Marty Klein, PhD - Making "Men" & "Women" One-Dimensional

This is a cool article about the stupid "Why are men . . . ?" articles you see in every women's magazine (and the reverse is true of women in men's magazines) which do little more than perpetuate stereotypes. These articles say the same things every time, and every time they reduce the sex under discussion to annoying cliches.

Hell, I'm guilty too - I just posted one of those articles here, sort of - but at least the men were speaking for themselves, not ALL MEN.

Dr. Klein blogs at Psychology Today at the Sexual Intelligence blog: "Sex--and culture, politics, psychology--and sex."

Making "Men" & "Women" One-Dimensional

Another women's magazine article stereotypes the genders--hurting both

by Marty Klein, PhD

Published on August 21, 2010

Every week or two some magazine wants to interview me about sex. Twenty years ago, when I was young(er) and hungry, I usually said yes. Now I usually say no.

Today I said yes to a well-known national magazine. You see it in every supermarket and airport, with a good-looking busty model on the cover. Let's call the publication "Urban Woman." (UW)

The article they called me about is "75 things about men--in 1 sentence each." The staff writer, a respectful, pleasant woman about 26, hoped I would answer about a dozen questions. By the end of the interview, we were glad to be rid of each other. The questions included:

• Why do men always ignore you after they finish?
• What are men most insecure about?
• How do you know if men like a new thing you do in bed?
• Why are men so rude when looking at your boobs?
• Of course, men always think about other women when they're in bed with you. Who are they most likely to think about?

The problems with questions like these, this article, and practically EVERY article in magazines about dating, romance, love, and sex, sex, sex, are soooooo familiar:

• They stereotype men and women: men are like this, women are like that
• They ignore the reality that "men" and "women" are heterogeneous categories: they claim that ALL men are like this, and ALL women are like that
• They perpetuate inaccurate information: men do and think and feel this, women do and think and feel that.

It's ironic that this publication boasts that it's the most sex-positive magazine on the market; its founder was legendary in her insistence that women claim their sexuality. Indeed, each month's cover displays another woman with huge, barely-covered breasts, featuring articles like "How to climax every time" and "How to drive him wild even when he's tired." But for all their pseudo-frank talk about sex, these articles always end up problematizing it.

UW loves the traditional battle of the sexes, maintaining women's anxiety about losing or winning it. And because "communication" is SO not-sexy, the editors overlook it for things like lingerie, positions, talking "dirty," and sexy vacations. A self-help article that says "let's face it-talking during sex ruins the mood" can't possibly be of much help.

UW's young female staff in New York does most of the "writing"--which means taking the story ideas they're assigned and calling experts to provide quotes proving the story's primary thesis. They take the title, thesis, and expert quotes, add a few conjunctions, and crank out yet another article written by a kid with very little understanding of sex or relationships (much less writing).

This perfectly nice staff writer didn't like a lot of my answers, because they challenged the foundation of her questions. No, most men DON'T think about other women when they're with you. No, most men DON'T freak out when a woman initiates sex. No, most men DON'T hate "foreplay."

But I was sincere when I answered, kept my answers brief as she'd requested, and brought to bear the glorious edifice of my 30,000 hours as a psychologist and sex therapist.

Ironically, it was my best answer that she appreciated the least. When she asked "What do men think when they see a new woman naked for the first time?" I told the truth: "Wow!" She thought I was either putting her on or was simply misinformed.

I dunno--do you really have to be a guy to understand that amazing experience?

Tags: Making "Men" & "Women" One-Dimensional, women's magazine, articles, stereotypes, genders, Marty Klein, Psychology Today, Sexual Intelligence, psychology, gender roles, men, media

Social Construction of Masculinities in College-Aged Men

This is an interesting recent article on the ways in which college-age men conceptualize masculinities. I am largely sympathetic to his social constructionist approach to masculine identity. This is highly relevant to my own in developing a masculine identity developmental model.

Reference:
Harris, III, F. (2010, M/J). College men's meanings of masculinities and contextual influences: Toward a conceptual model. Journal of College Student Development; 51, 3; ProQuest Psychology Journals, p. 297-318.

The whole article can be read for free here.

College men's meanings of masculinities and contextual influences: Toward a conceptual model

By Frank Harris, III

Based on a grounded theory study involving 68 male undergraduates, a conceptual model of the meanings college men ascribe to masculinities is proposed in this article. The participants equated masculinities with "being respected," "being confident and self-assured," "assuming responsibility," and "embodying physical prowess." Contextual factors that influenced these meanings are also reflected in the model. Using the model as a guiding framework, recommendations for supporting the gender identity development of college men and implications for future studies of masculinities in college contexts are offered.

Recent behavioral trends involving male students on college campuses have led to increased scholarly attention to masculinities in higher education. For example, recent inquiries have concluded that college men comprise the majority of students who are cited for nonacademic violations of campus judicial policies (Harper, Harris, & Mmeje, 2005) and more than 90 percent of students who are accused of sexual assault, relationship violence, and sexual harassment on college campuses (Foubert, Newberry, & Tatum, 2007; Hong, 2000). Others report academic underachievement (Kellom, 2004; Sax, 2008), disengagement in campus programs and activities (Davis & Laker, 2004), alcohol and substance abuse (Capraro, 2000; Courtenay, 1998; Kuh & Arnold, 1993), homophobia (Harris, 2008; Rhoads, 1995), depression (Good & Mintz, 1990), and poor coping (Good & Wood, 1995) among college men. Similarly, Sax's longitudinal quantitative study revealed that, in comparison to women, men reportedly spent more time watching television, playing video games, consuming alcohol, and partying while in college.

The widening gender gap in college student enrollment has also been an area of focus in much of the recent scholarly discourse concerning college men. In 2003-2004, men comprised 42 percent of the total undergraduate enrollment in the United States (King, 2006). The college enrollment gap widens when these data are disaggregated by race/ethnicity where the largest percentage gaps are among African American, Native American, and Hispanic students where men accounted for 36 percent, 39 percent, and 41 percent of 2004 undergraduate enrollees, respectively (KewalRamani, Gilbertson, Fox, & Provasnik, 2007).

Despite this recent scholarly attention, college educators still know little about the gender identity development process for college men. Consequently, educators who aim to implement theoretically based interventions to facilitate college men's healthy and productive gender identity development must rely on frameworks that were not created for this purpose. Theories and frameworks have been proposed to explain the identity development of women (Josselson, 1987); persons who are lesbian, gay, and bisexual (D'Augelli, 1994); African Americans (Cross, 1995; Taylor & Howard-Hamilton, 1995); Asian Americans (Kim, 2001); Latinos (Torres, 2003), multiracial persons (Renn, 2003); and students with learning disabilities (Troiano, 2003); to name a few. Yet, models that seek to explain college men's gender identity development are largely absent in the published college student development research. Even recent studies that aim to understand men as gendered beings (e.g., Davis, 2002; Harris, 2008; Hong, 2000; Martin & Harris, 2006) focus primarily on describing gender-related conflicts and challenges among college men rather than a process of masculine identity development in college. Classic theories of identity and psychosocial development (e.g., Chickering, 1969; Erikson 1968; Marcia, 1980) were based largely on the experiences of men (Evans, Forney & Guido-DiBrito, 1998). However, the construct of gender was not purposefully explored in the research used to develop and validate these theories (Davis; Davis & Laker, 2004; Evans et al.). Thus, the extent to which these theories, in and of themselves, provide insight into the gender identity development of college men is questionable.

Harper et al. (2005) was one of the first studies in which a model describing the interactions between masculinities and college environments was proposed. Yet, despite the model's utility in understanding the developmental experiences of men on college campuses, it is limited in two respects. First, it focuses exclusively on male judicial offenders. Therefore, the extent to which the model accounts for the experiences of college men who are not cited for violations of campus judicial policies is unknown. Second, the model was developed theoretically and has yet to be empirically validated.

Edwards and Jones (2009) offered much-needed insight into the experiences of college men by proposing an empirically derived model of men's gender identity development. Based on multiple interviews with a diverse sample of 10 undergraduate men, Edwards and Jones used grounded theory to explore "the process by which the participants came to understand themselves as men" (p. 214) and proposed a three-phase model that described the participants' gender identity development. Edwards and Jones described masculine identity development as an interactive process involving men's awareness of society's expectations of performing masculinities, challenges men experience in meeting societal expectations, and men's efforts to transcend societal expectations by redefining what it means to be a man and performing masculinities according to their own beliefs and values. Given that Edwards and Jones's study was situated at one large public university on the East Coast one question that emerged was: How might these findings transfer to other institutional contexts, such as a large private university or a campus in another region of the country? In addition, Edwards and Jones called for more studies of masculinities involving a larger group of men "representing other social group identities and college experiences" (p. 226).

In response to the aforementioned knowledge gaps in the published research on college men and masculinities, I conducted a qualitative study to: (a) examine shared masculine conceptualizations among college men who represented a range of identities and experiences, (b) understand how contextual factors (e.g., socialization, campus culture, peer group interactions) shape and reinforce college men's gender identity development and gender performance, and (c) propose a conceptual model of the meanings college men make of masculinities. The primary research question that guided this study was, "What are the shared meanings of masculinities among men who represent diverse backgrounds, experiences, and identities?" Additional questions that informed this study were: (a) How do these meanings influence college men's genderrelated attitudes and behaviors? and (b) From the participants' perspectives, what are the dominant and negotiable boundaries of masculinities on a university campus?

The purpose of this article is to present the conceptual model that emerged from this study. Before presenting the findings and the conceptual model, I briefly discuss the study's theoretical underpinnings and research methodology. Please note that although this article focuses exclusively on the social construction of masculinities, I use the terms "male" and "man" interchangeably. Therefore, it's important to acknowledge that the term "male" applies specifically to a biological sex role whereas "man" is a socially constructed concept that encompasses the social and cultural meanings that are associated with the male sex role.

THEORETICAL UNDERPINNINGS

I approached this study from a constructionist epistemological perspective. Constructionist epistemology is fundamentally concerned with the meanings individuals derive from their lived experiences and social interactions (Arminio & Hultgren, 2002). Constructionist researchers also challenge the objectivist assumption that a "knowable, singular reality" exists independent of human experiences and can be captured empirically (Broido & Manning, 2002, p. 435). As such, a major theoretical assumption of constructionist epistemology is that empirical knowledge is produced in partnership between researchers and participants through their collective involvement in the inquiry process (Arminio & Hultgren).

Consistent with constructionist epistemology, an interdisciplinary conceptual framework comprising theories and perspectives regarding the social construction of masculinities and the identity development of college students informed the design and execution of this study. Key assumptions of the two theories that were most influential in guiding this study are discussed in the sections that follow.

The Social Construction of Masculinities

The social construction of masculinities - a perspective that was proposed by pro-feminist men's studies scholars (e.g., Connell, 1995; Kimmel & Messner, 2007; Levant, 1996; Pleck, 1981) - emphasizes the influence of social interactions, social structures, and social contexts in producing and reinforcing so-called normative expectations of masculine behavior. This perspective challenged the earlier research on men, which assumed that biological differences between men and women were explanatory factors for men's aggressiveness, toughness, competitiveness, and other stereotypically masculine behaviors.

Scholars who examine masculinities from a social constructionist perspective view gender as a performed social identity and are fundamentally concerned with the consequences of traditional patterns of male gender socialization and of performing masculinities according to prevailing societal norms. Another key assumption of this perspective is that no one dominant masculine form persists across all social settings but rather multiple masculinities that are situated in sociocultural contexts. In addition, although acknowledging that men occupy a privileged space in society, this perspective also recognizes that some masculinities (e.g., White, heterosexual, able-bodied) are prioritized and situated as dominant above others (e.g., gay, feminine, racial/ethnic minority, physically disabled, working class). Lastly, as Kimmel and Messner (2007) noted in their discussion, because gender is a performed social identity, one can assume that the ways in which individuals conceptualize and express masculinities will change as they "grow and mature" throughout their lives (p. xxii).

Multiple Dimensions of Identity

The social construction of masculinities perspective described in the previous section recognizes the existence of multiple masculinities among men. Issues of race/ethnicity, class, religion, and sexual orientation interact and influence the development of these multiple masculinities - some of which challenge dominant and traditional social constructions. A framework that has proven useful in making sense of the intersection of identities is Jones and McEwens (2000) multiple dimensions of identity (MDI) model. The main components of the MDI model are: (a) the core sense of self, (b) identity dimensions, and (c) contextual influences.

At the center of the model is the core sense of self, which is derived from an individual's personal attributes, characteristics, and personal identity. The core comprises a person's "inner identity" and internal qualities, such as intelligence, kindness, loyalty, compassion, and independence (Jones & McEwen, 2000). Surrounding the core are intersecting dimensions that contribute to an individual's overall identity. These include: sexual orientation, race/ethnicity, culture, gender, class, religion, and other socially constructed dimensions. The concept of "salience" is used in the model to describe the proximity of an identity dimension to the core. Identity dimensions that are positioned closest to the core are deemed to be more salient or important to the individual at a particular time. Jones and McEwen noted, "the salience of identity dimensions [is] rooted in internal awareness and external scrutiny" (p. 410). In other words, individuals are typically more internally aware of their marginalized identities, such as being a woman in a male-dominated setting or a racial/ethnic minority. Thus, these identity dimensions are usually more salient than are those that are often privileged in society. Contextual influences make up the third component of the MDI model. Because individuals interact in a larger social context, the model accounts for factors such as family background, significant life experiences, and the sociocultural conditions that influence identity development and expression.

In sum the social construction of masculinities perspective and the MDI model recognize the fluidity of gender identity, highlight the ways in which gender intersects other identity dimensions, and emphasize the influence of social contexts on identity development and gender performance. Collectively, these theories provided a heuristic conceptual framework for examining masculinities in college environments from a social constructionist perspective.

Read the rest.

Tags: Social Construction, Masculinity, College-Aged Men, men, masculinities, psychology, research, culture, Frank Harris III, College men, meanings, masculinities, contextual influences, Toward a conceptual model, Journal of College Student Development, gender identity, development

ReWiring the Soul - Patti Henry: Raising Boys to Become Emotionally Available Men

This week's guest on Rewiring the Soul with Dr. Gabriella Kortsch is Patti Henry, author of the book The Emotionally Unavailable Man: A Blueprint for Healing.

About the book (from Amazon) - some background for the discussion on the podcast:

The Emotionally Unavailable Man is two books in one — one side is for the emotionally unavailable man and the other is for his partner. It details why men become emotionally unavailable and specifies the actions that can be taken by both men and women to realize improvement. MEN, do you ever feel like a little boy in a grown-up body? Like you have no personal power? Flip to the men’s side of this book and let expert psychotherapist Patti Henry help you

• Get your "power"
• Stop avoiding difficult situations
• Calm your partner’s anger
• Learn how to say "No"
• Set and maintain appropriate boundaries
• Be more effective at work
• Increase and enhance the sex in your relationship
• Feel personal freedom and happiness

WOMEN, do you want your husband to be emotionally available to you? Flip to the women’s side of this book and let expert marriage counselor Patti Henry help you

• Determine if your partner is capable of being emotionally available
• Decide what you can — and cannot — do to help
• Discover how to lose your anger
• Exercise mutuality and safety
• Learn how to recognize and confront your own resistances
• Restore hope about long-term change
• Gain clarity about your future

About the Author Patti Henry, M.Ed., L.P.C., has been a psychotherapist in private practice since 1988. She began her career developing women’s programs in psychiatric hospitals, committed to empowering women. For the last ten years, however, her focus shifted when she observed how desperately men needed healing, as well. She lives in Houston with her husband and their two sons.

And here is the podcast:

Host: Dr.Gabriella Kortsch

Patti Henry: Raising Boys to Become Emotionally Available Men

Description: Patti Henry is the author of the acclaimed book "The Emotionally Unavailable Man: A Blueprint for Healing". It is an amazing book as it is written for both men and women and tackles the subject slightly differently for both. Today we will be discussing what can be done in order to raise boys who do NOT become emotionally unavailable.

Listen to internet radio with Dr.Gabriella Kortsch on Blog Talk Radio

Tags: Patti Henry, emotional unavailability, awareness, healing, Rewiring the Soul, Raising Boys to Become Emotionally Available Men, Gabriella Kortsch, boys, men, parenting, development, psychology, emotions

Jessica Radloff - What Guys Want You To Know (Part 1)

Jessica Radloff is a media personality, whatever in the hell that means. But for some reason, she set out to find out what men wish women knew. Nothing new there - many similar articles have been written (often by women, and seldom by men).

Random quote at the top of the article:

"My idea of a perfect date night is very simple: burger-movie-sex. FYI, this can be in any order."
-Mike U., Las Vegas

Awww . . . and women say men aren't romantic.

Anyway, in opposition of all common sense, I read her piece at Huffington Post - and . . . it's not stupid. Some of the comments ARE stupid, but I think these perspectives are a fair representation of the culture at large.

I'm going to skip the parts where she complains about hating to do research and then how great her sample of men is (they're all her friends), and just get to the quotes (some of these men are single, some in a relationship, some engaged, some married).

What Guys Want You To Know (Part 1)

Jessica Radloff, Media Personality/Entertainment Correspondent

Posted: August 20, 2010

Q: What do you wish all women knew about guys?

"Not all guys only care about sleeping with you. But all guys will sleep with you immediately if given the chance. Fact."
-Aaron K., 31, Los Angeles, Author & Comedian, single

"We are problem solvers. Do not tell us about a problem unless you want us to try and fix it."
-Bob M., 31, Chicago, Attorney, in-a-relationship

"If we appear to be too good to be true, we usually are. We are more sensitive than you. We harbor more feelings than you care to know."
-Buck W., 31, Detroit, Social Media Director/On Air CBS Radio, married

"What you call objectifying, we call admiring a superior physical form."
-Matthew H., 32, Seattle, Senior Magazine Editor--Seattle Metropolitan Magazine, married and father of one

"Believe it or not, there are actually 'good guys' out there and we do not finish last. Go for your 'bad boy' type and see how that ends up for you. You know how it is going to end up but you still jump into the deep end of the pool because you think you can change him. Nine times out of 10 you are going to be banging your head against the wall. Avoid the pain and heartache and go for a guy that will treat a woman the way she deserves to be treated."
-Michael M., 37, Los Angeles, Actor, married

"We are not as good as you (when it comes to) communicating and we do it differently than you. We know it can be frustrating, but you need to be patient with us and eventually we will open up and tell you what you want to know."
-Tony B., 40, St. Louis, Financial Services, engaged

"We really are always thinking about it. Always."
-Jason M., 29, St. Louis, Marketing, in-a-relationship

Q: What is your biggest pet peeve about women?

"I hate it when a woman won't make a decision but they can second guess without a problem. If you were not part of the choice, then you have no place in the appraisal of its success."
-Michael U., 33, Las Vegas, Casino Manager, married w/kids

"Lack of self-confidence. Women--if a guy is talking to you or dating you, he thinks you are beautiful. No more of this 'I feel fat' or 'I'm so fat, you just want to see the skinny girls at the gym' type of stuff. Also, communicate better. Guys are terrible guessers, so if you want something, tell us."
-Bob M.

"When she doesn't make the fake, reach-for-her-purse move at the end of a date. I'm going to wave her off and pay anyway, but I'd appreciate if she at least played along."
-Aaron K.

"That they're extremely catty to one another and constantly complain about minutia another girl did--which we don't care about."
-Jason M.

"They're too trusting. From my sisters to my wife, I find myself too many times begging for the women in my world to stop talking to strange characters or cohorting with bad co-workers."
-Buck W.

(Author's Note: Um, Buck, maybe you need to just move from where you live. Because if you're wife, sister, mom, etc. are having that many interactions with strange characters, something tells me to get them the hell out of Dodge!)

"Jumping to conclusions without all of the information. I understand women's intuition and some have it, but most don't and it's just guessing."
-Michael M.

"How cruel they can be to each other. I know guys can be bad, but sometimes I can't believe how vicious women can be towards each other."
-Tony B.

Q: What qualities do you admire most about your wife/girlfriend/fiancée?

"Where do I start? She takes care of me better than I take care of myself. She has a smile that will light up any room she walks into, and it all radiates from the person she is on the inside. And lastly, she loves me for who I am without judgment. We all have our past, we just need someone to accept it, and know that the present and the future is a journey that we take together, till death do us part."
-Michael M.

"She is caring, sincere, and a strong leader for the family. My wife is the true glue when things fall apart. Unconditional wasn't just a word she read, but the example she lives by."
-Buck W.

"Her ability to tolerate my 5th grade intellect."
-Matthew H.

"She is calm and does not look for drama in her life. She doesn't get hysterical or irrational if things don't go her way or if she has a setback. I like that she is competitive but it doesn't come out when we have disagreements. I also like how modest she is about her looks and intelligence."
-Tony B.

"I have the ultimate teammate when times get tough. Having someone that you know will love you when your career is troubled, or intrinsically hates somebody who treats you poorly is a great asset. It lets me know that no matter how bad life gets, I have my family."
-Michael U.

"Good sense of humor, well traveled, likes to eat (a rare quality these days), and drinks beer instead of fancy cocktails. She's simple, real, natural and comfortable with herself."
-Michael K., 33, New York City, Video Producer/Editor, Engaged

"Intelligence and common sense."
-Bob M.

Q: If a girl needs to have a serious talk with her boyfriend, what is the best way to bring things up that won't cause him to shut down?

"Do not start with 'we need to talk.' You may as well start with 'I'm about to tell you something that may make you uncomfortable, so begin shutting down!' I think the location is key. It can't be somewhere where there are distractions. We are too easily distracted!"
-Tony B.

(Author's Note: Exactly! Which is what Tony must have been when he was answering this question! Why? Well, he made a great point about not starting off a serious conversation by saying 'we need to talk,' but I was waiting to hear what you should say instead! How do you start it off? I'll ask Tony, but in the meantime, I'm curious to hear what other guys think, and also, if women who have been in similar positions can relate a successful way that they have accomplished a successful talk.)

"Most guys are black and white and we naturally want to fix things. Don't talk just to talk. Bring a problem and expect a solution. If we are assigned a task early in the conversation, we won't shut down. . . .we have to finish any task given to us."
-Michael U.

"Just say it without beating around the bush. We know when you're tip-toeing. We just choose to ignore it."
-Jason M.

(Author's Note: See, ladies, and you thought they often have no clue!)

"Directly before sex?"
-Buck W.

"Just be honest and come from a place that let shim know that no matter what, you will still love him but there are issues that need to be worked out. Let him know that you are there to help him and not break him down. Avoid putting him on the defensive by accusing or pointing fingers, and most of all--and this is VERY important--LISTEN to him. If he thinks you already have made up your mind and that anything else he says is falling on deaf ears, that is a sure way to get your man to shut down."
-Michael M.

"Just dive in. We can sniff out your little attempts at misdirection much more easily than you think. But wait until the game is over, OK?"
-Matthew H.

"Be direct and clear. And do not use analogies of other couples you may know, or couples from a movie. That is the worst."
-Bob M.

(Author's Note: What are the odd's that Bob's current or former girlfriend said 'But you DO complete me! Tom Cruise and Renee Zellweger said so!')

"There is no magic formula. Just go straight to it. Never postpone important talks just because the time doesn't seem right."
-Michael K.

Stay tuned for Part II next week! I get the guys to answer everything ranging from sex and how soon is too soon to sleep together (although you know what some of them will say!) to if those Facebook relationship status' are really that big of a deal.

Tags: men, women, relationships, culture, Huffington Post, Jessica Radloff, What Guys Want You To Know, communication

How Hard Is It to Change a Gender Stereotype?

The answer, as I am sure many of us know, is that it's very hard. We are struggling against the cumulative weight of the cultural center of gravity, and as Corinne Moss-Racusin shows here, there is also the backlash against those who step outside of the culturally sanctioned roles/stereotypes.

This article comes from the very cool site, Big Questions Online.

How Hard Is It to Change a Gender Stereotype?

Corinne Moss-Racusin answers.

Monday, August 9, 2010

Researchers who study gender stereotypes are often struck by how pernicious these stereotypes are, and how they operate in the context of both our private and professional lives. However, that doesn’t necessarily mean that stereotypes are impossible to change (though it does suggest that these stereotypes may be extremely powerful). For example, in our research, we found that when people violate gender stereotypes, they encounter backlash (or social and economic sanctions) for breaking the traditional “gender rules." So if a woman behaves ambitiously or a man displays modesty in a job interview, they will typically encounter backlash from observers.

However, men and women are equally likely to administer this backlash, meaning that women aren’t kind to other self-promoting women, and men don’t take it easy on another modest man. The fact that we are all exposed to the same set of gender rules (and thus are equally likely to police them) speaks to the fact that these rules have been firmly established in our society at large. As a result of this rigidity, gender stereotypes aren’t likely to vanish anytime soon. In fact, additional research on dynamic stereotypes (i.e., people’s projections of future gender stereotypes) suggests that both women and men believe that gender stereotypes won’t have changed much even 50 years from now.

However, this doesn’t mean that stereotypes are set in stone. For example, some researchers have found that intergroup biases can be changed by diversity education. In this case, researchers compared the racist attitudes of students taking a “prejudice and conflict” seminar with control students in a research methods class. They found that over the course of the semester, students in the prejudice course became significantly more egalitarian, while the control students remained the same. This suggests that one method of reducing negative stereotypes is increasing education about their damaging effects, as well as exposure to people from a stigmatized group. Supporting this view, research on the “contact hypothesis” has shown that aggression and tension between members of groups in conflict may be reduced by bringing them into contact with each other.

When it comes to gender stereotypes, the most obvious way to bring about change is to support men and women who wish to behave in counter-stereotypical ways. For example, if women were free to pursue leadership without fear of encountering backlash from others, then an increasing number of women would likely be advanced to positions of power. These visible female leaders could then serve as role models to others, enhancing workplace gender equity still further. Over time, the gender diversity of leaders would likely begin to weaken workplace gender stereotypes. Simply put, if there were just as many women as men in leadership roles, the stereotype that “men are most fit to lead” would be undermined.

Similarly, if men were not penalized for their modest moments, they might feel freer to enact the full range of human behavior and emotion (rather than an unattainable hyper-masculine ideal), changing the stereotype that modesty is a female trait. Thus, the best way to change gender stereotypes may be to change our responses to people who violate them.

Corinne Moss-Racusin is a doctoral student in social psychology at Rutgers University.

Tags: gender roles, gender studies, stereotypes, culture, backlash, Corinne Moss-Racusin, How Hard Is It to Change a Gender Stereotype?, gender rules, sanctions, Big Questions Online

Daddy on Board - Dads More Involved with Children

Good to hear. I actually see a LOT of young dads with their kids during the day. The come into the gym with them in the middle of the morning or afternoon, so it's clear they are doing their share of the childcare.

Daddy on Board

Dads are definitely getting more involved with their children

By Joanne Stern, Ph.D.

Published on August 18, 2010

Dads are definitely getting more involved with their children. According to my friend and colleague, Dottie Lamm, MSW, they're helping with childcare and household tasks because they want to be present for those special moments, and they want to contribute more time, focus and energy to their families.

Dottie has worked as a social worker with single mothers and with parents of emotionally disturbed children. As First Lady of Colorado from 1975 to 1987, as Colorado's Democratic U.S. Senate candidate in 1998, and as a Denver Post columnist for 17 years, she has fought for women's rights and the well-being of children and their families. After having been "blown away" with the way in which her son and son-in-law were so involved with their new babies, compared to their own dads back in the sixties and seventies, she wrote "Daddy on Board: Parenting Roles for the 21st Century." It's available at Cassandra@fulcrumbooks.com.

I'm happy to share with you a recent conversation I had with Dottie.

Joanne: You say that dads are clearly on board the family boat and are even steering the ship. Can you tell us more about how that has come about?

Dottie: Wow! I originally thought, "Of course, dads are more involved than they were in my generation of child rearing. Mothers and the women's movement have pushed them-ready or not." Seventy-five percent of married moms with children are now in the paid work force, including sixty-two percent of college educated married moms with infants. So these two working parents are going to have to share the kid care role at home. Right? Well, yes. But I also found that even the dads whose wives were full time homemakers were getting "on board" with their babies too. There appears to be a whole new ethic and desire on the part of dads to get involved from the get-go. One dad said he felt his own dad missed out on the joys (and trials!) of early bonding.

Joanne: What tips do you have for parents who get bogged down trying to negotiate and work out issues of child care and household duties-especially with two working parents whose schedules change constantly?

Dottie: Good question! With the parents I interviewed, I found that just because there's a will doesn't mean there's an easy way! Culture kicks in hard, and some men (and women) have difficulty breaking away from the traditional mom/dad roles in their families of origin. The couples I talked with shared many tips for negotiating their parenting roles:

• Communicate. An overused-almost cliché word, so let me be specific. "Say what you need," said one frustrated dad about his wife's smoldering anger at the fact that he was great with the kids, but didn't pitch in on the housework enough. "Hey, I can't read your mind." (And sometimes we women think our husbands can-or could if they really loved us)

• Set regular times to review the schedule and the needs of family members. No parenting pattern-no matter how perfect at first-will stay the same over time. "Once a month, renegotiate?" I asked. "No," said one mom. "At least once a week!"

• DO go to bed angry when necessary. "You'll have better energy to deal with who does what in the morning," said one mom of teenagers whose husband is the full time homemaker.

• DON'T be a slave to consistency. Consistency with kids is overrated. With one couple I interviewed, the dad would never spank or discipline the kids in any physical way. The mom thought an occasional swat on the behind was ok. They agreed to disagree, and whoever was in charge used the methods they thought best for the occasion.

• Step away, don't walk away! Stepping back and saying, "I'm too beat to deal with this right now," is far different than walking away, yelling or saying nothing-all of which indicate to the spouse that he/she doesn't matter. Condescension at its worst! And a spouse who is continually "condescended to" can fall into a downward spiral of low self-esteem.

• To Dads: Listen. Really listen. Don't rush in to fix things immediately. Sometimes she wants specific help. Sometimes she just wants to vent and be understood-an ear instead of a hand.

• To Moms: Let go of control. His way of nurturing may be different than yours and that's ok. Unless his "style" is endangering life or limb, step back and don't expect perfection-which really means your idea of perfection.

• Have regular "date nights" or other times to be a couple, rather than always being parents negotiating roles or discussing the kids. What brought you together in the first place? Music, snowboarding, chess, bowling? Do it! A minister in one of my book discussions was adamant. "Don't feel guilty about not spending every minute away from work with the kids. They may howl when you go, but your nurtured loving relationship is more important to them in the long run than spending every minute as "parents on board."

Joanne: But can couples really afford these outings in this devastating economy-or do they just cause more stress?

Dottie: Good point! Before the recession, dads were staying home by choice, but by mid- 2008 hundreds of dads were home because they had been "let go"-an entirely different financial and psychological situation. (Over the past three years of recession, eighty percent of jobs lost were traditional male jobs.) Often dads feel lost. And moms are feeling lost too! Traumas of reduced life style, home foreclosure, need to relocate, elimination of childrens' loved activities loom. Egos become fragile when partners are pushed out of their accustomed roles. Guilt and depression can kick in, even when parents understand intellectually that their challenges are due to factors outside their control. It's more important than ever for couples to be sensitive to each other.

Joanne: How are couples coping with the added stressors?

Dottie: Here are some suggestions that couples may find helpful.

• Don't project all your woes onto your partner. He/she is probably feeling just as fragile as you are, especially if a job has been lost or downsized. Talk, talk, talk, about feelings as well as finances.

• Prioritize! Many extras you have learned to live with can probably be lived without, although sacrifice may not come easy. One couple moved to a rental house, sold one car, gave up outings with their only child-but they will not give up the tuition for her private school that she loves and they feel she needs.

• Bring older children into the new family realities. Some are surprisingly resilient and eager to be "contributors"-if not with income, at least with creative ideas and positive attitudes"

• At the risk of sounding Pollyanna, look for a "silver lining." One father found himself relieved to give up his demanding restaurant business and go to work for a competitor at a reduced income but regular hours. "I can finally spend some time with my kids," he said.

• Make a budget and stick to it. Get help if you need to or go to Family Budget on the internet. Also, check out www.themoneycouple.com with Scott and Bethany Palmer or their handy paperback book "First Comes Love, Then Comes Money: A Couple's Guide to Financial Communication."

• And as for that "date night"-perhaps do it in a group with other parents, and share babysitting expenses. That's something we did in the "old days"-and it worked. You may not get the desired "one to one," but at least you can get adult support, conversation and, perhaps, a bit of fun.

For more information on building relationships with your kids, please see my book, "Parenting Is a Contact Sport: 8 Ways to Stay Connected to Your Kids for Life".

This article was originally posted on Care2.com.

Tags: culture, fatherhood, parenting, relationships, Joanne Stern, Daddy on Board, children, involvement, Dottie Lamm, childcare

Researchers Say Superheroes Are Too Violent

Hmmm . . . . Maybe true, but I'm not going along with the "close ties to mothers" solutions. What about fathers as good masculine role models?

And whatever happened to Superman as a role model? Or Spiderman? I know that the trend in comics has been to make superheroes more human, but I grew up with the older versions of these guys - hell, even Captain America - and they represented good values as far as truth and integrity are concerned.

On the other hand, the whole "hero" thing doesn't really work for me as a healthy role model, anyway - it's not a mature form of masculinity in my opinion. Most heroes tend to be two-dimensional at best, whether they are Greek heroes such as Hercules or Odysseus, or modern superheroes such as Batman or Superman.

I can't think of a single superhero who owns his identity as both man and hero. Failing to do so amounts to an immature, bifurcated self. This is neither healthy as a form of masculinity nor as a role model. But there's more . . .

In Death of a Hero, Birth of the Soul: Answering the Call of Midlife by John C. Robinson, the author asserts that the hero myth, and the hero archetype upon which all superheroes are based, is an adolescent myth - his perspective is Jungian, so I am sure he has generated some consternation among his peers, despite their endorsements of his book.

According to Robinson, the hero energy gets boys into adulthood, into a world full of challenges - leaving home, finding a job, "winning" a partner, raising kids, being successful in career - all of which focuses the boy/man, as often as not, on himself, not on those around him. At midlife, many men wake up to the myopic life they have been living so far and wonder if this is all there they get from life.

Superheroes have this same singular focus on being heroes, so Lois and Clark never really get together, nor do most other superheroes. Maturity brings a concern for true connection to others, not simply acting on their behalves, but actually connecting with them as human beings, and being vulnerable with them about his own life.

I have never seen a superhero who is truly human, who is open about his identity, who is compassionate in ways other than saving lives, who is vulnerable and reveals weaknesses that are not simply dark (as in The Dark Knight) but fully human.

These are the heroes we need.

OK. I am done preaching.

Superheroes: Bad Role Models for Boys?

Researchers Say Superheroes Are Too Violent, but Close Ties to Mothers, Friends Can Help Boys Shun Negative Stereotypes

By Kathleen Doheny

WebMD Health News

Reviewed by Laura J. Martin, MD

Aug. 16, 2010 (San Diego) -- Today's media superheroes -- including Batman in The Dark Knight and the Hulk in Planet Hulk -- as well as the ''slacker'' characters often portrayed in TV shows and movies offer boys poor role models, says a University of Massachusetts professor who polled hundreds of boys up to age 18 to find out their favorites.

The poll results suggest boys hear two ways to be masculine, says researcher Sharon Lamb, EdD, distinguished professor of mental health at the University of Massachusetts-Boston, who presented the findings Sunday at the American Psychological Association's annual meeting in San Diego.

"One was the superhero image, created as someone who shows their masculinity through power over other people, through exploiting women, showing their wealth, and through sarcasm and superiority," she says.

The other is the slacker, ''the pot-smoking smelly guy who hates school," she says.

Today's superheroes, she says, are a step down from those in earlier days. Today's superheroes, she says, ''use social justice as an excuse for aggression."

But there's a way resist these ''macho'' images, another researcher reported at the same meeting.

Superheroes: The Study

Lamb's team polled 674 boys, aged 4 to 18, asking what they were reading, watching on television and at the movies, and what they were reading in comic books.

She watched the movies and shows and looked at the comic books deemed popular, evaluating popular superheroes, such as Batman, Ironman, the Hulk, and the Fantastic Four, a group of astronauts who gain super powers after radiation exposure.

After finding them aggressive and otherwise undesirable, she noticed that the other extreme in movies and other materials popular with boys was the ''slacker," says Lamb, who co-wrote Packaging Boyhood: Saving our Sons From Super Heroes, Slackers and Other Media Stereotypes.

She also found a theme of boys hanging out to drink together appearing in media deemed by rating systems to be appropriate for viewing by pre-teens. The message here, she says, is ''that the way boys bond with each other is binge drinking or partying."

The theme sometimes appears in animated fare, too, she found. In Open Season, for instance, animals get drunk on sugar and trash a store, she says.

Resisting Superheroes and Slackers: What Works?

In another study, also presented Sunday, developmental psychologist Carlos Santos, PhD, an assistant research professor at Arizona State University, Tempe, reported that boys who resist these images seem better adjusted.

In his research, he followed 426 middle school boys from six public schools in New York. The boys came from diverse backgrounds, he tells WebMD, allowing him to look at whether ethnicity, socioeconomic status, or immigrant status factored into whether boys adopted the macho superhero image.

He asked the boys, surveyed annually in the spring of sixth, seventh, and eighth grades, to describe the quality of their relationships with their mother, father, closest sibling, and their friends.

He evaluated whether the boys could resist following the ''macho" stereotype to be tough, detached from friends, and emotionally unavailable.

"Boys were acting resistant to stereotypes early in the study," he says. "Over time, there was a decline."

Santos found little difference between the groups, which included African-Americans, whites, Latinos, Asians, and others.

Boys who resisted stereotypes and were less aggressive and more emotionally available remained close to mothers, siblings, and peers, he found.

Closeness to dads didn't help them resist, however. "I didn't find the same pattern with dads," he tells WebMD. Boys who said they had high levels of paternal support tended to be less emotionally available to friends.

Why? "It could be that dads see being close to their son as an opportunity to reinforce traditional gender roles," Santos speculates. "Or it could be that boys perceive their dad's closeness as a call to fulfill traditional gender roles."

Santos isn't discouraging fathers from staying involved with their sons, of course. A father might share with a son, for instance, how being expressive does not make them less of a man, he says.

Keeping Superheroes and Slackers at Bay

What can parents do to be sure their sons see other images besides the two extremes?

Realize not every movie labeled PG-13 is OK for children, Lamb suggests.

Pointing out the stereotypes can help, she says. "You can teach kids what stereotypes are and how to resist them and remind them what real people and real kids like to do."

Point out good role models within the family and community, she says. Then kids can differentiate media images from real images.

Managing Superheroes: Second Opinion

Watching superheroes who don't portray a good role model does affect boys as well as girls, says Karen Dill, PhD, director of the media psychology doctoral program at the Fielding Graduate University in Santa Barbara, Calif.

Fielding is the author of How Fantasy Becomes Reality and has researched the evolution of female superheroes in the media and how some of them are now sending less than ideal messages to girls.

"I agree with the authors [of the new studies] that the way a social group is portrayed in media affects both public perception of the group itself and affects the members of the group and their self-images," Dill tells WebMD.

Resisting the media choices of superheroes, Dill tells WebMD, is difficult."We can't underestimate that media, which take up the great majority of kids' and teens' free time, are our storytellers," she says. "The stories they tell make up much of our shared cultural ideals and therefore shape how boys and girls feel about themselves and their peers."

Input From the American Academy of Pediatrics

Violence in the media has ''a clear effect on the behavior of children and contributes to the frequency with which violence is used to resolve conflict," according to the American Academy of Pediatrics.

On its web site, the group reminds parents that ''the primary goal of commercial children's television is to sell products -- from toys to food -- to children."

Tags: Superheroes, Bad Role Models, Boys, Kathleen Doheny, WebMD, violent, stereotypes, Batman, The Dark Knight, Incredible Hulk, Planet Hulk, masculine, research, Sharon Lamb, masculinity, media, violence, Ironman, Carlos Santos, domination, Karen Dill, culture, immature, hero myth, archetypes, Death of a Hero, Birth of the Soul, Answering the Call of Midlife, John C. Robinson, connection, interpersonal

Embracing Grief - Grief is Important

When my father died, I had no idea how to grieve such a huge loss for a 13 year old kid. No one around me did either, so I didn't. I buried it, then proceeded to act out and self-numb for several years.

The hardest part is that this experience left me unable to properly process other losses - girlfriends, friends, whatever. If we cannot honor and process our losses, they remain like anchors in our psyches, keeping us connected to that sadness and grief. Even though we are not aware of it, those feelings will shape our responses to life.

But it doesn't have to be this way - this Daily Om speaks to being able to sit with out feelings, including grief and loss, rather the numbing them or burying them.

Embracing Grief
Grief is Important

Giving ourselves permission to be with sadness actually creates space for us to begin the healing process.
Change is something that happens each and every moment in our lives. Since nothing is constant, it may sometimes seem as if we are losing something whenever things do change. Understanding that this is part of our daily existence and that there will not only be gains but also losses in our lives can help us more readily accept and deal with whatever happens.

Whenever we lose something or somebody we love, it is important for us to take time out for ourselves and truly feel the weight of what we are experiencing. Although it may seem that doing so will push us into a deeper state of sadness, truly giving ourselves permission to be with whatever arises actually creates space for us to begin the healing process. This is because the act of grieving is a natural process, allowing us to sort through the range of emotions that are present in our everyday existence. Even though it may sometimes seem easier to involve ourselves in activities that take our minds off of our sadness, this will only make the route to healing more difficult. Unless we listen to where we are in the moment, the emotions we experience will only grow in intensity, and our feelings will manifest themselves in more powerful and less comfortable ways. Once we consciously acknowledge that these emotions are present, however, we are more able to soothe the sorrow of the moment. In so doing, we become more open to our natural ability to heal ourselves.

Grieving doesn’t have to be a process that keeps us rooted in our thoughts of fear and sadness. For the moment we might feel despondent, but by expressing and coping with our true feelings, we face the sadness head-on. When we allow ourselves to accept and deal with our loss fully, we will then be able to continue our life’s journey with a much more positive and accepting outlook. This will make it easier for us to see that our grief is ephemeral and, just like our moments of happiness, it will also come to pass.

What do you think?
Discuss this article and share your opinion

Tags: men, grief, emotions, psychology, Daily Om, Embracing Grief, Grief is Important, sadness, processing feelings

Lewis Black on "Eat, Pray, Love" (the film vs. the book) - The Daily Show

Lewis Black vents his feminine side about the film version of Eat, Pray, Love vs. the book that set him on a spiritual quest for happiness and fulfillment.

Even the Wall Street Journal was moved by his commentary.

Which male media figure was irritated by Julia Roberts’ “Eat Pray Love” dramedy more than we were? Comedian Lewis Black, apparently. The Daily Show used his “Back in Black” segment last night to sardonically lambast the movie, which he called “a profound disappointment.” He hated it… because he “loved that book… and they ruined it,” he said. He told host Jon Stewart, “This is EPL we’re talking about!”

Watch the clip:

The Daily Show With Jon Stewart	Mon - Thurs 11p / 10c
	Back in Black - Eat, Pray, Love
www.thedailyshow.com
Daily Show Full Episodes Political Humor Tea Party

Tags: Lewis Black, Eat Pray Love, film, book, The Daily Show, comedy, books, humor, satire, HSN, product tie-ins, merchandising

Jayson Gaddis - Men and Sex

Nice post from Jayson - and I am not familiar with David Cates so I'll have to look into his work. Jayson will be hosting and leading some events around sexuality in the next few months, so I'll post the schedule below the article.

One of the the things I have learned as I have aged is that sexual energy is generally wasted on the young. We do not teach our young people that sexual intimacy is often best when it is about just that, intimacy - about being with and being open to the person we love. If we are caught up in the performance aspects of sex, we are not present to the person and the moment.

Even when we are 'fucking' rather than 'making love,' being present transforms the experience from one of getting off to one of exploring or being with our animal nature, which produces its own form of vulnerability and intimacy.

There is no greater vulnerability or intimacy than being physically, emotionally, and spiritually naked with another human being. It's that presence, being in the moment, whatever that moment is, that transforms the physical act of sex to something deeper and more spiritual.

Men and Sex

Fri, Aug 13, 2010

Art by Bryce Widom

Most men are locked up and confused sexually.

I am a student when it comes to sex. Sex has brought me incredible shame and unbelievable joy in my life.

Pretty much every guy I have ever talked to about his sex life has been challenged one way or another in the bedroom.

Sex is the most widely googled term. By in large, we are a sexually repressed culture and it leaks out in hypersexualized images everywhere.

Most of us grew up being robbed of a genuine, heartfelt, honest education about sex. Men (and women of course) have received a ridiculous amount of misinformation about sex from boyhood to manhood. Many men remain sexually immature, confused and illiterate. Sex education completely falls short of the what we need to succeed and feel good about ourselves sexually.

As a result, many men are unhappy and ashamed. In addition, with little to no information about the power of sex and the male sex organ, boys and men act out everywhere from rape to every form of sexual abuse and violence. Instead of learning about his erectile dysfunction, a man can now just take a pill to get a hard on without ever addressing the hidden intelligence of his body’s flaccidity. We remain numb, asleep, angry, hurt, isolated, and very confused about sex.

However, there are pockets of wisdom out there where children, teens and adults can get all the information they need. Brave folks like David Cates are paving the way to help us re-claim the totality of our sexuality. Last year I hired David who is a deep sexual healer (a.k.a. sex coach) to help me. My wife and I were ready to deepen into the next sexual phase of our relationship. Being married with a new baby presents challenges to new parents like us. I was eager to get support from David and learn a new sexual dance and carve out new sexual pathways with my wife.

I have read David Deida, Mantak Chia, the Multi-Orgasmic Male, and other tantric-type books, but all of them have put me further into the “performance game” that most men find themselves in. These teachers have helped a lot of men, but most men just employ the tools without doing any spiritual work, so they lack a solid foundation. The trap is that in order to feel good sexually and get what we want, a man thinks he has to try harder, perform better, “fuck her open to God,” and do it right. He learn tricks, tips, and breathing exercises, in a never ending “project” that requires a ton of work. It’s not too long into this process that many men collapse in frustration.

David Cates, on the other hand, turns this performance game on it’s head. He is teaching me that sex can be effortless. He is teaching me the power of relaxation instead of performance. His teachings are realistic and compassionate toward both parties. I have been so psyched on what I’m learning that I asked David if he’d teach at my leadership training. He did. It rocked. Now, I have asked him yet again to share more of his wisdom in a free conference call.

I strongly suggest you at least sign up for this free call we are doing next Monday the 16th.

After that, if you want to dive in to an amazing 6-week course on the subject of how to get out of the performance game and into a place of “ease” sexually, please join us. And, it’s not what you think, seriously. Click the link to view more about what you will learn…

The Truth is In Your Body, Effortless Sex for a Lifetime

Lastly, it is time we stop keeping sex as this hidden affair. The more we all collude and not share our sexual wounds and victories, the more we let our culture dictate the rules placed upon us so long ago. Let’s talk about sex!

Here is Jayson's fall schedule of events, many of which are focused male sexuality and relationships:

August

18 –Free tele-class, The Truth is In Your Body, Effortless Sex that Lasts a Lifetime
Led by David Cates, hosted by Jayson Gaddis, MEN & WOMEN

25 – 6-week tele-class begins The Truth is In Your Body, Effortless Sex that Lasts a Lifetime Led by David Cates, hosted by Jayson Gaddis, Phone, MEN ONLY

28 –one day evolve.MEN.t intensive in Boulder, CO MEN ONLY. Essentially an open men’s circle for evolving and conscious men wanting the power of a tribe to help them deepen and go further.

September

9-11 –The New Masculine Paradigm speech at Modern Media Man Summit, Atlanta, GA. MEN & WOMEN. http://modernmediaman.com/
15-16 –Bridging the Masculine & Feminine, Truth, Rage & Desire. Boulder. with co-facilitator Christiane Pelmas. MEN & WOMEN. Invite only
25-26 –Evolving Men’s Conference, Boulder, MEN & WOMEN, invite only

October

1-3 –Penetrating the Material World, Using Your Sexual power to Create an Abundant Life, a 2.2 day introductory intensive for MEN with David Cates & Jayson Gaddis
16 –one day evolve.MEN.t intensive in Boulder, CO MEN ONLY

November

6 –one day evolve.MEN.t intensive in Boulder, CO MEN ONLY
15-17 –Penetrating the Material World, Using Your Sexual power to Create an Abundant Life, a 6-Month Training for MEN. Boulder & Seattle. David Cates & Jayson Gaddis, application only

Tags: Men's Spirituality, self-knowledge, women, men, masculinity, sexuality, sex, relationships, spirituality, David Cates, David Deida, Mantak Chia, performance, sharing, intimacy, presence, in the moment