Coming in February 2013 Do you genuinely want to make the world a better place? Do you want to experience greater wellbeing, and to increase the wellbeing of others? Well, here’s your chance. Masculinity, as shaped by both men and women, has a profound impact upon the world in which we live. Yet few people stop to question the forms of masculinity that have been passed to them, let alone construct a more conscious alternative. Future Masculinity is a course delivered by Dr Joseph Gelfer via live web-based teleconferencing. Future Masculinity will help both men and women understand how masculinity functions in contemporary society, and how it can be re-imagined for a sustainable future.
Lifehack posted a simple self-test to assess our resilience.The topic of resilience has become very relevant in recent years as a result of the constant stress so many of us deal with in our lives. Wikipedia offers a nice description of psychological resilience - and it's important to understand that psychological resilience supports physical resilience and likewise, physical health and resilience supports psychological resilience.
Resilience in psychology refers to the idea of an individual's tendency to cope with stress and adversity. This coping may result in the individual "bouncing back" to a previous state of normal functioning, or using the experience of exposure to adversity to produce a "steeling effect" and function better than expected (much like an inoculation gives one the capacity to cope well with future exposure to disease).[1] Resilience is most commonly understood as a process, and not a trait of an individual.
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[R]esilience is best understood as a process. It is often mistakenly assumed to be a trait of the individual, an idea more typically referred to as "resiliency".[12] Most research now shows that resilience is the result of individuals being able to interact with their environments and the processes that either promote well-being or protect them against the overwhelming influence of risk factors.[13] These processes can be individual coping strategies, or may be helped along by good families, schools, communities, and social policies that make resilience more likely to occur.[14] In this sense "resilience" occurs when there are cumulative "protective factors". These factors are likely to play a more and more important role the greater the individual’s exposure to cumulative "risk factors". The phrase "risk and resilience"' in this area of study is quite common.
Commonly used terms, which are closely related within psychology, are "psychological resilience", "emotional resilience", "hardiness", "resourcefulness", and "mental toughness". The earlier focus on individual capacity which Anthony[15] described as the "invulnerable child" has evolved into a more multilevel ecological perspective that builds on theory developed by Uri Bronfenbrenner (1979), and more recently discussed in the work of Michael Ungar (2004, 2008), Ann Masten (2001), and Michael Rutter (1987, 2008). The focus in research has shifted from "protective factors" toward protective "processes"; trying to understand how different factors are involved in both promoting well-being and protecting against risk.
July 8 by Bobbi Emel
When faced with a crisis, some of us bounce back just like a fully
inflated ball while others of us hit the ground with a thud and stay
there, totally deflated.
How good are you at bouncing back? Just how resilient are you?
Take this test* to get your answer!
To get a good idea of how resilient you are, be as honest as possible when taking the test!
For each item, fill in the blank at the end of the item using the following scale:
1. When confronted with a crisis, I usually start
working on a solution right away rather than first just hoping it will
go away. _____
2. I don’t worry too much about the future. _____
3. I am not embarrassed to tell my friends and family when something bad has happened to me. _____
4. Every time a crisis occurs, I can easily remember that I’ve made it through bad things before. _____
5. When something bad happens in my life, I don’t spend a lot of time
wishing I had done something differently or thinking constantly about
the bad thing. ____
6. I often think about what I’ve learned from a crisis after it’s passed. _____
7. When I get stuck in traffic and am going to be late for an
appointment, I am very calm rather than frustrated and stressed. _____
8. I write a gratitude list at least once a week about the things I’m grateful for. _____
9. When something bad happens, I prefer to be around others rather than withdrawing and being by myself. _____
10. I’m not very hard on myself most of the time. _____
11. I think it’s okay to occasionally smile and laugh when something really bad has happened. _____
12. I have a go-to person – like a mentor – when a crisis occurs in my life. _____
13. I don’t tend to get stuck in the past. _____
14. It’s easy for me to believe that a crisis or catastrophe in my life can be a good thing. _____
15. When a crisis happens, I come up with a lot of different solutions rather than just freezing. _____
Now total up your score!
Scoring:
60-75 You’re a superball! You have very good resiliency skills and habits and you can bounce back from just about anything. 45-59 You are bouncing right along . . . most of the time. You have good resiliency skills, although sometimes it’s hard to engage them right away when faced with a crisis. 30-44 Meh. Your ball has gone a little flat.
You need to pump more air into that ball. Crises tend to throw you a
bit. Add some flexibility to your life and be open to handling problems
differently in the future. 15-29 Uh-oh. Your ball is completely flat. Looks
like you need to really work on your resiliency skills. Check out the
section below for more ideas. And don’t worry: learning to bounce back
in life is like learning anything else – you just need to practice. Be
open to responding to setbacks in a different way than you have in the
past.
Detailed breakout:
Here are the components of resiliency that made up your scores. If
you were low in one particular area, try to increase that particular
skill.
Acceptance: the art of non-resistance
Items 1, 5, 7, 11
If you scored yourself a 1, 2, or even a 3 on these items, realize that denial
is a common response to adversity and is actually a protective
mechanism. Just don’t stay in it too long or you won’t bounce back at
all! Teach yourself to see the reality of your situation and act on
that.
Also consider how much energy you are expending when you fight or
resist your problem. You can give in without giving up. The difference
is that giving in allows you to keep trying to solve the problem without
using up precious energy resisting the fact that the problem is here.
It’s here in front of you. Don’t resist it – accept its presence and
work on it!
Remember that it’s okay to experience positive emotions and
laugh even when in the midst of a crisis. This kind of emotional
experience will help release oxytocin and endorphins that you need to help you through the storm.
Perspective: see things clearly and from different angles
Items 4, 15
The key to this component is to remember that you have had difficult
times before and made it through. Remember your past experience!
Also, keep in mind that there are many angles to a problem and
therefore many solutions. Break out of your old mold and try something
new! A great way to prep yourself for future difficulties is to develop
your creativity. Try Roger von Oech’s A Whack on the Side of the Head for some fun, mind-expanding activities and ideas.
Social Support: ya gotta have friends
Items 3, 9, and 12
There is a lot of research showing that social support is a main
component of resiliency. Even if you’re an introvert, having just one
person you trust to talk with about your situation can be extremely
helpful.
It’s also really good to have a more experienced, wiser person or
mentor you can turn to when trouble hits. This can be a parent, friend,
or anyone you look up to and respect.
Positive Actions: creating positive emotions during times of crisis
Items 2, 8, 10, 13
As mentioned above, it’s important to experience positive emotions in
your life, even in times of crisis. Researcher Barbara Fredrickson’s
work shows that positive emotions not only help you feel good, but they
expand your ability to problem-solve well.
Rather than worrying about the past or future, try to stay in the
present as much as possible. Listen to some mindfulness meditations to
help you remain centered in the current moment.
Be kind to yourself! Even if you got yourself into a mess, remember
that everyone else has at some time in their lives, too. Treat yourself
as you would your best friend who is having problems.
Finding the gifts/Learning the lessons
Items 6, 14
Adversity frequently brings opportunities for self-growth and new
experiences. Even though you would rather not have problems, remember
the old saying: The sand that irritates the oyster often becomes a pearl.
Kristin Neff is one of my favorite people - she has helped bring the idea of self-compassion, rather than self-esteem, into the forefront of research and praxis. Dr. Neff is an Associate Professor in Human Development and Culture at the University of Texas at Austin - she has been featured at TED and has spoken at a variety of other conferences and venues - there are several video clips at her site (linked at her name above).
Through her work, I have changed my approach to doing therapy, and I have spread ideas to my co-workers as well. Her website has some cool self-compassion meditations, free assessment tools for counselors and researchers, exercises to increase self-compassion, and lots of other very useful material - all open access. Many of the materials offered are co-created with Dr. Christopher K. Germer, author of The Mindful Path to Self-Compassion: Freeing Yourself from Destructive Thoughts and Emotions (another book I HIGHLY recommend).
For those of you who have seen the film, she is the mother who took her family to Mongolia in search of a shaman to work with her autistic son - the film about her journey is called The Horse Boy. This is a very touching film - and since I love Mongolia (the people and the landscape are beautiful) that part was an extra bonus.
The relentless pursuit of high self-esteem has become a virtual religion—and a tyrannical one at that. Our ultra-competitive culture tells us we need to be constantly above average to feel good about ourselves, but there is always someone more attractive, successful, or intelligent than we are. And even when we do manage to grab hold of high self-esteem for a brief moment, we can't seem to keep it. Our sense of self-worth goes up and down like a ping-pong ball, rising and falling in lockstep with our latest success or failure.
Fortunately, there is an alternative to self-esteem that many experts believe is a better and more effective path to happiness: self-compassion. The research of Dr. Kristin Neff and other leading psychologists indicates that people who are compassionate toward their failings and imperfections experience greater well-being than those who repeatedly judge themselves. The feelings of security and self-worth provided by self-compassion are also highly stable, kicking in precisely when self-esteem falls down. This book powerfully demonstrates why it's so important to be self-compassionate and give yourself the same caring support you'd give to a good friend.
This groundbreaking work will show you how to let go of debilitating self-criticism and finally learn to be kind to yourself. Using solid empirical research, personal stories, practical exercises, and humor, Dr. Neff—the world's foremost expert on self-compassion—explains how to heal destructive emotional patterns so that you can be healthier, happier, and more effective. Engaging, highly readable, and eminently accessible, this book has the power to change your life.
I think this topic is especially relevant for men. We are raised to be competitive, to be self-critical and aim for perfection, and to be intolerant of anything less than greatness. No wonder so many men secretly feel like failures or frauds.
From leading psychologist Dr. Kristin Neff comes a step-by-step guide explaining how to be more self-compassionate and achieve your dreams in life.
Dr. Kristin Neff (and other leading psychologists) indicates that people who are compassionate toward their failings and imperfections experience greater well-being than those who repeatedly judge themselves. The feelings of security and self-worth provided by self-compassion are also highly stable, kicking in precisely when self-esteem falls down. This book powerfully demonstrates why it's so important to be self-compassionate and give yourself the same caring support you'd give to a good friend. This groundbreaking work will show you how to let go of debilitating self-criticism and finally learn to be kind to yourself.
