

Here is a key passage from a very good article on the benefits of men learning to be with other men, especially when the culture is down-sizing traditionally male jobs at a record rate.
[M]ost men -- just as they are quick to physically lend a hand to men on a sports teams or to build a garage – also give a damn about the inner pressures on their fellow male travelers. “Men want to help other men,” says Westwood. In an environment that guarantees confidentiality and safety, he says they can easily learn how to be there at an emotional level for other men. “Men don’t want to be coddled by other men. They just want to be seen for who they are.
Men's groups are a good way to be there for each other - learn more here on how to start and lead your own group.

And now the full article, via The Vancouver Sun.

Stu Hoover has seen first-hand the pressure, despair and repressed anger many men experience earning a living.

Hoover was having an after-work beer in a Calgary bar when two friends in the energy industry became embroiled in an intense “heart-to-heart” discussion about their difficult workplace.

Suddenly the conversation “literally exploded” and one of the friends punched the other in the face. The man who began the fight has never returned to his high-paying job -- presumably out of shame. The beer-fueled fight has also wound up in court.

“It was shocking. It was traumatizing,” says Hoover, 38, a trained economist who now lives in Vancouver. Hoover says many men move to oil-rich Alberta with one intention: to make as much money as they can for themselves and family.

To add to Calgary’s grim energy-industry reality, where many routinely bring home between $300,000 and $1 million a year, A few months after the barfight Hoover was downsized out of his own job.

The bar battle was all the motivation Hoover needed to make the huge personal decision to say goodbye to other possibilities in the oil and gas sector and enroll last year in a UBC counseling psychology masters program.

Now Hoover is focusing on career-related men’s issues; or, as he says -- “the place where economics meets psychology.”

Hoover believes his former friend “snapped” because, like many men, he was taking advantage of the numbing effects of alcohol to unload about his stress at work. But his deep-down pain was not being heard by his inebriated workmate.

Hoover knows things could have been different for his former colleagues. In the right context, he has come to learn in the past year or so that men can be there for other men, with, or especially without, alcohol.

After exploring profound personal changes in recent years, Hoover is joining other B.C. men in developing what might be considered a new kind of men’s movement, which is a little different from the one associated with poet Robert Bly in the 1980s and ‘90s.

The time is more than right for men to learn how to back up each other, Hoover believes. The ceaseless pressure that men are feeling to keep themselves, spouses and children living in the “style to which they’re accustomed” has become more intense during this economic crisis.

Many have been calling it a “mancession.”

The word has been coined because this recession is hitting North American and European male workers far harder than female employees.

Jobs in the male-majority industries of construction and manufacturing have been flying out the door to low-wage countries, while female-dominated spheres such as health care, education and the public service have not been pummeled to the same degree.

As Hoover and anyone who understands males will say, there is no quicker way for most men to lose their identity -- their sense of self-worth, their essential masculinity – than to dumped out of a money-earning job. They feel like failures.

With Statistics Canada reporting this year that men are losing their livelihoods at four times the pace of women, some health-care agencies are reporting that devastated men, their all-important “provider” image in shreds, are looking for someone to talk to.

Traditionally, men have had a great deal of trouble seeking help after losing a job or enduring other crises. In times of emotional chaos, the standing North American statistic is that, while one in three women seek some sort of counseling, only one in seven men do.

How can battered men find hope?

* * *

In the midst of the “mancession,” some are making headway in responding to fellow males who are struggling with all kinds of downturns in their lives.

Innovative psychotherapists at the University of B.C. and throughout Metro Vancouver have been taking the lead in providing a safe place for men to air their sorrow and dreams -- in the company of other men.

Hoover has worked in various ways with UBC educational psychology professor Marvin Westwood (right) and Dr. David Kuhl, who also works for Providence Health Care.

They are coming up with a new vocabulary, sometimes literally, to help men better understand and support each other.

Over the years Westwood and Kuhl have led more than 50 workshops for men everywhere from Bowen Island to the Rocky Mountains. Participants have ranged from grandfathers to young male adults.

Westwood and Kuhl recognize it can be a tough time to be a man these days, especially in a harsh economy.

While jobs for traditional male “breadwinners” are increasingly under threat – and women now make up half the workforce in North America – the gender balance in higher education has shifted, leaving many men off balance.

Men are wondering, Kuhl says, how they fit in as “minorities” in academia, where roughly 60 per cent of those enrolled in most Canadian undergraduate, graduate and professional schools are now female.

Larry Green (below left), a Vancouver therapist who has specialized in working with older and especially younger men, says some women have long had to endure being treated as “sex objects.”

But men, more subtly, have unconsciously been treated by the culture as “success objects,” valued mainly for their ability to be productive -- providers who put food on the table.

With this recession highlighting how the economy may be slowly shifting against men, their upheaval is exacerbated.

To add to the crisis, North American culture continues to fail to offer up many models for what it means to be a healthy male.

The mass media and entertainment industries are full of destructive and contradictory images – ranging from men as helpless buffoons to men as unfeeling action figures.

There are few models of manhood embodying strength and integrity.
Read the whole article. There's lots more good stuff.


Monday, November 16, 2009

Felicia Townsend - Men Also Hurt: Dealing With Gender Stereotypes Against Men

Good article - there is a serious issue in this culture with men not being able to express hurt, and the people around them expecting them not to feel hurt and pain. We need to change that.

Men Also Hurt: Dealing With Gender Stereotypes Against Men

who-can-i-talk-to

A recent discussion about why a man would cheat on a wife who is beautiful, rich and famous in her own right brought out a lot of stereotypes among the women participants, to the extent that men complained about being stereotyped.

“Men are sexual predators by nature and many will step over the line whether they are with men or women, whether their partners are willing or not, pretty or not, sexy or not,” one commenter said.

“Not all men are fuckwits, neither are all woman… but some really try and change your mind!” said another female commentor.

Another discussion looked at why we stereotype men as the bad guys in multiple concurrent partnerships. “How do men come to be so demonised, and we seem to allow it huh?,” asked a male commentor.”

“It takes two to tango. So why do the men get singled out! If anything the women bear as much responsibility as the men,” another female commentor said.

To help us think through some of the stereotypes women may have against men, here is an article by Felicia Townsend. We sourced the article from Ezine Articles.

Men Also Hurt

By Felicia Townsend

Men and women should listen to each other; learn to communicate how they feel

I’m as guilty as the next woman of complaining about why men act as they do and do the things that they do.

I’m often quick to blame them for hurting women and children, for being the takers of life in a certain twisted way because they can’t give birth to life.

Usually I will draw on the facts and the statistics of crime through domestic abuse, rape, incest, assault, and murder to highlight the obvious facts that men all around the world have some real psychological wounds that are not being addressed.

Sunday, November 15, 2009

Jayson Gaddis - Revolutionary Man Leadership Training

This training is a must for any man who wants to learn to be the man you are capable of becoming.

The Revolutionary Man Leadership training is a program that will put you on your “edge,” where all true learning takes place out of your comfort zone. You’ll be challenged, confronted, celebrated and seen. Prepare to live: really live. Without risk – the guts, there is no reward – the glory. Jayson helps you get there.
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Friday, November 13, 2009

Sayadaw U Tejaniya - Essential Tips for Observing the Moment in Mindfulness Meditation

We all benefit from being more mindful, at work, in the gym, or at home - especially with our romantic partners. In this brief article from Tricycle, Sayadaw U Tejaniya offers some essential tips for observing the moment in mindfulness meditation.

Observing Minds Want to Know

Sayadaw U Tejaniya gives essential tips for observing the moment in mindfulness meditation.

By Sayadaw U Tejaniya

BEFORE WE START practicing mindfulness meditation, we must know how to practice. We need to have the right information and a clear understanding of the practice to work with awareness intelligently. This information will work at the back of your mind when you meditate.

1. Meditating is watching and waiting patiently with awareness and understanding. Meditation is not trying to experience something you have read about or heard about.

2. When meditating, both the body and mind should be comfortable.

3. You are not trying to make things turn out the way you want them to happen. You are trying to know what is happening as it is.

4. You have to accept and watch both good and bad experiences. You want only good experiences? You don’t want even the tiniest unpleasant experience? Is this reasonable? Is this the way of the dhamma?

5. Don’t feel disturbed by the thinking mind. You are not practicing to prevent thinking, but rather to recognize and acknowledge thinking whenever it arises.

6. The object of attention is not really important: the observing mind that is working to be aware is of real importance. If the observing is done with the right attitude, any object is the right object.

7. Just pay attention to the present moment. Don’t get lost in thoughts about the past. Don’t get carried away by thoughts about the future.


From Don’t Look Down On the Defilements: They Will Laugh at You, © Ashin Tejaniya. Reprinted with permission.


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Thursday, November 12, 2009

Humor - The Gentleman's Discourse

From The Onion - one of the cool things about being a grown-up is that I no longer have nights like this.

Excuse Me, But I'll Be Handling The Gentleman's Discourse For The Rest Of The Evening

By A 750-Milliliter Bottle of Whiskey
November 10, 2009 | Issue 45•46

A 750-Milliliter Bottle of Whiskey

Ah, pardon me, milady. May I have a word? I trust you're enjoying tonight's festivities? I should say I am. Nothing stirs the blood quite like an evening of dancing, conversing, and libations, wouldn't you say? My apologies for the confusion; while I'm aware that you have been speaking with the gentleman here, I should let you know that, as he has now imbibed a considerable proportion of my contents, the conversational duties will henceforth fall to yours truly.

I think we've heard quite enough from him by now, anyhow.

I should clarify: You began a conversation with a somewhat charming and erudite man, and now you shall be interacting solely with me, the substance contained within an ordinary bottle of whiskey. The shift is slightly jarring, I'll admit, and perhaps even unsettling. Nevertheless, let me assure you that this is as he intended. By consuming nearly half my contents, he elected to have me act as his proxy in all manner of interpersonal communications.

You'll be getting to know me quite well over the next three hours, or at least until I take over his body in toto and pass out in the nearest chair, whichever comes first. If you care to listen, I believe you'll find many of my anecdotes and opinions fascinating. For example, were you aware that it took him nearly half an hour to drive himself here because the Chinaman in front of him never learned to read a damned speedometer?

Now, now, please—calm yourself. Before you jump to conclusions, know that I am not being deliberately racist. No, that's just the sort of unfiltered "from the hip"—if I can use the vernacular—statements you can expect for the rest of the night. I'll be unearthing many facets of his personality of which he himself was previously unaware, as represented by the aforementioned racially charged remark, a few half-baked political notions, and a long, rambling explanation of why his former romantic partner was so wrong to abandon him despite the fact that he dedicated nearly three years of his life to her and who in the hell was she to imply that he was incapable of loving anyone but himself?

This reminds me, I have also been tasked with undertaking all possible romantic endeavors tonight. Most likely this will occur in the form of an awkward pass; perhaps I'll lean in to brush your hair out of your face but inadvertently poke you in the eye, because I will have control of his motor functions as well.

Have I mentioned that you have great tits?

My apologies, that was merely an observation intended as a compliment. I can see how it might be misinterpreted, but believe me, I had only the purest intentions at heart. In matters of beauty, I prefer to do away with formalities, and in point of fact, they are quite impressive as far as tits are concerned.

I say, is that Van Halen I hear? Ah, splendid. Permit me to scream "Hell, yeah! Turn that shit up, goddamn it!" Also, if you would be so kind as to indulge me in this opportunity to pantomime playing multiple instruments. I am infrequently afforded a setting in which to clumsily pretend I am performing before an audience I imagine to be appreciative, and I must say I do enjoy it so.

Panama! Whoo! Panama-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha…Pana…. Fucking Panama!

Well now, I suppose at this point you should know that I am also assuming the duties ordinarily filtered by his sense of decorum and dignity. This will result in some spectacularly bad dancing, as well a fair amount of drooling. I may also stand over a bowl of chips and shovel them into my mouth with the same glassy-eyed stare one sometimes sees on a particularly unintelligent dog or cow. But fear not! If I should overstep some social convention, you may inform me in any way you see fit without fear of consequence, as my charge will have no recollection of it the next day.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I believe I've been slighted by that gentleman who just bumped into me, and I feel that the only way to maintain my honor is to call him a fucking faggot and engage in fisticuffs. I've enjoyed this chat, and look forward to talking once again, assuming I don't decide that I'm going to take over tonight's driving duties as well.


Transitioning through Life’s Phases: Midlife Crisis


This was the Daily Om from a day or two ago.

I'm 42 years young, which means - as a man in this country - I am entering midlife. According to the prevailing wisdom, I should be expecting a crisis sometime soon. Men, the story goes, do not handle well the realization that they are aging and are no longer young. So, maybe I'll get a red sports car, or a 20 year old blond girlfriend.

Or not.

I actually had my crisis already, in my 30's (when I left Seattle for my proverbial 40 days in the desert), so I should not have too much to worry about. Besides, I have never been more happy than I am right now. And, really, I sill look like I'm in my early 30's anyway.

But, seriously, we all face transitions and life crises at some point or another. How we deal with them determines whether we grow from them or allow them to damage us. This little article suggests that we might want to look within for guidance when these challenges come our way, rather than allow baseless cultural biases to determine how we feel about ourselves.

Transitioning through Life’s Phases
Midlife Crisis

In our youth-oriented culture, the process of aging is not honored as it once was. There have been societies that looked to those who were older for leadership, understanding that their life experiences must have brought some wisdom with them. Our society tends to put more value on looking youthful, so when the time comes that we don’t look, move, or feel the way we once did, this causes a sudden jolt to our perception of ourselves. We can look at this shift as a crisis and fight against change, or we can take the opportunity to transition smoothly to a new phase of life.

We spend our youth learning who we are and what we are capable of accomplishing. As we set and reach our goals, it is easy to identify ourselves by our roles. At some point we may feel very comfortable in the idea that we have a complete understanding of ourselves. This is, inevitably, when things change and we get to see ourselves from a new perspective. Those who have reached their goals may wonder where to go from there, feeling uncomfortable with the new choice of parts to play. Others may have to let go of an identity that was built around a goal that was not reached and decide from what foundation to rebuild. Although it can be challenging to shift into a new expression of self, we may find that we’re better suited for this fresh path of self-discovery and the new perspective it brings.

Whether we find ourselves facing a midlife crisis or any life transition, we can take the time to get in touch with our inner selves. From the unchanging spirit within us, we can accept and embrace the changes that come with the human experience. Examining where we’ve been and what we’ve learned can point in the direction of all that we would like to do now and in the future. When we anchor our identity in our spiritual nature, we understand that physical change does not change who we are, but only offers another perspective from which to experience, understand, and celebrate life.


Wednesday, November 11, 2009

The New Man - Episode 83: What is a Men's Group and Why Should You Care?

Tripp and Jayson want to teach you to start and lead your own men's group. If you would like to sign up for their training, Men's Group 101, simply follow this link.

Episode 83: What is a Men's Group and Why Should You Care?

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Are you one of those guys who -- deep down -- is wondering, “What in the hell am I doing with my life?”

When you get in the weeds, do you tend to isolate like a wounded animal?

And how likely are you to really follow through on all of those goals?

This week Revolutionary Man, Jayson Gaddis and I dive into a solution for any guy who has ever felt stuck, isolated and unable to follow through. We’re talking about men’s groups.

We’re excited to tell you about the benefits of participating in a men’s group as well as a killer new offer from http://www.mensgroup101.com/thenewman

In this episode:

  • What is a men’s group?
  • What is it not?
  • Why should you care?
  • How would you know if a men’s group could benefit you?
  • How are most guys screwing up?
  • How are some guys like walking tea kettles?
  • What does this have to do with a fear of failure?
  • How do truly successful guys utilize the power of others?

If you would like to sign up for their training, simply follow this link.