Michael Taylor - Male Transformation: A Mans Journey To Wholeness

Here is this week's podcast from Coach Michael Taylor on his A New Conversation with Men show (Blog Talk Radio). His guests are Keith Merron and Tim Kelly. They have created a workshop called Sword and Scepter (relating to warrior and king) that is specifically designed to support men in understanding how to embrace new ways of being and relating as men, providing a road map for men to follow that leads them to wholeness.

My sense is that this workshop aims to change a man's relationship to and with power, advocating a more responsible and compassionate use of leadership power (scepter) and assertive power (sword).

Male Transformation - A Mans Journey To Wholeness

Coach Michael Taylor

Find Additional Education Podcasts with Coach Michael Taylor on BlogTalkRadio

Are there solutions to the senseless acts of violence perpetuated by men that are so common in our society? Will new gun laws or additional legislation help eradicate these problems? Is it part of a mans genetic makeup to be violent?

Contrary to negative media generated stereotypes about men, men are not inherently violent and they can learn to be more loving, sensitive and caring. They can be taught to deal appropriately with their anger and they can embrace new ways of being and relating as men.

What has been missing is a resource that deals specifically with the complexity of the changing roles of masculinity. What is needed is a dialog about A Mans Journey To Wholeness.

One such resource is the Sword and Scepter workshop facilitated by Keith Merron and Tim Kelly. This workshop was specifically designed to support men in understanding how to embrace new ways of being and relating as men and it provides a road map for men to follow that leads them to wholeness.

Join Coach Michael Taylor as he interviews the developers of the Sword & Scepter workshop and learn how the workshop can support men in living extraordinary lives.

For more info about the workshop log on to: www.swordandscepter.net

From the website for Sword and Scepter, here is a description of the workshop and what one can expect during the four days. PLEASE NOTE: I am not advocating this process, just sharing the information.

The Sword and Scepter Workshop

A 4-day Exploration of Masculine Power

The Sword and Scepter Workshop operates from the assumption that deepening one’s power is a process. It requires courageous opening to oneself, to others, and to the deepest aspects of what it means to be a conscious man in this world. It is our belief that learning about power has a dual edge: the inner exploration of power and its development, and its outer expression in effective forms. We work both of these edges throughout the workshop, seeking to discover both a deeper sense of self and its viable and authentic expression.

What You Can Expect from the 4-day Sword and Scepter Workshop

• A better understanding of your own relationship to power
• An understanding of the motives that drive you to express or repress your power
• An experience of expressing power with other men
• A model for healthy expression of male power
• A sense of when your own power serves and when it harms
• An enhanced ability to harness and channel your personal power

What You Will Experience
The workshop is structured as a series of exercises, experiences, and conversations, rather than lectures and instruction. Participants will join in an exploration in which each man brings his own wisdom and experiences to the circle. We will explore male power through a variety of means, including:

• Exercises designed to help participant see how they show up as men
• Exercises designed to draw out masculine power
• Opportunities to see the impact of power
• Journaling and other self-reflective activities
• Men’s Council
• Accessing timeless masculine archetypes, such as king and warrior
• Meditation, visioning, and work with imagery
• Giving and receiving feedback.

The workshop begins on a Thursday evening and runs through Sunday.

How We Are Different
Compared to other workshops, we're different due to:

• Our purpose. This is a workshop about masculine power. We are not going to tell you how to be a man. We are not a men's social group. We are not a workshop company. We don't exist primarily to make money. We are here specifically to expand your consciousness in the area of power.
• Who we work with. We focus on men already interested in their own growth and development. We are not trying to convince men of the value of focusing on their own growth. Most men come through invitation, word of mouth. The men show up ready to work, you get more for the time spent.
• The team. Several men putting on the event are volunteering their time, and we are primarily covering costs, and proceeds go to the non-profit Tribe of Men. Many of the men are highly successful workshop conductors, coaches, consultants and executives in their own right. You'll get multiple perspectives and examples.
• Follow-up. We believe growth requires more than a "great weekend". The Sword and Scepter ended up creating the Tribe of Men, a non-profit organization dedicated to expanding the consciousness of men. The Tribe can provide ongoing support for interested men, at a price you set for yourself.

 

Jayson Gaddis: The Initiation into Manhood (Interviewed at Inner Gladiator)

The Inner Gladiator's Max Nachamkin recently interviewed Jayson Gaddis, "a relationship healer, psychotherapist, and guide devoted to helping people awaken through relationship, intimacy, and parenting."

The Initiation into Manhood Ft. Jayson Gaddis

This week I interviewed Jayson Gaddis, a relationship healer, psychotherapist, and guide devoted to helping people awaken through relationships. He’s passionate about the role of masculinity in today’s society, and has a strikingly awesome view on what it means to become a man.

If you’re going through a tough time right now, this podcast will benefit you the most. Specifically, you’ll learn:

• The two important tools a man should utilize while figuring out who he is
• Why we are taught to close ourselves off to the world and why this is hurting our growth
• How to deal with people who judge you for wanting to grow
• How to go through an initiation process that will help you become a stronger man
• The importance of joining a men’s group to discover the truth of who you are quickly
• And more as always

You can also download the podcast through iTunes and listen to it later if you’re on the go. Enjoy! 

If you enjoy this podcast, please share it with a friend because it can help them today. 

To learn more about Jayson and what he does, visit his website by clicking here.

Duncan Alldridge - A Man in the Presence of Men

Duncan Alldridge is the blogger behind Our Masculine Heart (UK) a cool blog "talking about men and masculinity." Nice title. I am not sure how I found his blog, but it's good stuff, although I wish he posted more often. This is the current post from back in November (2012).

A Man in the Presence of Men

Posted on November 27, 2012

 

I’m heading down a darkening, wintry M3, returning home from an intense weekend in a Wiltshire forest. I’m sleepless, tender, and inspired by the healing power of a group of men. During the past few weekends I’ve attended various events and workshops with men: in Brighton, in London and here, near Salisbury. I want to write about how it feels being in the presence of men.

Men Together

There’s nothing more grounding for me than being in the company of my own sex: no distractions, straight talking, the sense of humour, men together getting things done. I feel at home, as if I’ve come home, and even though I’m meeting many of these men for the first time, everyone here understands me in a way no woman ever can.

Do I allow this to happen enough in my life?

I look deeply into his eyes, beyond the mysteries of his childhood, and held within a deep, beautiful vulnerability, lies the heart of this man. I feel his tenderness, longing and pain. I see myself reflected as his father, his brother, his son, and sense his spirit, lightly, flickering, slowly meeting mine. I am beyond my body now, in the places where God moves, and something holy here dances between us.

When I strip away the societal conditioning of how I am expected to be as a man – me against the world, just surviving, defined by my work and in a world where I’m taught that repressing my feelings is the only way to get on – and then step into a held space with other men, it’s as if the whole world tilts. I find I can speak what’s on my heart without fear of judgement, I feel I am not alone and that other men are similar to me – they too have been hounded by addictions: pornography, computer games, sex, alcohol and drugs, they too are wounded by the world, they too know what it’s like to be truly alone.

Shared Suffering

As I grew up I was conditioned into thinking that being ‘emotional’ was weak and that it was something best avoided or overridden rather than experienced. Vulnerability was what women ‘did’ and so for me to really feel was something to be ashamed of and therefore something that I learned to hold back. It’s okay for a girl to cry at school, in fact she’s not a girl unless she can do this, but it’s absolutely not okay for a boy. So, like many of us, I spent years and years storing up my pain.

A circle of 30 men define a woodland space. ‘Any man who has lost a loved one or partner – step forward. Men, you share a special bond.’ Damp leaves carpet the wet earth. As men step forward I feel time expand and the space around me ripe with the fruit of our shared past, our history; the circles of men that have stood for thousands of years.

As the circle shifts, I feel one man’s pain, then another. As if we are one body we stand; and as the inner circle of men sharing their grief shifts, I feel the presence of an ancestry only rarely recalled. I feel an overbearing sense of grief; and as the men’s tears moisten their cheeks and fall, we are lifted up into a unity and togetherness that I yearn for all men to share.

I’m crying again. A deep, deep sense of grief. I cry. I cry for us all, for those men before me, and those to come; for everything I’ve ever lost: my childhood, my friends, the women I’ve met and will never meet, for love undiscovered; for her, for you, for life, for God.

For me, they are the tears of deep healing, the years of stored male grief; all of our shared tears. And they are the same tears that invite me to fully live the next beautiful, sunlit morning.

After I cried I felt relieved… and happy and grateful, and maybe not fully healed, but helped in a huge way by expressing my feelings… (Thomas G Fiffer – Boys Do Cry, and Men Do, Too)

Taking It To The Men

No woman wants to be her man’s mother. It’s the last thing she desires or needs. It’s a complete turn off. It’s just a big NO.

So why is it I so often fall back into doing it?

How many times have I taken my needs to my women? Just how many? I don’t know about you but it makes me squirm. Let’s just say too many.

I’ll only set her free by taking it to the men.

I feel the circle around me, the men’s faces, their presence. I move them both around the space, the two women in my life. And as I stand apart from them both, fully seen in my need, I know that I am a man, my father’s son. I leave them both to their paths and step back into the circle, more determined and resolved – to keep on taking it to the men.

Validation

Is there anything more powerful than being validated by another man – where a man actually comes to you, meets you fully in the eyes and gives you positive affirmation? I don’t mean being told I’m a clever guy who’s funny, but have you ever heard a man speak fully of his experience of you? Until my early 40s the nearest I’d got to this was a few drunk ‘I love yous’ in a pub, or some throw away comments that never landed and fit only for the wind. I was too scared to make myself vulnerable. It’s my conditioning. Maybe I still wanted to be one up; I loved him, but I wouldn’t trust him with my heart.

As men, we need each other’s validation. The validation we maybe didn’t get from our fathers. The validation that, over the years, has been replaced by individualism, narcissism and competition. My father gave me strong positive affirmation many times, but if he were unable to meet me in this way, it’s possible that I’d never get this validation anywhere else.

As the men’s words sink in I feel my heartbeat, the visceral pumping blood of history, the man inside me preparing to rule, a benevolent king ready to serve. I feel an inner strength within me, shining, and I feel something of the boy in me die. My spirit quickens, I sense God’s gentle power and feel ready to stand in the world.

Radio National Encounter - MEN AND FAITH

Dr. Joseph Gelfer, who I have featured many times on this blog, is one of the featured guests on this episode of Radio National's Encounter program devoted to men and faith. Gelfer is the editor of the Journal of Men, Masculinities and Spirituality, and he is the author of Numen, Old Men: Contemporary Masculine Spiritualities, and the Problem of Patriarchy, and The Masculinity Conspiracy (which also can be read online for free).

MEN AND FAITH

Listen now

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Broadcast: Saturday 22 December 2012 

Over the last few years there’s been a surprising re-emergence of men’s groups, with conservative Christian groups like the Promise Keepers filling sporting stadia in the US, and Catholic men of all ages undergoing initiation ceremonies. So this week on Encounter we’re taking a look at how Christian and Jewish men define masculinity today, and how it affects their relationship to power, women and other men. We’ll also find out about the history of men’s movements and ask about the future for men of faith.

Publications

Title: Numen, Old Men: Contemporary Masculine Spiritualities, and the Problem of Patriarchy

Author: Joseph Gelfer

Publisher: Equinox Publishing Ltd 2009

Further Information

Center for Action and Contemplation

Fr. Richard Rohr

Men Transforming Men

Spiritual men's group in Brisbane, Qld that runs initiation ceremonies

Nefesh synagogue, Bondi Beach

Rabbi Ritchie Moss

Joseph Gelfer

Freedom2b

Freedom2b assists Lesbian, Gay, Bi-sexual, Transgender and Intersex people from Christian backgrounds on their journey to reconciling their faith, sexuality, and gender identity.

I Met Myself for the First Time Today

Through Coach Michael Taylor's webcast (A New Conversation with Men), I have discovered an interesting new site called Men's Group, created by Brett Churnin and Mike Britton. The site provides a wealth of information on men's groups, including why we might want to join one, how they work (or can work), how to form one, and a whole lot more. It's an excellent resource. Coach Taylor will be speaking with Brett and Mike on Friday, February 17th, so check it out.

Their site also includes a blog, so I thought I'd take a look. The first post I came upon was this one below, I met myself for the first time today, which reads a little like a prose poem. Nice piece.

I met myself for the first time today 

I control and am in control because that is how I am able to protect myself.

The exploration started from that place and why my heart as a way of being is closed and protected.

And how it expresses itself in my life is that I control things and people – because that which I can control can not hurt me.

But he who controls also dominates, imposes, tells, forces, distrusts and manipulates.

All of that without even realising that I was doing it.

My earliest memories of controlling people and situations goes back to Kindergarden. I was really small and being small I was scared of the big kids.

So controlling became a way to survive. I did not have the physical size but I did have the brain. So I became the leader. I had my gang and I told them what to do. Where to play, how to treat the others – and my gang protected me.

Despite being the controller I have still been hurt many times in my life, mainly by woman.

This morning I woke up and I asked God to help me. I recounted all the people who had hurt me, let me down, betrayed me, left me, abandoned me and I forgave each and all of them.

I did it with words and I released them.

I then asked God to open me and open my heart.

Nothing happened.

I asked again, I lay prostrate, my arms open like a crucifix, vulnerable and surrendered.

Nothing happened.

I asked out loud and then my jaw locked, I could not open my mouth.

And I heard or felt a voice saying “you do not believe your word”

And then I grew silent, it grew silent. I asked myself to just be, be in silence, I said to myself – no one is coming into this room, no one knows I am here, my phone is off, no one is going to ring, there is nowhere to go so just be here.

As I lay, things came up, experiences, conversations, and I felt myself loving right into them, almost like acceptance as an active process, A person, a judgement, an experience I just loved deeply into it and it felt peaceful, powerful, liberating.

I felt cleansed, and clean and this time I asked God in silence to come in.

Nothing happened.

And so I lay there quietly for a while until needing a pee became a strong enough reason to get out of bed.

I got up and went to the bathroom. As I walked past the mirror I caught my refection so I went to the mirror and stared at myself.

I could feel that I was confronted by this person in the mirror, separate, even fearful, I could say “hi” to this person like I would a stranger. And then I stopped and looked at him and said ” hi ” again, and we stared at each other and laughed out loud but it was still the laugh of strangers.

I asked the him who was me in the mirror If it was okay for me to go and have a pee and I got the absurdity of the question. I got that I was asking this question to myself like a stranger would ask it as if he in the mirror were someone else.

I went and peed and then returned to the mirror.

This time we looked deeply into each others eyes. At first I was confronted by him, this stranger but his eyes were soft and so I stared and he stared back. We drank each other in and I said hello, lovingly, with deep respect and compassion, and with love. And he answered back in the same loving way.

And we breathed, and we drank each other in more deeply this time, and we softened and then I met myself for the very first time.

We laughed and then we cried and I was no longer afraid of the man in the mirror.

Hi we said to each other again, Hi we said back.

And tears rolled down our cheeks

Art of Manliness - The Importance of Trusting Men in Your Circle

Good article. A lot of men feel more comfortable with women than they do with men - maybe it's a competition thing, a holdover from our evolutionary past when all males were competing for dominance and mating opportunities. Or maybe it's that trust comes with emotional awareness and openness, and so many men are never taught how to be open with their feelings, to know what they feel and be able to share it. Or maybe it's that men are socialized to never be too open with other men, fearing it might look girly or gay to do so. Likely, it's a combination of many factors.

Learning to trust other men, though, is an important part of maturity.

The Importance of Trusting Men in Your Circle

by A MANLY GUEST CONTRIBUTOR on AUGUST 26, 2011

Editor’s note: This is a guest post from Wayne M. Levine of BetterMen.org.

I lead men’s groups. I’ve seen the obstacles men face in developing trusting relationships with other men. These obstacles come in all shapes and sizes. But what they have in common is their power to keep men stuck…right where they are. The key to getting unstuck, to becoming a better man, father, husband, and leader, is to find a way through these obstacles, and to allow yourself to fully trust the men in your circle.

Why is developing these trusting relationship so important? Well, to become the best men we can be, we need to be in the company of other men. Many men feel far more comfortable in the company of women. That’s to be expected in our feminized culture. Most men of the last couple of generations were raised by their mothers, or other women, while their fathers were barely present. These boys didn’t receive their fair share of masculine modeling, guidance, and nurturing. It stands to reason that these men would feel more comfortable sharing their feelings, time, and trust with women.

So what’s the problem with that? If you’re still young, you may not have bumped up against the issues that will undoubtedly arise as you find yourself facing the challenges of long-term relationships, career choices, child rearing, mid-life, addictions, fidelity, and mortality, to name just a few!

Those of us who are longer in the tooth have had to confront our doubts, fears, and limitations as men who have been taught to rely primarily on women for advice. Women can teach us many things, but they cannot initiate us into manhood. For that, we require other men, fathers, and mentors.

Men who have continued to rely on their female significant others as their sole source of guidance, their only sounding board, or for their psychotherapeutic interventions, have seen their long-term relationships deteriorate. These men are asking too much of the women they love.

Those who have chosen to deal with these challenges alone have, more often than not, found themselves on the losing end of their own counsel. But those of us who have been fortunate enough to be introduced to the benefits of these strong male relationships have received the guidance, butt-kicking, love, and mentoring we’ve needed to navigate the treacherous waters of our lives.

Some of you may have already dismissed this notion of men needing other men. It’s difficult to see the need you may have for something you have never seen, experienced, or valued. How can you be expected to appreciate the benefits of something that our society has relegated to the shadow for generations? But I can assure you, each of us men have so much to gain through our relationships with other good, committed men. More about the benefits in a moment. Let’s get back to the obstacles.

Read the whole article.

Boysen Hogdson - Honing Our Integral Edges

Several years ago, one of my clients (a Mankind Project group leader) told me that he had heard there was effort being made to include an integral perspective, specifically a Spiral Dynamics Integral approach, into the Mankind Project training and leadership systems.

Boysen Hodgson, one of the national leaders of MKP, recently posted an article about where those efforts have led - a new telecourse to introduce members to the integral model.

I'd be curious to see if this leads to some reevaluation of their training model (New Warrior Weekends) that some initiates have claimed are emotionally abusive.

Honing Our Integral Edges

All Quadrants, All Levels

by Boysen Hodgson
August 17, 2011

In the ManKind Project, we’re voracious integrators. Our trainings and groups are a tightly mixed alchemical combination of exercises, modalities and practices from across the spectrum of personal growth, psychology, spiritual, ritual and physical practices. Men from different traditions and multiple generations have brought their unique gifts to the ManKind Project and our men’s circles, and men show up around them to learn and integrate new ways of thinking and new skills to use in the work that we do.

We’re a learning organization, at every level. Here’s one of the ways I’ve learned.

For nearly 2 years, Rich Tosi, David Kaar, Tom Pittner, George Daranyi, Carl Griesser, John Gaughn, Bill Kauth, myself  and a up to 5 other ManKind Project leaders and community members met on the phone every two weeks to talk about the intersection and integration of Spiral Dynamics and Integral thinking into the DNA of the ManKind Project.

The call was commonly called the ‘Spiral Call’. It started as a court of support for our past Chairman, George Daranyi. It evolved into a platform for a close knit tribe of men to discuss cultural change on a micro and a macro level.

We explored how to fully embody the kind of leadership we want to model in MKP – an Integral style that deeply honors and values the differences and stages that men who come to us are in, and invites them to push their edges. A style of leadership that seeks to transcend attachment to any one way of seeing the world … and embraces and honors them all for the gifts they bring and the ways they have helped all of us evolve (to transcend AND include).

We weren’t holding theoretical discussions. We were looking on every phone call at specific issues, challenges and evolutionary steps that the ManKind Project was facing.

Read the whole article.

Owen Marcus - If You Want to Change – Go Deep

Owen Marcus wrote a guest post for the folks at The Mankind Project - it's good stuff. I think this is approach will work well with a lot of men - I'm just not one of those men - but Owen has a lot more experience in this than I do

If You Want to Change – Go Deep

June 28, 2011

by Owen Marcus

I, like the rest of us, would much rather do the minimum than work hard. Why do more than you need to?

Well, there are times when our mental solutions don’t work. In this post on my blog I write about how the mantra of our groups is – “Take the man deeper” produces a level of change unattainable from any mental technique I have ever seen.

We are trained to be smart, to come up with solutions to problems. We compete to come up with the best solution as quickly as possible. Our egos, or at least I will say mine, wants to be the “smartest man in the room.” We admire men who are articulate in their solutions.

This strategy might work well in business, law or many of our professions. It doesn’t work well for sustainable change. Whenever this strategy is in the room we are defensive, as we should be. There is a competition happening, we need to step up – not step down into our feelings.

Knowing that as men we are inherently competitive, I help orchestrate in our groups a subtle competition of who can go the deepest, the quickest. We have all seen it; the man who speaks the unspeakable immediately gets the respect of all the other men. Isn’t it strange, doing the thing we are trained not to do produces the most respect?

How to go deep

I explain in the post that learning how to go deep comes from observing those that have gone there and can go there when needed, in other words, modeling it. In the ‘real world’ we don’t often see this behavior, but in our groups we do. The senior men step up and model the courage it takes to say the unspeakable or to expose oneself when the situation is not safe.

A powerful weekly group is your best support for developing your ability to go deep within yourself and to hold the space for another man to go there.

Owen Marcus, MA a Rolfer, holistic medical clinic owner, men’s group leader and for 30 years has catalyzed deep change for other men. His blog – www.owenmarcus.com addresses a wide range of concerns for men. Owen was a featured speaker at the Ultimate Men’s Summit in June 2011. He completed the New Warrior Training Adventure in October 2007.

Tags: Men, Health, Relationship, Shadow, Work, Opinion, MKP, Mankind Project, Owen Marcus, If You Want to Change, Go Deep, honesty, men's groups, shadow work, psychology, personal growth

William Harryman & Own Marcus - From Boy to Man -- What It Takes To Finally Grow Up

We had a great discussion yesterday for those of you who could join us or who have listened to the audio of the talk. Owen and I shared a lot of similar ideas, but we come at them from different backgrounds and different experiences, which makes life more interesting.

My sincerest thanks to both Owen and Lion for a fun hour of conversation.

One thing I found interesting was that our talk - number 59 and occurring on the 7th day of the 10 day event - was the first one to bring up the topic of shame in men's lives. It's hard for me to imagine that we can talk about men evolving in any way without dealing with the anchor of shame so many of us carry.

We touch briefly on PTSD - one point I wanted to make that I didn't get a chance for was to suggest that the shame so many of us experience as boys is a kind of trauma, and the more it is repeated by family or peers, the more likely it is that the boy will grow into a man who carries a variation of PTSD. Certainly not all men will experience this, but many will.

And these are the men who cannot be criticized without experiencing a shame attack (I know all about this). Their inner critic is so finely honed from growing up in a shaming environment (remember, inner parts are there to help, so in this case the critic tries to point out ALL possible flaws and mistakes before anyone else notices and launches an attack from the outside), that if it hears any kind of criticism, even where none is intended, it launches its own brutal attack. The result of this is that many men either shut down emotionally and withdraw (my habit) or strike out in anger, because anger is safer than hurt and shame.

Anyway, just wanted to spell that out since I didn't get to say it in the session.

I hope you enjoy the discussion.

From Boy to Man -- What It Takes To Finally Grow Up

Hosted by
Lion Goodman

William Harryman

Owen Marcus

Play audio:

Download audio

Tags: William Harryman, Own Marcus, From Boy to Man, What It Takes To Finally Grow Up, Lion Goodman, Ultimate Men's Summit, men, men's groups, maturity, shame, psychology, mentors, trauma, PTSD, gender, gender roles, stereotypes, mindfulness, development, masculine, masculinity, feminine, women, feminism

Craig Filek - The Strength of Masculine Support

I met Craig at the Evolving Men Conference last summer in Boulder - good guy. He's been involved in men's work for a while now and has a lot to offer. He recently posted this on his Facebook page - it's a nice example of how men can support each other in getting real - and the strength that comes from supporting each other.

The Strength of Masculine Support

by Craig Filek on Friday, March 25, 2011

On the last men's leadership training, I stepped out on the carpet because a man asked for challenge.

It was late, the room was charged, and the man was workin the edge of his shadow. We danced. I felt fear.

He started talking shit to me. I leaned in. He said he wanted to feel my power. He just wanted to push on me and feel my strength.

He was asking for permission. I wanted to give it. I wanted him to feel it. I wanted him to feel supported by me.

And I knew he would topple me. So I asked for support from the men standing around us in circle. Holding space.

Instantly, there were 10 hands on my back. I saw these men had hands on their back. I was invincible. He knew it.

He put his hands on my shoulders. He stepped back in a loose runnners lunge. He looked me in the eye. He pushed.

As I stood there, effortlessly supporting this man in his desire to feel my strength, I knew it was not my strength at all.

It was the strength of the men who supported me he was feeling. I was merely holding space for his work.

Tags: men, men's work, men's groups, power, strength, masculinity, support, Craig Filek, The Strength of Masculine Support, men's leadership training

Mankind Project Connected to Lawsuit by Lawyer Who Refusd to Attend a Weekend Retreat Involving Nudity with Boss and Coworkers

Wow, WTF?! This is the kind of shit that gives men's work a bad name. This is also the kind of stuff that makes people like me highly skeptical of The Mankind Project.

Now, let me be clear here, I know many excellent men who are involved with The Mankind Project, and I am sure that the whole organization is not as effed up as this case sounds - but it has made it onto Rick Ross's cult-watch list.

It's unclear in this case to what extent the MKP was involved in this particular incident, and how much of it is simply some seriously whacked lawyers messing with their employees. Either way, it is more bad press for an organization that needs to seriously get its act together and get the woo out of their approach to men's work.

In the interest of fairness, at the bottom I am posting a video featuring one of the men I met at the Evolving Men's Conference last month in Boulder. Boysen Hodgson is, in my limited experience, a man of integrity and strength - and he is a leader in the New England region for the MKP.

I don't care if you're my boss, I refuse to attend your naked lawyer vision quest dildo party

Xeni Jardin at 6:01 PM Monday, Oct 11, 2010

Attorney Steven Eggleston is suing his employer, saying the top partner at the law firm pressured him to participate in a weekend all-male retreat that amounted to a New Age self-discovery/male bonding sausage-fest—or a naked lawyer dildo party, depending on your point of view. Participants were sworn to secrecy, says Eggleston, and that was what he saw as the first sign something hinky was afoot at the "The New Warrior Training Adventure." Snip from AOL News:

Men would be holding hands and walking naked, blindfolded, through a forest. Then they would sit nude in groups of 30 to 50, passing around a wooden dildo and giving lurid details of their sexual history. Eggleston said he found out that the men will grab each other's penises if they wish.

Eggleston didn't like what he read and refused the invitation. Now he's suing the firm and his bosses, saying he was badgered, yelled at and ultimately had his pay slashed to zero for not attending the retreat, held at a Santa Barbara, Calif., mountain campground and sponsored by the ManKind Project, according to a lawsuit filed in Orange County Superior Court.

The AOL News article goes on to detail the response from ManKind Project (Wikipedia), the organizers of the "bonding retreats. Their website describes the events as "a modern male initiation and self-examination. We believe that this is crucial to the development of a healthy and mature male self, no matter how old a man is. " And, "You will see men mentor other men, support each other, play together and form a safe, authentic container where men are free to be exactly who they are, without defenses or masks. During your training you will stand shoulder to shoulder with an immensely rich mix of masculinity, with occupations and ages as wide as masculinity itself."

Eggleston said in the complaint that he was contacted several times by ManKind Project officials who tried to convince him to attend the event. Part of his research revealed that attendees are told to carpool so they would not be able to leave the event once they got there. [Organizer Marshall] Krupp said the men were told to carpool in groups for their "safety." He also confirmed the nude walks and sit-downs with the dildo.

My take: Hey, look, I've been around the block. While nekkid lawyer dingdong-grapplin' ain't my cup of tea, I have participated in other gatherings that would make "The New Warrior Training Adventure" sound very tame indeed. Vision quest or grope fest, who cares what this thing is as long as they're consenting adults, right?

But if it's true that some element of coercion was involved on the part of Eggleston's employer, that would be A Very Bad Thing.

Years ago at a job-job (before I became a freelance journalist, and before my Boing Boing days), I objected just as strongly to being coerced into doing Meyers-Briggs testing by one employer, and to what I learned later was the testing procedure associated with a particular cult, by another.

Common sense says that being pressured into participating in any kind of alternative therapy, spiritual seeking, religion, cult, or new-agey-self-help stuff by your boss is at the very least, totally not cool. And sometimes it's against the law. The "woo" factor isn't the problem I have with it, the coercion by your freakin' boss is.

Here is the original article from AOL News, which gives the broader picture and the MKP response to the allegations. There is also a link to the lawsuit filed by Eggleston at the bottom of the article.

What Do You Say to a Naked Lawyer? Here's a Suit

IRVINE, Calif. (Oct. 10) -- Attorney Steven Eggleston was suspicious when his boss pressed him to attend a weekend male retreat, but refused to tell him what would be happening there, saying participants were sworn to secrecy.

So he did a Google search and found out why.

Men would be holding hands and walking naked, blindfolded, through a forest. Then they would sit nude in groups of 30 to 50, passing around a wooden dildo and giving lurid details of their sexual history. Eggleston said he found out that the men will grab each other's penises if they wish.

Eggleston didn't like what he read and refused the invitation. Now he's suing the firm and his bosses, saying he was badgered, yelled at and ultimately had his pay slashed to zero for not attending the retreat, held at a Santa Barbara, Calif., mountain campground and sponsored by the ManKind Project, according to a lawsuit filed in Orange County Superior Court.

The suit has sparked quite a bit of conversation in Southern California.

"This whole thing is very sick!" exclaimed Los Angeles radio talk show host John Kobylt of KFI640.

Kobylt interviewed one of the organizers of "The New Warrior Training Adventure" this week.

"What's the point of this?" Kobylt asked organizer Marshall Krupp. "I'm a lawyer and I'm trying to settle cases. Why do I have to talk about my sex life, my abuses? Why do I have to sit naked, pass around a wooden dildo? What does that have to do with anything?"

Krupp said the men shouldn't be grabbing one another and are told that sexual activity isn't allowed.

"The weekend is about giving men an opportunity to look at what's not working and working in their lives, to become better men of the world, better men with their families and their children," Krupp said.

"Well, how can you become a better man," Kobylt asked, "sitting naked on a tree stump?"

That's apparently what Eggleston wanted to know.

"I talked to other attorneys who went on the retreat, so it's the real thing," Eggleston, now with a new firm, told AOL News. "After everything I read about this, I didn't want to go."

Approached by Supervisor

Eggleston said he was approached by his supervisor, attorney John Bisnar, shortly after he started his job in July 2009. Bisnar asked if Eggleston would go to an upcoming retreat, saying, "I can't tell you that you have to go as a requirement of your employment, but Steve, you really need to go to this," according to the complaint.

During Eggleston's Google search, he found out that the family of a Texas man sued ManKind Project after the man committed suicide following a similar retreat, the complaint said. The case settled out of court.

"That is what scared me," Eggleston told AOL News.

Eggleston said he was under the impression that Bisnar would be attending the event, and he didn't want to sit naked discussing his sex life with his boss or have any inappropriate touching

"It's a salacious lawsuit, it's bogus. It really is," said Brian Chase, a partner in Eggleston's old law firm, Bisnar Chase, and a defendant in the lawsuit. "I've never gone to this event, I haven't been retaliated against, and now I own half the law firm."

Chase said the retreat is one of many options, such as Tony Robbins seminars or Deepak Chopra books, offered to employees for their personal and professional development.

He said he didn't know any of the details surrounding nudity because he hasn't gone to the event.

"A Modern Male Initiation"

ManKind Project's website says the adventures are "a modern male initiation and self-examination. We believe that this is crucial to the development of a healthy and mature male self, no matter how old a man is. "

It also says, "You will see men mentor other men, support each other, play together and form a safe, authentic container where men are free to be exactly who they are, without defenses or masks.

"During your training you will stand shoulder to shoulder with an immensely rich mix of masculinity, with occupations and ages as wide as masculinity itself."

Eggleston said in the complaint that he was contacted several times by ManKind Project officials who tried to convince him to attend the event. Part of his research revealed that attendees are told to carpool so they would not be able to leave the event once they got there.

Krupp said the men were told to carpool in groups for their "safety." He also confirmed the nude walks and sit-downs with the dildo.

"There is what we call a talking stick," Krupp told KFI640. "It is a representation of a man's penis, and it actually gives a man permission to speak should he want to speak. He can choose to pass it on to the next man and not speak."

The complaint also says that "one Internet report stated that a supervisor told attendees that they could place their hand on the penis of the man next to them," the complaint said

"This sounds creepy," Kobylt said on KFI640.

The men are not required to disrobe and are not forced to stay at the event if they want to leave, according to Krupp.

Lawyer Says His Pay Was Cut

After he refused to attend the first retreat, Eggleston said, his pay was cut. Months later, he refused to attend a second retreat, and his pay was slashed to zero. He quit after eight months, leaving behind cases that should have resulted in commissions, the complaint said.

Instead, commissions have been withheld, essentially giving him zero net pay for his entire tenure, said his lawyer, Kathleen Hartman. The lawsuit, filed Aug. 31, alleges 13 causes of action, including sexual harassment, retaliation, fraudulent concealment and infliction of emotional distress.

Defendant Chase told AOL News that Eggleston was not a regular employee per se, but rather given a loan that had to be repaid after six months.

"Because this group has a nudity angle, he filed a lawsuit to extort money out of me," said Chase, who handles personal-injury cases. "At the end of a six-month period, he owed me $50,000. So what did he do? He quit."

As for Kobylt, it's a safe bet he won't be taking Krupp up on his offer to attend the next seminar, on Nov. 5.

"I know if I was in Steven Eggleston's shoes and I know if I read about this cockamamie naked camp up in Santa Barbara, I'm not going," Kobylt yelled. "I don't want to see naked guys, I don't want to see naked guys looking at naked me, I don't want to share my sexual experiences, I don't want to hold the naked dildo!"

See Eggleston's lawsuit.

Here is Boysen Hodgson and Bob Meissner - they talk about the Mankind Project's retreat, rite-of-passage and support programs for men, and some of the controversy around these efforts. They were guests on the Men's Room, a show for men.

Tags: Steven Eggleston, lawsuit, Mankind Project, New Warrior Training Adventure, MKP, nudity, phallus, dildo, talking stick, Marshall Krupp, AOL News, Boing Boing, men's groups, men's work, New Age, woo, John Bisnar, Brian Chase, modern male initiation, self-examination, sexual harassment, retaliation, fraudulent concealment, infliction of emotional distress, Boysen Hodgson

Coach Michael Taylor Talks with Jayson Gaddis about the Evolving Men's Conference

Nice discussion - Michael Taylor's A New Conversation with Men is a great podcast - hope he is back to regular posting.

Evolving Men's Conference w/Jayson Gaddis

Date / Length:
10/4/2010 6:00 PM - 1 hr

Join Coach Michael Taylor as he interviews Jayson Gaddis who is the founder and visionary behind The Evolving Men's Conference. In this interview they will be discussing the importance of creating a new paradigm of masculinity in addition to the future of "mens work."

Listen to internet radio with Coach Michael Taylor on Blog Talk Radio

Tags: Coach Michael Taylor, interview, Jayson Gaddis, Evolving Men's Conference, A New Conversation with Men, men, masculinity, men's groups, culture, personal growth

The Evolving Men’s Conference - Boulder, CO

I made it to Boulder - taking a little breather from travel before meeting up with a non-EMC friend for tea and maybe some food.

The discussion that maybe should have happened before the conference about expectations and other issues has been happening today by email. Very interesting - some men have different ideas about this weekend than do others - and I don't know how closely anyone's vision is with what Jayson and the planning team had in mind.

One of the big issues is women attending any or all of the weekend - some men are seriously opposed to this. They want a space to be men without any sense of "restraint," which is my word, not theirs.

I am not opposed to having women present, but then I have never done the male only thing except for my therapy group, and that's a much different environment.

This was my comment to the exchange:

When Jayson pitched this weekend to me, it was about setting a course for the future of an evolving men's agenda, bringing together diverse voices in the community to examine issues, needs, values, and where we want to go as a community of men.

One of the areas I work in is academic - transforming hegemonic masculinity from a static ism into fluid masculinities, plural - there are all kinds of men, and all kinds of ways to be masculine. With that truth, there are going to be many perspectives on our work and what we want from the weekend.

I am glad to have some women involved - without the feminine we cease to be masculine. Masculinity is a relational construct, we exist as human beings in relationships. BUT, I understand that some men are not as comfortable with that for a lot of very valid reasons.

My hope is that we can listen to each other with compassion - and I have heard some less than compassionate voices in this exchange. We can be better.

I look forward to how this exchange will develop and shape the discussion this weekend, since it feels to me to be foundational to our work.

On the flight here - I read an article about relational masculinity - and one of the big issues for many men appears to be "relational dread" - feeling on the spot, not able to adequately communicate, fears of failure or shame - all of which revolve around talking about feelings in the presence of women. The author of this particular article, "Men's Psychological Development: A Relational Perspective," Stephen J. Bergman, outlined 10 qualities of relational dread:

1. Inevitability - nothing good will come of this
2. Timelessness - this will last forever
3. Damage - this is going to be BAD
4. Closeness - the more I love her, the greater my dread
5. Precariousness - even if it goes well, it will get bad again
6. Process - I have no idea how to navigate this
7. Guilt - I have effed this up before, I will again, and I feel guilty about that
8. Denial and fear of aggression - I am afraid that if pushed too much I might snap and become violent
9. Incompetence and shame - I do NOT feel competent doing this - she is better at this than I am
10. Paralysis - when each or any of the previous 9 items comes up, my dread doubles

I'm not saying this is what is going on for the men who do not want women at this weekend, but this seemed relevant to me as I read the essay.

Men are relational - and I am sure it helps to get comfortable being with and talking to other men to make us more comfortable with this element of ourselves that we were never taught by our mothers or fathers - it's no wonder we have such a challenge talking about our feelings.

Tags: men, men's groups, #EMC2010, emotions, relationships, women, Evolving Men's Conference, relational dread, Men's Psychological Development, A Relational Perspective, Stephen J. Bergman

Jayson Gaddis - Men’s Work in 2010, Is it Relevant?

Nice post from Jayson. Here's a bit of what he has to say, and then I have some thoughts of my own. I have a slightly different version of "men's work," but fully compatible.

Men’s Work in 2010, Is it Relevant?

Thu, Jun 17, 2010

Art by Bryce Widom

When I tell people I “do men’s work” I often get some seriously funny looks. From my understanding, the term “men’s work” originally came into use in the late 70’s and early 80’s as men began to react and respond to the feminist movement. Reactions to feminism sprouted different aspects of men’s work. Largely, men’s work is associated with the mythopoetic men’s movement of the 80’s.

Unfortunately, over time, men doing men’s work got labeled wimpy, new age guys. The stereotype painted a picture of men beating on drums, reading poetry, getting naked, and crying. To this day, some men think this is what I do and while I do participate in drum circles, I do get naked, and I do cry, there is much more to the story.

From my own judgment, “new age,” “spiritual,” “green meme” or whatever you want to call men who are open to personal development work, are labled wimpy and spineless not only because those casting judgment have internalized homophobia and are disconnected from their own feminine and masculine essence, but because sometimes we “holistic guys” do have attributes that lack action, follow through, and practical business skills.

Here is my own definition of men’s work since I couldn’t find one when I Googled it.

Men’s work in 2010 is a term used by men to describe “inner psychological work” used to work through and overcome blocks to what men claim they want. Men’s work also challenges and empowers men to be their best. Men’s work is most commonly done in the community of other men in men’s circles and groups and men-only weekend workshops. Men’s work is noteworthy for teaching men to lean on other men, instead of always leaning on women. Men’s work is NOT in reaction to feminism. It is merely one vehicle to help men live the life they claim they want.

Whatever the case, men’s work hasn’t been that cool, nor has it had broad appeal among many men today. Because of this and other reasons, I am calling on men’s leaders to gather in September at the Evolving Men’s Conference Build the Foundation Weekend to vision, collaborate, and brainstorm the way forward.

Continue reading to see where he is going with this post.

So related to all of this, I had a nice conversation last night with a casual friend who is also working toward a master's degree in counseling and eventual licensing. What I didn't know was that he also has a strong interest in "men's work," although like me, he is not fond of any of the existing models (Makind Project, mythopoetic movement, and so on).

As a gay man who came to that awareness later in life, after a failed marriage and recovery from substance abuse, he has to had to work through what it means to be a man in this culture, what it meant that he was identified in his family of origin as the emotionally unstable one (because he dared to have and name emotions), and what it means to be male in his spiritual development toward a nondual awareness.

He has a very well-developed anima, a term he prefers rather than "inner feminine" or something of that nature:

The anima is an archetype of the collective unconscious and not an aggregate of a man's mother, sisters, aunts, and teachers though these aspects of the personal unconscious can 'influence for good or ill' the person.

Because sensitivity is often repressed, the anima is one of the most significant autonomous complexes of all. It manifests itself by appearing as figures in dreams as well as by influencing a man's interactions with women and his attitudes toward them, and vice versa for females and the animus. Jung said that confronting one's shadow self is an "apprentice-piece," while confronting one's fears is the masterpiece. Jung viewed the anima process as being one of the sources of creative ability.

All men have this anima archetype operating within them, but part of our traditional masculinity ideal in America is that men should no evidence of anything feminine, which includes emotions, interpersonal needs, and being open and vulnerable. So we have exiled this part of ourselves - and rather than embody our anima, we seek it in women, we seek our projections to complete ourselves. We want our partner (if we are straight men) to be the idealized feminine we are missing in ourselves - and so we ask them to be more than themselves, and fail to love them and appreciate them for who they are.

The ways that we force boys into adhering to the traditional definitions of being a boy/man is to shame him for any steps outside of that limited/limiting definition - by calling him a girl, pussy, wuss, faggot, queer, and so on - all things I was called at some point growing up. And those taunts kept me within the limited definition of being a boy/man until I was old enough and wise to not care as much what people thought of me - so I have earrings, I had long hair, I wore eye-liner, and I also worked to access my anima, the inner expression as well as the outer expression. The older I got, the less I needed to rebel through appearance and the more comfortable I became with simply being me.

Men's work, to me, is about finding ways to help men become more whole, to re-access those parts of themselves that got exiled through the acculturation of an "acceptable" masculinity. It's about giving them the freedom that has always already been their right to be whoever they are, free from cultural limitations.

And more importantly, it's about finding ways to allow boys to development their own unique ways of being men, without any limitations on that process by forcing them into pre-existing gender roles. This means we have to learn to be accepting fathers, mentors, coaches - we need to give the boys we know the courage and the support to be themselves, whoever that may be as they mature. We need to give them permission to have and express their feelings, to know that they are okay exactly as they are, no matter what others might think.

As we talked last night, I became aware of my own sense that I do not have as many men in my life as I would like who are also doing this work, who I can talk with about the struggles and joys of simply being a man - and I am grateful that I have found a new ally in this process.

He and I both feel most accepted among our female friends and we both would like to know more men who are growing and searching - so that is the new goal, to find some more men and form a circle of exploration and support.

I will be attending Jayson's Evolving Men’s Conference Build the Foundation Weekend in September - I look forward to meeting men who are also seeking a "new" form of men's work, a 21st century of who we are and who we can become.

Tags: men, masculinity, men's groups, personal growth, culture, Jayson Gaddis, Men’s Work in 2010, Is it Relevant?, Evolving Men’s Conference, Build the Foundation Weekend, gender roles, traditional masculinity, shame, anima