Being Gay in Iran - Coming Out in a Country Where That Can Get You Killed

From The Stranger, Seattle's real alternative weekly, this is a tender and harrowing first-person account of coming out and being outed in Iran, a country where being gay can get you killed.

Being Gay in Iran

Coming Out in a Country Where That Can Get You Killed, and the TV Documentary That Outed Me to the World

by Farhad Dolatizadeh
May 28, 2014
Photos by Ethan Folk

I RAN FROM IRAN - And found myself in this town in Turkey, where I didn’t know a soul. I was one of the lucky ones.

I'm 16.

"May I ask you something personal?"

I know what's coming.

I look at my aunt as she takes her time to assemble the correct words. She is a tiny, sweet woman wearing a loosely draped head scarf, staring at me with shining dark-brown eyes. I love her more dearly than anything in the world. Of course I will tell her the truth. I can't think of a reason to hide from her. It isn't as if she might murder me or run around spreading my secret. She's not one of those closed-minded, brainwashed people who would automatically judge me. She spent most of her life outside of Iran, living and working as an architect in Norway and Germany. If there is anyone out there who would understand me, it's her.

"Are you gay, Feri Kitty?" she asks.

My name is Farhad, but since I was little, my aunt has affectionately called me Feri Kitty, referring to my soft spot for kittens.

"You call me Feri Kitty and expect me to be who? Robocop?" I snap. The bitch inside me has been growing day by day.

She just gazes at me. Eventually she smiles and wraps me in her arms. "It's okay. There's no need to be aggressive... everything is going to be okay."

I weep into her shoulder and can't respond.

This is my first coming out.

I'm 17.

I'm lying on my bed, waiting for sleep to take me, when my brother stirs. He and I are sharing a room, and his bed is only a few meters away. He is four years older than I am, but I have always regarded myself as the more mature one.

It's been six months since the conversation with my aunt.

I can't make out my brother's features, but I hear his voice, husky from sleep: "Farhad, who is this new guy you are hanging out with so much? He seems older than you! Is he from your school?"

I am silent for a beat. "You mean Darius?"

"Yes."

"Yep. He's my friend. Nope. Not from school," I say, trying my best to indicate that I am on the verge of sleep and the conversation is over.

But he barges on: "Where do you know him from, then?"

"Why do you care, you dumbass? Go bug your girlfriend and leave my life to me," I say in my mind. But to my brother, I say: "I met him at a cafe."

Another pause, and then, without a trace of emotion, my brother says: "He is handsome. Is he your boyfriend?"

I am shocked. Is this really my brother? Has he been possessed by some kind of demon? I quickly assess that, although he is not the smartest or even the most open-minded person in the world, he is a good brother, and he has always been there when I've needed him. I can trust him with the truth.

I still can't see his face in the dark, so I'm unable to catch his reaction when I reply, "Yes. He is."

Another heavy pause.

"So, does that mean that you are gay?"

Whoa. "Gay"? Really? I am shocked that he has used the English term. I thought that my brother, like most Iranians, would know only the slang term "sissy." Maybe he's not as stupid as I thought.

"Yes?" I blurt, stunned.

I wait for him to respond, but nothing comes. I can't believe it—he just rolls over and goes back to sleep. For fuck's sake, you just found out that your younger brother is gay! You can't just nod off and leave it like that! You should say something, you need to say something!

What a dumbass.

Five minutes later, I hear another rustle and see his silhouette shift as he turns back to me.

"Farhad, does that mean that I'm not going to be an uncle?"

Is he trying to act cool? Is that really his primary concern? "I... really don't know. Maybe someday?"

"Okay," he says, and goes quiet again, leaving me with a head full of racing thoughts.

I'm 18.

I'm sitting in the car with my dad. We are driving to his factory, when he suddenly asks, "Have you decided what you are going to do about your military service?"

"I'm not going," I say, trying to avoid his searching look.

"But every single man must go into the military, unless they can prove some handicap..."

My father is in his 40s and has worked hard all his life. I see the deep lines of experience on his face. Maybe this evidence of wisdom is why I feel so ready to expose myself to him. I don't know. But I have a feeling that he will accept me.

"I know the rules, Father. I'm not going. I can't go because of the rule prohibiting homosexuals from serving in the military," I say. Despite my determination, I am unable to keep my voice completely stable.

"But... are you gay?" he says, eyes fixed straight ahead—on the road.

"Yes," I reply. This time, with confidence.

The car fills with silence. After listening to my heart pound and the sounds of the road, I find the courage to say, "Well... aren't you going to say anything?"

Still staring at the road, my father begins to speak. "We are not stupid, Farhad. We are your parents. I knew the moment I laid eyes on you. I didn't want to believe it, but I knew."

Perhaps I have misjudged my father. I feel my mouth go dry and I begin to choke up.

"Farhad, I didn't want to believe it, not because I'm ashamed, but because I know how hard it is for homosexuals in this country. I don't want my baby boy to be killed by the government just because of his sexual preference. I want the best life for you. I want to send you away. To a safer country. To somewhere no one can hurt you because of the kind of person you love."

As afraid as I am, I understand him completely. I am overwhelmed by feelings of relief and love. I am so fortunate to have such a father, but feel so cursed to know that I will eventually be banished from my homeland. I'll have to leave Iran eventually. No gay is safe in this country. I heard this from my aunt, years ago, and now I've heard it from my father. I know his intentions are good.

I don't want to break down in front of my father, so I simply smile and try to keep it lighthearted. "Let's just deal with the military duty first."

He returns my smile, and it lingers as he turns his attention back to the road.

"Thank you for loving me, Dad."

"Always, Son. Always."

I'm 20.

Of course, my father is the one to open the discussion with my mother. He knows exactly how to reason with her, and after three days of tears and talking, she manages to calm down.

In many ways, my mom is my best friend now. I can tell her anything. She loves my boyfriend, Darius, and she is constantly urging me to bring him home for dinner with the family. She is still squeamish about the topic of sex, but I think this is normal for mothers regardless of their son's orientation.

I'm sitting in the living room with Darius, and the house is empty. I'm kissing him, as I do whenever we have the luxury of being alone together. We are in love, and in these moments, I feel absolute bliss and comfort.

I am thinking about the flavor of his mouth, when the ringing of the telephone pulls me out of the moment.

I reluctantly break away and answer. I recognize my cousin's familiar voice, but I can tell immediately that something is very, very wrong.

"Farhad. I saw you on the TV," he declares. Coldly.

What? TV? My mind races, but I cannot imagine what he could be referring to. Before I can respond or even question him, he says, "I know what you are. I know what you are and I don't want to see you anymore."

The line clicks dead.

I'm frozen. I am unable to speak, and Darius grows worried as my face turns pale. I fumble for the remote control, and the TV comes to life. I flip through the channels until I find something unusual. They are showing a documentary about gay people in Iran and letting people around the world know how hard and dangerous it is for gays in this country. The film was made by a Canadian television channel, and it sure seems like they care a lot about the well-being of gays in Iran.

Darius and I are shocked that a documentary on such a subject is being aired. Now some people are talking about their problems in front of the camera, but their faces are blurred. It is interesting, I suppose, but what does it have to do with me? In less than a minute, I have my answer. I begin to feel dread when the camera pans across a restaurant I know well. It is the spot where gay people in Tehran gather every Tuesday. Where I go most Tuesdays. Now the camera is inside the restaurant, and they are showing us. They are showing our faces. They are showing my face. It is obviously shot with a concealed camera. A long lens, zoomed in—my face filling the screen for several seconds. Casually chatting, completely unaware. They are even sure to identify the restaurant by name. And we don't know we are being filmed. How nice of them: They want to let the world know how miserable gay people are in Iran and how the government kills them because of their orientation, and they come to our community and expose us to everyone? To the hateful government? To our neighbors, friends, and families?

I watch the film until the end. My face was clearly shown, yet I had no clue of the film's existence until a few minutes ago. I'm shocked. I'm scared. I don't know what to do. Darius and I sit speechless. According to the documentary, the producers got "group consent," but I never consented to this.

I pick the phone up and call my aunt in Norway. She answers, and I blurt out, "Auntie, I just came out to the world..."

A window display IN ANKARA Where I lived as a refugee after a TV documentary aired undercover footage of my face.

I'm 24.

I've been in Ankara, Turkey, for three months now, and I sit in a small, nearly empty concrete room. Across from me sits a blue-eyed man with slicked-back ginger hair and a bright beard. The table in front of me is bare except for a computer and some loose notes. I can't shake the impression that the man is some sort of church official—a pastor, perhaps. In reality, he is a representative of the United Nations High Commissioner for Refugees (UNHCR), who handles amnesty requests. I prefer not to go into detail so that other refugees who are going to leave Iran won't face any extra problems, but I have escaped from Iran.

"How do you feel when you see yourself in that documentary?" he asks.

Angry. Upset. Desperate.

Angry at all of the people who mocked me and looked down on me. Angry at the president, who went on national television and stated that there were no homosexuals in Iran. Angry at the TV channel that wasted an opportunity to put the spotlight on a reprehensible government, and instead put the spotlight on people like me. Angry at the idiocy that allowed them to describe how Iranian gays are facing execution, and in the next moment broadcast images of dozens of closeted homosexuals. Angry at the hurry, the oversight, the ignorance—whatever allowed such an obvious and dangerous mistake to happen. I was angry at God, to create me as I was—a gay man in a country that did not accept me.

And yes, upset. Upset about the blind submission of millions to an intolerant brand of religion that states that homosexuality is an unforgivable sin. Upset about the hypocrisy and inconsistent interpretations of Islam. Upset about the Iranian parents who have murdered their children just for being gay. Upset and confused by a society in which murdering your own child is less of a crime than loving someone.

And yes, desperate. Desperate to be loved again by the ones who decided I was inhuman once they discovered that I was gay. Desperate to get far away from the situation that had developed since the airing of the documentary. Desperate to get back the four years of my life spent defending myself from hatred and mockery, perpetually in fear of the government. Desperate to find shelter. To find a safe place. A place where I needn't fear for my life. I lived for four years in Iran after that documentary aired, four years of living in protective mode: I didn't go to that restaurant anymore, I lost friends, I was forced to leave university, and I had to begin a new life with people who didn't know me. Finally, I had an opportunity to flee to Turkey, and I took it.

So yes, I am angry and upset and desperate. I look at the guy in front of me. He seems to be a nice guy. He is working for UNHCR. I can trust him. He is smiling at me and waiting for my answer. I try my best to give him an answer, but I burst into tears instead.

He doesn't reply. He nods and taps a few notes into his keyboard. I try to stifle my tears and give him an answer. Then I think about all of the other refugees in Turkey. About their miserable lives. How they are relegated to small villages, which they cannot leave. How they aren't allowed to work and have no legal means to support themselves. They have no identity and no nationality. They are just beings—walking around, waiting for their time to come, waiting to know their destiny. Just like me.

Then I think about the others in the documentary who weren't even able to escape as far as Turkey.

And I burst into tears again.

NOT SO WELCOME - The UN pondered my application for amnesty for two years, and Canada took another year to decide after that.

I'm 27.

I'm in my room. My last roommate moved out five months ago, so the house is silent. His asylum request to the US was granted, but I remain here in our small house. I sit on my bed, staring at my computer screen and trying to pass the time.

It's been almost three years since I filed for asylum, and I'm still here in the Turkish village. I'm terribly depressed. I feel lonely and unspeakably weary from constant harassment. The villagers look at me like some sort of strange, alien object. The police have accused me of being HIV-positive and demanded that I submit to blood tests. I knew this was an illegal request, and when I refused, they told me to stay away from people, and that I was a threat to the community. At our weekly "check-in" today, the police officer wouldn't even let me in his room. He told me that he wouldn't shake my hand because he is scared of contracting AIDS.

I miss so many of the friends that I've made in these three years. I've met many other refugees from Iran and seen them all come and go—off to their new, safe homes. But I remain. Alone. Does anyone think of me? Does the UNHCR or the Canadian embassy know what my life is like in here? How can they expect me to survive in a place where I'm not even allowed to work for three years? Don't they feel some sort of responsibility for me, since it was a Canadian television company that made the documentary? Once the UN finally completed the two-year processing of my application, why has it taken the Canadian embassy an additional year to decide if I deserve to live in their country? Why, when every other case has been decided in a matter of months? I wonder what I have done wrong to deserve this.

I have thought of suicide. I have thought of different ways to end this miserable waiting. But there is a hope in the name "Canada"—it conjures imagery in my mind that is both vivid and uncertain. A better life. Freedom. Safety in a distant northern land.

But I am tired. I'm so tired of waiting for their call. I am sick of the endless, numbing disappointment. It's simply not fair.

Then my cell phone rings.

"Hello. Am I speaking to Farhad?" asks the voice from the other end.

"Yes, I am Farhad!" I rush to spit out the words. No matter how many times the phone has rung, or the mail has arrived, or I have felt hope—I still can't suppress the thrill when I think something is about to happen. No matter how many times that hope has been crushed or I have been disappointed, I still can't completely eliminate the excitement. I am aware of all of this as I state my name. My hope begins to fade as the line is briefly silent. I prepare myself for the letdown—I've gotten good at this.

Then the voice says, "Hi, Farhad. This is Mr. [redacted] from the Canadian embassy. Are you available tomorrow to come to the embassy? We will need your passport to issue you the visa."

~ Farhad Dolatizadeh's name has been changed to protect his identity. He is now living safely in Canada.

The Missing Myth: A New Vision of Same-Sex Love - An Interview with Gilles Herrada

In this interview from last summer, Vanessa Fisher (co-editor of Integral Voices on Sex, Gender, and Spirituality, scheduled for release in July, 2014) interviews one of the contributors, Gilles Herrada, about his book, The Missing Myth: A New Vision of Same-Sex Love. Here is the publisher's ad copy for the book:

If homosexual behavior is an aberration from the standpoint of reproduction, why is it widespread among humans, primates, and a myriad of other animal species, and why has it been favored by evolution? And if homosexuality is considered a moral problem based on religious beliefs, why were more homosexuals exterminated under the brief reigns of such secular regimes as the Communists and the Nazis than during the entire Christian Inquisition. Why is everything about homosexuality always a paradox? In The Missing Myth, Gilles Herrada tackles the many questions about the role and meaning of homosexuality in the evolution of our species and the development of civilization: what evolutionary edge same-sex relationships have provided to the human species; what biological mechanisms generate the sexual diversity that we observe; why homosexual behavior ended up being prohibited worldwide; why homophobia has persisted throughout history; why the homosexual community resurfaced after World War II; and others.

I've had the good fortune of reading Gilles book and I highly recommend it for anyone who wants to understand the depth and complexities of same-sex love - including its rejection and the still persistent homophobia many people express.

The interview is excellent - enjoy.

The Missing Myth: A New Vision of Same-Sex Love

An Interview with Gilles Herrada by Vanessa D. Fisher


Download this Dialogue as an MP3


Gilles Herrada, Ph.D., is a research scientist, a writer, and life coach at LifeAsACreation. He has worked at the universities of Nice, Paris, Columbia, and Harvard, and is published internationally.
In this Dialogue, I interview Gilles about his recently published book, The Missing Myth: A New Vision of Same-Sex Love.

Below is a short quote from the book, which offers a taste of the new and expansive context Gilles opens in his book for re-visioning same-sex love...

After having been stigmatized as a sin or a perversion by two millenniums of homophobic culture, a mere half-century of well-intentioned pro-homosexual discourse has left homosexuality impoverished, truncated, disjointed, and ripped apart. Why is this? Modern homosexual identity only started to emerge in the nineteenth century and really grounded itself no earlier than the second half of the twentieth century. In this respect, this identity is extremely young, and because of the historical cultural context in which it was born, modern homosexuality has essentially been conceived and theorized within a biological, psychoanalytic, and sociological, and hence profoundly materialistic context.

As a result, modern homosexuality exists in body and mind, but has no soul.

Modern homosexuality has been analyzed and rationalized by modernists, contextualized and even deconstructed by postmodernists, but not many have dared to give it meaning…. As a consequence, the sacred dimension of modern homosexuality—symbolic and spiritual, inevitably—has remained largely ignored by the homosexual discourse, leaving its brutal rejection by traditional religions still unanswered.

In this sense, the original and somewhat humble premise of The Missing Myth is that homosexuality has yet to discover itself..."

While at Harvard, Gilles discovered a large family of genes involved in the detection of pheromones, those “secret” odors that trigger animal sexual and social behaviors. Gilles also attended and facilitated programs in what is commonly labeled as “personal development.” These workshops gave him the rare opportunity to discuss with homophobic men in an open and intimate setup. This offered him a unique chance to inquire into the mechanisms of homophobia empathically, that is from a homophobic standpoint.

Part of his research work regarding homosexuality’s history was presented at the First Integral Theory Conference in 2008 and will soon be published in the anthology titled Integral Voices on Sex, Gender, and Spirituality, co-edited by Sarah Nicholson and Vanessa D. Fisher, to be published by SUNY Press.

Gilles currently lives in New York City.
This Dialogue was recorded July 11, 2013

Jason Collins was the first active NBA player to come out; Michael Sam was the first Division I NCAA football player to come out; and now Derrick Gordon is the first Division I NCAA men's basketball player to come up.

Some people seem to think it's no big deal, and it shouldn't be - no one should give a rat's ass about anyone else's sexuality if the other person is not being evangelical. But that's not the world we live in, and that is certainly not the world of male sports. So, kudos to Mr. Gordon for showing other young men it is okay to be yourself - gay, straight, or somewhere in between.

Why Derrick Gordon Coming Out is Important, and a Story

April 9, 2014

Derrick Gordon first realized he was gay in middle school but never told anybody until earlier this month. He's now 22 years old. So the UMass guard has been hiding things from his family and friends for nearly a decade, and, by Gordon's own admission, he didn't figure he'd publicly disclose his sexual orientation for at least another three or four years.

But then NBA veteran Jason Collins came out last year.

And ...

"When he came out I wanted to come out the next day," Gordon said in an interview conducted by Kate Fagan that was broadcast nationally on Wednesday. "It was a relief."

And that, quite simply, is why Gordon's story is a huge and important story.

Because his story might help somebody else the way Collins' story helped him.

"[Collins] was getting subbed into [an NBA] game [as an openly gay man], and everybody stood up and started clapping," Gordon said. "And I was visualizing ... that being me. ... I just kept replaying it over and over again. ... And that definitely put a huge smile on my face."

Over the past year we've now had three examples of prominent male athletes publicly acknowledging that they're gay, and each time somebody on Twitter or a message board has been compelled to ask why this is a story. It happened when Collins came out. It happened again when Missouri football player Michael Sam came out. It happened again early Wednesday, when Gordon, a starter on the UMass team that made this season's NCAA Tournament, came out, and I get so frustrated every time somebody asks this question.

Are you one of those people?

Are you somebody who asks why this is a story?

 

UMass guard Derrick Gordon's decision to come out is important beyond college basketball. (USATSI)

If so, take eight minutes, watch this interview, and then, presumably, you'll never ask that question again because what you'll realize is that Gordon wouldn't be able to live honestly if not for Collins' story first being a story. There had never been an openly gay man in the NBA until Collins just like there had never been an openly gay man in Division I football until Sam just like there had never been an openly gay man in Division I basketball until Gordon, and it's naive to think one very public announcement didn't help trigger the next. In fact, Gordon was quite clear in stating that without Collins' story he'd almost certainly still be in the closet, and he was quite clear in stating that being in the closet was an awful way to live.

"I want to be myself," Gordon said. "I don't want to be somebody that I'm not."

Now, Gordon can be himself.

He doesn't have to hide anything anymore.

And the only reason Gordon ever felt comfortable enough to take this step is because he saw the way Collins and Sam have been treated by teammates and fans in recent months, and the only reason he saw that is because their stories were stories. This is still all so new, you know? So it doesn't matter whether you care or do not care if a player is gay. What matters is that there's another young gay athlete somewhere who will feel empowered to come out because of Gordon's story the same way Gordon was empowered by Collins' story.

And I'll take it a step farther.

Is it foolish to think that Gordon's teammates at UMass are more accepting of the news than they might've otherwise been because of the way they saw the Brooklyn Nets accept Collins? Is it farfetched to suggest that the way future Hall of Famers Kevin Garnett and Paul Pierce publicly handled that situation helped the UMass players better handle this situation?

I don't think it is.

I think all of these stories are connected.

And that's why anybody suggesting these stories aren't stories is wildly missing the point. Again, Collins' story helped pave the way for Sam's story, and those stories helped pave the way for Gordon's story. Across the board, those three men now say they're happier than they've ever been, and watching them be accepted will undoubtedly help somebody else, which is why these important stories deserve every headline they can possibly get.


~ Gary Parrish is a senior college basketball columnist for CBSSports.com and frequent contributor to the CBS Sports Network. The Mississippi native also hosts the highest-rated sports talk radio show -- The Gary Parrish Show -- in the history of Memphis. He lives in that area with his wife, two children and a dog.

How the NFL's Plan for Its 1st Openly Gay Player Fell Apart - And How Missouri Defensive End Michael Sam Is Changing All That

Two stories from the Bleacher Report - the first details the NFL's plan to announce it's first gay player fell through, and how the very recent announcement by Missouri Defensive End Michael Sam that he is gay is likely to change all of that - for the better.

The cool thing about Sam coming out was the support he received on Twitter from players (pas and present) and other athletes, including Shannon Sharpe, DeAngelo Williams, Tiki Barber, Amy Wambach, Jonathan Martin, and Robbie Rogers, among others.

The Inside Story of How the NFL's Plan for Its 1st Openly Gay Player Fell Apart

By Mike Freeman , NFL National Lead Writer Nov 20, 2013

B/R photo illustration 

The team had decided yes. The player had decided the same. It was set. It was going to happen. An NFL player was going to publicly say he was gay and then play in the NFL.

What happened before that moment showed how parts of the NFL are progressive and ready for change. Then, what happened next showed how the sport is still in some ways fearful of it.

The following account is based on interviews with approximately a dozen people, including team and league officials, current and former players, and gay-rights advocates. Some were directly involved with the discussions that nearly led to the first openly gay NFL player. Further illustrating the intense secrecy, delicacy and fear surrounding the subject, none of the principals wanted to be identified. They also refused to identify the team or the player.

It was early this past spring when a closeted gay player, who was a free agent, reached out to a small group of friends and told them about his sexual orientation. The friends, both current and former players, and others with NFL connections, then contacted a handful of teams to gauge their interest in the player and their comfort with that player talking openly about being gay if they signed him.

A number of teams contacted passed. The player was told they didn't have a need at his position. The player told a recently retired player he believed the teams declined because they feared the attention a gay NFL player would receive from the public and media.

Yet some teams were interested, and one team actually said yes. It wasn't a lukewarm yes or a conditional one. It was a definite yes.

The team expressed that it didn't care if the player was gay and had no issue with him announcing he was gay after signing. The player expected the signing, and subsequent announcement, to happen in June. This would give the team, fans and media a month to adjust to the news before training camp began.

It was during these talks with the team, occurring in late March and early April, that reports surfaced about the possibility of an openly gay player emerging. In effect, word of the impending signing was leaking. I reported a player was strongly considering coming out. My reporting was based on speaking to several NFL players. Word of an openly gay player signing was spreading among a portion of the player base.

Gay-rights advocate and former Baltimore Raven Brendon Ayanbadejo said in April that he believed several gay players might come out. He later backed away from the number of players but stood by his statement that a gay player would soon emerge onto the NFL stage. 

 

USA TODAY Sports - Outspoken gay-rights advocate Brendon Ayanbadejo is not as confident as he once was about how soon there will be an openly gay NFL player.
Some months later, it's possible Ayanbadejo may have been right. The feeling now among team officials, as well as current and former players, is that there wasn't just one gay player ready to shed his secret, but multiple ones.

"I don't know how close we are," Ayanbadejo said to Bleacher Report in regard to having an openly gay player. "I just know there are gays in the NFL but their identities remain confidential."

The sources paint a remarkable picture. At least two or three gay players, each unaware of the other, living in different parts of the country, with different sets of friends and agents, each contemplating the same thing: coming out.

That period was, as one gay-rights advocate described it, "the spring of optimism for the NFL and gay rights." There was a feeling that the NFL was on the verge of crossing this significant barrier. There was great excitement. It was going to happen.

Until it didn't.

***

The question now is: What happened?

In considering possible answers, it's important to know five things.

First: Estimates of how many gay players are in the NFL range widely, but some of them, from people intimately familiar with the league, are far higher than might be assumed by the outside public.

Players and team executives give totals ranging from several dozen to several hundred. (There are about 2,000 players in the league.) One former general manager said he believes the number of gay players is 30-40.

Second: The NFL and union know the identities of some gay players, according to many sources—a gay-rights advocate, a union official and a team official. The league and union learn who these players are from other players and coaches. They keep the identities of these players secret. In some cases, teams do so to protect the players. In many cases, teams learn the identities to avoid signing them as free agents.

Third: The league office backs the idea of an openly gay player, but one high-ranking league official believes the NFL isn't yet ready for one. League executives think football is three to five years away from accepting such a player, according to an NFL source. The league plans to carefully and deliberately make the atmosphere more tolerant and comfortable in the meantime, setting the stage for when that happens.

The NFL actually wants an openly gay player because it would be one of the last barriers broken in the sport and show professional football as a tolerant sport. And not everyone thinks the league needs to wait. Another league-office executive said the NFL is ready now. "We are prepared," he stated. "The league would give the player and his team all the support necessary."

In response to this story the NFL issued a statement saying all players are protected by the NFL's Personal Conduct Policy. A manual given to every player during training camp includes language about violent or threatening behavior between employees inside and outside of the workplace. It includes documents relating to sexual harassment and sexual orientation.

Fourth: Some individual franchises, however, are not as enthusiastic about the prospect as the league office seems to be. Several team officials say the largest obstacle to an openly gay player is the resistance of a significant number of NFL owners and a smaller number of general managers and coaches.

Fifth: Many in the league are fearful of acting or even speaking on this subject. Quite simply, teams remain terrified of signing an openly gay player.

One team official gave an example of why there is such fear. He posed a question: What if a gay player came out in a place like the Dolphins locker room, where there was allegedly severe hazing?

Some stories out of the last NFL combine indicated teams are worried. Nick Kasa, a prospective pro out of the University of Colorado, told ESPN Radio in Denver earlier this year that during interviews with team officials at the combine in Indianapolis: "(Teams) ask you, like, 'Do you have a girlfriend?' 'Are you married?' 'Do you like girls?'" Big-name players like Michigan's Denard Robinson and Michigan State's Le'Veon Bell indicated in radio interviews that they were asked similar questions. The assumption was that the questions were some form of standard operating procedure not tied to the particular interviewees.
 
Scott Halleran/Getty Images - Chris Culliver's homophobic remarks in advance of the Super Bowl this year offered a glimpse at the reception an out player might get.

During media day before this past Super Bowl, 49ers defensive back Chris Culliver said, "I don’t do the gay guys, man. I don’t do that. Got no gay people on the team. They gotta get up outta here if they do. Can’t be with that sweet stuff…Can’t be…in the locker room, nah. You’ve gotta come out 10 years later after that."

It's this fear of gays that helps explain why many in the NFL are nervous about addressing the issue on the record. Some sources feel that talking openly about gay issues will label them as being part of the gay-player discussion and harm them in their current positions across the sport.

Still, some players strongly believe an openly gay player would be welcome in an NFL locker room.

"Players, in general, don't care what other players do in the bedroom," Arizona kicker Jay Feely, who is in his 13th season and has been a longtime union representative, told Bleacher Report. "Whether that is being celibate, having an affair, being happily married for 20 years or being gay. No one cares. The only thing they care about is winning games (and getting paid). That's the honest truth.

"This story is not about football or locker rooms but outside factors and agendas that are using football as the carrot to attract attention for their own personal gain."

To others, both in football and out of it, an openly gay NFL player would be a monumental moment, signaling that yet another barrier has fallen not just in sports, but all of society.

***

This past spring, it seemed imminent that barrier was going to collapse with not one, but two players having found teams that would sign them knowing they would come out.

Along with the initial player discussed in this article, there was a fairly well-known defensive back. He drew interest from at least one AFC team that knew he was gay. Coaches on the team were asked if they were OK with a gay player. They were. Some defensive players were casually queried, according to an official on the team. All of the players asked said it wouldn't be an issue. They were not told the name of the player.

According to the team, the potential deal collapsed when the player wanted too much money. If that was the case—and there is doubt about that among gay-rights advocates—it stands apart from everything else league insiders are saying about an NFL which they know includes many gay players and not a single one who will publicly acknowledge he's gay.

The first player, the one who expected to sign in June, heard in mid-to-late May from the interested team that it would no longer be signing him, officials from other teams told Bleacher Report. The player was told the reason why was fear of intense media coverage.

It was at the end of April that NBA player Jason Collins wrote a first-person story for Sports Illustrated in which he stated he was gay. The story became one of the most discussed in recent sports history. 

 
Jim Rogash/Getty Images - Did the media attention Jason Collins received scare off NFL teams thinking of signing a gay player? Collins has not been signed by an NBA team.

The NFL player told a former teammate he believes the Collins story, and others about gay athletes around that time, caused the team to withdraw its offer. It was afraid of the attention. Now, six months and countless injuries to active players later, neither he nor the other player has signed with a team.

While being afraid to sign an openly gay player smacks of cowardice—the Dodgers signed Jackie Robinson knowing there would be not only disapproval but possibly violence directed against the club—it remains a fact teams fear almost any type of controversy. And this would be one of the more talked about stories ever.

So after lots of talk of a gay NFL player coming out, the talk disappeared. Because NFL teams, in the end, got cold feet. It's that simple.

The sport still isn't quite ready for an openly gay NFL player.

***

All sources close to the players were asked one question repeatedly: Why don't the players just come out?

The answer was the same—fear. If they come out before signing, they won't get signed. While the players want to help push change, they also want to play football. Some will point to how Collins remains unemployed post-announcement.

The other problem is the league itself. It has, at times, moved extraordinarily slow on this issue. One gay-rights advocate who has had extensive dealings with the NFL said the league is trying to do the right thing but "it's like changing the course of a cruise ship."

Go back to an important fact. At least one league official believes pro football is three to five years away from a gay player coming out. Thus we're seeing the S.S. NFL turning hard to starboard toward a gay player coming out, but turning ever so slowly.

It will happen. It's just a question of when.

The two likeliest scenarios remain true. The first is what happened with the NBA's Collins could happen in the NFL. A player toward the end of his career comes out while a free agent or just after signing with a team.

The other possibility is a high-profile player in college is openly gay and has discussed this in media interviews for years. By the time he's picked high in the NFL draft, his sexuality has been so discussed and analyzed that no one cares.

And that is the goal. Reach a day when no one will care.

* * * * *

NFL Prospect Michael Sam Comes Out as Gay — Big Tests Loom for Him, League

By Mike Freeman , NFL National Lead Writer Feb 9, 2014

 

Joe Robbins/Getty Images 

One of the last barriers of bigotry in all of professional sports will soon fall: Former Missouri star defensive end Michael Sam, an All-American and the SEC Defensive Player of the Year, has come out as gay.

Sam is expected to be a high-round draft pick in May, which would set a series of historic firsts in motion. He would be the first openly gay player drafted. Since most high-round picks make NFL rosters, he'd also likely be the first openly gay player in NFL history.

"I came to tell the world that I'm an openly, proud gay man," he told Chris Connelly of ESPN's Outside The Lines Sunday night.

“Michael has shown great courage in taking this step and not only do we support him, we are incredibly grateful. His decision to welcome us all into his world as he embarks upon a professional NFL career is an honorable one. This moment will resonate in a unique and important way for countless people, particularly LGBT youth,” said human rights activist Brendon Ayanbadejo, the former Baltimore Ravens player who has been advising Sam. Ayanbadejo is a member of the Athlete Ally Board of Directors, a group that fights homophobia in sports.

The announcement sets up a number of tests for the league, for Sam and for his fellow players.

For one, there will be a dizzying scouting combine that starts Feb. 19 in Indianapolis, which Sam is expected to attend. No draft prospect in the history of the combine has been dissected or discussed like he will be. 

 
Brandon Wade/Associated Press

If Sam does attend, the combine will become one of the most heavily covered sports events in recent years because it would no longer be a sports-centric story. It will be talked about across the media spectrum.

One general manager told Bleacher Report that Sam will be a true test of whether the NFL is actually open to all kinds of players. He believes that if Sam falls past the third round, then "something stinks. Because this guy is easily a high-rounder."

Bleacher Report NFL Draft Lead Writer Matt Miller agrees that Sam's talents should result in his getting picked in an early round.

"As a player, Michael Sam was one of the most impactful defenders in college football last season," Miller said. "Playing left defensive end, he was able to produce All-American numbers by using his quickness off the ball and high-level instincts. The tape shows a smaller pass-rusher with good agility, but (at 6'2", 255 pounds) he might struggle to find a true position in the NFL...The production and burst are easy to fall in love with, though. Teams needing an outside pass-rusher will like the tools he brings and his developmental potential as a player."

The NFL released a statement to Bleacher Report saying: "We admire Michael Sam's honesty and courage. Michael is a football player. Any player with ability and determination can succeed in the NFL. We look forward to welcoming and supporting Michael Sam in 2014."

Sam will have to withstand being the center of attention outside and inside the locker room. And many believe his teammates may have a hard time accepting him.

The NFL reiterated it has a workplace conduct policy that prohibits discrimination of any kind. A portion of the collective bargaining agreement also states: "There will be no discrimination in any form against any player by the NFL, the Management Council, any Club or by the NFLPA because of race, religion, national origin, sexual orientation, or activity or lack of activity on behalf of the NFLPA."

The historic nature of this cannot be overstated. An openly gay player in America's most popular sport has the potential to change a great deal all across the sports world. Gay NFL players—as well as players in other sports—have come out after they retired but never during their career, or, as Sam is doing, as their NFL career is beginning.

Sam's declaration has the potential to open other fronts on this issue as well. It can make current closeted NFL athletes less fearful. It could provide support to younger athletes, in high school or younger, that they don't have to deny their sexuality.

Sam told ESPN that he knew from a young age that he was gay.

"It shouldn't be a big problem" to people, Sam said.

"I want to be a football player in the NFL," he added.

When asked how he thought his future NFL teammates would feel, Sam said, "It shouldn't matter."

"I'm not afraid of who I am."

Sam told his team some time ago he was gay. The team in turn not only had no problem with Sam's sexuality, they protected him. One Missouri player told Miller: "98 percent of the NFL could care less about someone being gay. It's the two percent that make us look bad."

The player added, "I got his back."

The reaction from NFL players, team executives and league officials queried by Bleacher Report was mostly positive but also cautious. Some of the players did not want to be identified out of fear of repercussions from the league.

What all agreed on was that Sam would face immense pressure. While Sam won't be the first openly gay player to try to make an NFL team, he will undoubtedly be the first to earn a roster spot, and most assuredly be the highest-profile player to do so.

In many ways, this is a huge test of the NFL's belief that an openly gay player would suffer no discrimination in the sport. This is a belief that has been privately stated by some NFL officials for years. Yet other officials believed the league is still some three to five years away from being able to handle an openly gay player.

One player called Sam the "gay Jackie Robinson." Yes, that is pressure. (Though the better comparison might not be Robinson, but instead, Charles Follis, one of the NFL's first black players.)

The disagreement begins with the question of how Sam will be treated. One veteran player said Sam will be welcome in most locker rooms and will have few problems. Another player said that "half of the NFL's locker rooms will accept him and half won't. It's a roll of the dice whether he would be accepted or not."

A third player explicitly said that he felt the player would face bigotry no matter what team he played for because homophobia still is common in the NFL despite the league's best attempts to eliminate it. The player said Sam "would be targeted by players on the field and fans off of it."

"Just look at the Dolphins and (Richie) Incognito," said the player. Text messages between Incognito and Jonathan Martin featured repeated use of gay slurs. The player also pointed out what happened in Minnesota to former Vikings punter Chris Kluwe. Kluwe alleged he was released because of his outspokenness on gay issues and that his position coach repeatedly used gay slurs. The Vikings deny this.

Players also point to interviews done by the NFL Network's Andrea Kremer in which players state pessimism about how the first openly gay player would be treated. 

 

Rogelio V. Solis/Associated Press

"There's such a stigma with gay and homosexuals within male sports," said Washington linebacker London Fletcher to Kremer. "It would be very difficult for that first person to come out."

New Orleans linebacker Jonathan Vilma told Kremer, "I think that he would not be accepted as much as we think he would be accepted, I don't want people to just naturally assume, like, 'Oh, we're all homophobic.' That's really not the case. Imagine if he's the guy next to me and, you know, I get dressed, naked, taking a shower, the whole nine, and it just so happens he looks at me. How am I supposed to respond?"

"That attitude is more prevalent in NFL locker rooms than you think," one of the players interviewed by Bleacher Report said.

The comments to the NFL Network follow the strong anti-gay remarks made by San Francisco 49er Chris Culliver at last year's Super Bowl. Also, at last year's combine, at least one team asked several players were asked if they liked women.

Team and league officials interviewed vehemently disagree that the NFL is homophobic. One team executive said Sam would be "the most protected player in NFL history" because neither the team he goes to nor the league itself would want anything to happen to Sam.

"Imagine how humiliated the league would be if the first openly gay player to be in the NFL suffered from extreme bigotry?," the team official said.

A league official said the NFL is ready for a gay player and that teams and players would treat Sam like any other player.

When Sam this past season was named the conference Defensive Player of the Year, he was the first player from the Missouri program to earn the honor since tackle Jeff Gaylord was Big Eight defensive player of the year in 1981. Sam doing the same about 35 years later was considered a great piece of history.

But that pales to what Sam has done now.

Did Anyone Really Expect the Star of "Duck Dynasty" to Be a Liberal Regarding Same-Sex Couples?

Honestly, I had never even heard of Duck Dynasty until last week when someone gave a DVD of the show as a White Elephant gift where I work. Then, the very next day, all hell breaks loose because the redneck star of the show, Phil Robertson, who is vocally pro-God and pro-guns, said in an interview with GQ that he thinks same-sex couples are sinful and might lead to beastiality (he made the implication there without stating directly what he meant: "Start with homosexual behavior and just morph out from there").

Was anyone, other the execs at A&E, surprised he felt this way? 

The man is living in a very traditional, nearly pre-modern world, so of course he holds traditionally conservative positions in line with his fundamentalist faith. Robertson is pro-God and pro-guns, as well as harboring a dislike for modern technology (he proudly admits that he does not own a cellphone or a computer).

The people at Duck Dynasty and A&E surely knew his beliefs when they created the show four seasons ago, before it became the most watched non-fiction television show in cable history. Still, on December 18, 2013, A&E announced that it was suspending Phil Robertson from the show indefinitely due to comments he made in the GQ interview.

Seriously?

What happened to freedom of speech? 

There is actually an opportunity here to have a real national conversation on values and beliefs, but A&E has crushed it by censoring their star and distancing themselves from him and his beliefs.

Why couldn't A&E just make the usual disclaimers, "the views and opinions of Phil Robertson do not reflect the views and opinions of A&E or its staff." Done. THEN we could have a discussion on why people who live in the south tend to be so much more socially conservative than the coastal states. Or we could be discussing the Political Correctness Police who seem intolerant of those who are not liberal progressives.

As Larry Alex Taunton stated in The Atlantic:

Tolerance is not the same thing as acceptance, and acceptance is not the same thing as an endorsement. The message A&E’s decision sends is that there is zero tolerance on television for Christians who are conscientious objectors to homosexuality. More than that, it implicitly suggests that the campaign for tolerance has advanced to a campaign to pressure 45 percent of Americans to recant their beliefs and endorse a lifestyle to which they are opposed, conscience be damned.

We stand at a crossroads. The country must decide. Is the endgame here to be that orthodox Christians will henceforth have no voice within their own culture? If so, does this mean we have become a nation of bullies, forcing conformity while calling it tolerance?

I agree with these sentiments. While I think Robertson's beliefs are archaic and promote inequality, I fully defend his right to believe and say what he feels in his heart.

When we begin trying to force everyone to believe the same things, we are entering into a kind tyranny.

Awesome - it's nice to see a company that makes billions (Nike owner Phil Knight is worth about $16 billion all by himself) donate a couple of hundred thousand dollars to a worthy cause. If Knight would personally donate once to this cause in the same manner he does for University of Oregon athletics (he's given them $300 million over the years), he could reach the whole country and not just people who wear Nike shoes or are sports fans.

Nike Uses #BeTrue Campaign To Make $200,000 Donation To LGBT Sports Coalition

By Travis Waldron on November 1, 2013


CREDIT: Nike

Earlier this year, Nike, the world’s largest sporting apparel company and an absolute icon in sports, launched a line of shoes and other products meant to promote LGBT equality in sports. The #BeTrue line wasn’t just a marketing ploy from Nike, since it also pledged to donate all proceeds from the shoes and clothing line to the LGBT Sports Coalition, which is fighting to end homophobia in sports by 2016.

In October, that promise came to fruition when Nike donated $200,000 to the coalition. The donation, according to Campus Pride, one of the groups affiliated with the coalition, is the first-ever made to the LGBT Sports Coalition and the largest Nike’s employee network has ever made to an LGBT cause. The funds will go to support all of the projects the coalition has worked on since Nike sponsored the first-ever LGBT Sports Summit at its headquarters in June 2012, the same year it launched the #BeTrue apparel line.

“Today we need more corporations to speak up and take a stand against anti-LGBT bias and bullying in sports,” said Shane Windmeyer, executive director of Campus Pride, said in the release. And I think that’s a key point that Nike’s partnership here is going to drive home.

That a huge company like Nike jumped to the front of efforts to fight homophobia in sports might seem radical, the actual strategy isn’t. The shoes and clothes Nike produced to market the cause fit squarely into a trend in sports fashion that was already pushing the boundaries of acceptability and comfort for the stereotypical straight male athlete. That trend — Grantland’s Wesley Morris has called it “the quiet queering of professional sports” — has blurred lines between men and women and what might be perceived as unacceptable or gay or simply weird.

What Nike has done is take that trend and run with it. Inclusivity has always been a staple of Nike’s advertising, and now it’s expanding that to an LGBT audience that has often been left out of the sports world. It’s promoting its #BeTrue line and endorsing athletes like Brittney Griner and letting her market men’s clothes for the company, all the while telling sports fans and apparel buyers that it’s cool to be who they are, no matter whether they’re part of the LGBT audience, sympathizing with the LGBT audience, or someone who just likes the shoes. At the same time, they’re going one step farther, not just preaching that message but putting considerable weight behind the causes that matter to that audience too.

That obviously gives Nike ample business opportunities. But a more equal sports world is in and of itself a better business opportunity for everyone involved. That’s what Nike’s involvement here is saying, and judging by the actions of other companies, including Nike’s competitors — Adidas endorsed Oregon’s marriage equality amendment two weeks ago — that message is starting to sink in to the corporations Campus Pride and the LGBT Sports Coalition are asking to step up.

British Neo-Pro Soccer Players Much More Accepting of Gay Teammates

In Britain, researchers spoke to 22 young men (age 16-18) on the verge of becoming professional soccer players (footballers). What they found was that all the participants would openly accept one of their colleagues coming out. All of the participants in the study identified as heterosexual and come from the lower to upper working class families.

In the last study to look at this issue (2002), Professor Eric Anderson, of the University of Winchester (who is one of the three co-authors of the new research) found that gay male athletes were tolerated by teammates, "as long as they played the sport well." However, there were no findings of active "support."

This is good to see - British football has traditionally been pretty homophobic, although not quite as much so as U.S. football (not soccer).

This shift seems to speak to the more open and accepting perspectives of the millennial generation, young people who have grown up with gay men and lesbian women in their daily lives. Exposure to people who are "other" reduces the sense of otherness and they become "like me," which is the key to acceptance.

Full Citation:
R. Magrath, E. Anderson, S. Roberts. (2013, Jul 30). On the door-step of equality: Attitudes toward gay athletes among academy-level footballers. International Review for the Sociology of Sport, 48(4), 1-18. DOI: 10.1177/1012690213495747

You can read the whole paper at Academia.edu or at the Sage Publications site. For now, here is the abstract followed by a summary of the press release from Science Daily.

Abstract
In this semi-structured interview research, we investigate the attitudes of 22 academy level association football (soccer) players who are potentially on the verge of becoming professional athletes. We find that, as a result of these men belonging to a generation holding inclusive attitudes towards homosexuality, independent of whether they maintain contact with gay men, they are unanimously supportive of gay men coming out on their team. Thus, this research supports a growing body of literature suggesting that team sport culture is no longer a bastion of homophobia in the UK. Their support includes athletes being unconcerned with sharing rooms with gay players, changing with them in the locker rooms, or relating to them on a social and emotional level. The only apprehension they maintain is that having a gay teammate might somewhat alter homosocial banter, as they would not want to offend that individual.

* * * * *

Generational Shift in Attitudes Among Young Soccer Players Towards Gay Teammates

Aug. 27, 2013 — Young soccer players (footballers) on the verge of becoming professionals are now much more likely to be supportive of gay teammates than a decade ago, according to new research from sociologists at the universities of Kent and Winchester.

Conducted via interviews with 22 Premier League academy footballers aged 16-18, the research found that all the participants would openly accept one of their colleagues coming out.

The research, led by Dr Steven Roberts, of the University of Kent's School of Social Policy, Sociology and Social Research, and Professor Eric Anderson, of the University of Winchester's Faculty of Business, Law and Sport, made use of intermittent interviews over a four-month period between November 2012 and February 2013.

All the participants identified themselves as heterosexual in their interview and all said they were from a lower to upper working class background. The study results showed a marked difference in acceptance of gay teammates compared to the findings of the last such study, carried out a decade ago.

Dr Roberts said: 'The interview results were broadly consistent with other recent research on young British men of their age in that these men showed no overt animosity towards gay men.

'In fact, they were more than tolerant and showed an inclusive attitude toward the hypothetical situation of having a gay teammate, best friend or roommate reveal their sexuality. The results are clear: among the 22 future footballers we interviewed, all were unbothered by the issue of gays in sport.

'This indicated a marked shift in perception from the last study. Although there was some evidence then that attitudes were changing, there has been a generational shift over the last decade. Lads now are saying "we would openly support and accept one of our colleagues coming out." '

The last similar research into the attitudes of young sportsmen was carried out in 2002 by Professor Eric Anderson, of the University of Winchester, one of the three co-authors of the new research. His study found that gay male athletes were tolerated by teammates, 'as long as they played the sport well'. However, there were no findings of active 'support'.

Professor Anderson said: 'Recent comments by Robbie Rogers, the former Leeds United footballer who came out but then left the English game to return to play in the US, suggested he didn't know how easy it would have been to make the transition.

'However, our research does suggest that attitudes in the locker room among young British players would lay the foundation for a player to be able to come out.'

Nice parody of what some people still believe - from The Onion, of course.

After Careful Deliberation, Baby Goes With Homosexuality

ISSUE 49•22 • May 30, 2013

EDMOND, OK—Following weeks of deliberation during which he carefully considered what sort of life he wanted for himself, 4-month-old baby Nathan Reynolds announced Wednesday that he had decided to be homosexual.

“I thought about it for a long time,” said Reynolds, who took into account both how his peers would view him and how he would be treated by society at large before determining his sexual orientation. “I weighed the pros and cons of homosexuality, and ultimately I decided that it was the right thing for me.”

The 16-week-old infant, who admitted that he was fully aware of the negative consequences associated with choosing to be attracted to members of the same sex, claimed that he was now prepared to go through life struggling with rejection, intolerance, and unprovoked hostility.

In addition, Reynolds confirmed that he opted for homosexuality despite very serious concerns about sustaining permanent psychological damage from a lack of acceptance from family members and fearing the stigma of publicly displaying affection for another man.

“Of course, I wasn’t certain of anything at first, but when I finally made up my mind to be gay, I was conscious of the fact that loved ones would repeatedly tell me that I’m not normal,” said the 4-month-old baby who made the decision before reaching the developmental milestone of head control. “Even though I’ll be subjected to ignorant homophobic attitudes and countless anti-gay slurs, the choice of homosexuality really works for me.”

Reynolds, like all infants when they reach the ages between 2 and 10 months old, was intent on determining his sexual orientation, emphasizing that his decision was “just a lifestyle choice and nothing more.” While every baby reportedly makes a commitment to being heterosexual, homosexual, or transgender, Reynolds revealed that each infant has different reasons for their decision, explaining that gay felt like a good fit for his personality and disposition.

“My selection of a sexual preference was the product of a great deal of self-reflection,” said the newly homosexual infant, who added that he reached his decision completely on his own and was not influenced by his genetic makeup or any circumstances beyond his control. “If my sexuality means I get bullied at school, or that I end up feeling unloved and shunned for my entire life, or that I don’t receive equal protection under the law, then obviously that will be my own fault.”

Reynolds reportedly acknowledged that heterosexuality would have had some benefits, such as the universal right to marriage, the ability to adopt children without fear of scrutiny, and the feeling of being validated by his religion. However, the 16-week-old infant said that, in the end, he had decided to identify with a small minority that lacks many basic rights.

“Who knows? Maybe I’ll even change my mind at some point,” said Reynolds, explaining that he can, at any time, freely choose whom he is attracted to. “If I wake up one day and don’t want to be gay anymore, then I can just switch to being heterosexual, easy as that.”

“After all, it’s not like I’m stuck with this decision for the rest of my life,” Reynolds added.

Straight People Answering A Question Gay People Have Been Asked For Years

Most everyone has seen this video already, but I wanted to make sure it's archived here for posterity - I found it through Upworthy, they found it at Wipe Out Homophobia.

If more straight folk thought about this question and their answer, there might be a whole lot more understanding that being gay (or bi, or straight, or poly) is not a choice or a decision - it's who a person is, at birth, as nature intended.

Watch These Straight People Answer A Question Gay People Have Been Asked For Years

Watching these straight people react to being asked a question that gay people have been asked forever is pretty delightful. If only more people were this empathetic and understanding...

Posted by Rebecca Eisenberg


ORIGINAL: By Travis Nuckolls and Chris Baker (follow Chris on Twitter). Found on Wipe Out Homophobia.

Jason Collins - "I'm a 34-year-old NBA center. I'm black. And I'm gay"

Collins (right) guarding Shaq

It was going to happen at some point, and now it has - a male athlete in one of the four big team sports (MLB, NFL, NBA, NHL) has come out and will go forward living as an openly gay man. Congratulations to Jason Collins for choosing to be himself, and feeling comfortable enough to do so.

But Collins is 34 years old, and he is a perennial backup center in a sport where big men are often done at his age - and he is free agent. The big question is whether or not he will be on an NBA roster next season. If not, his coming out will still be a good thing, but we not yet know how an openly gay athlete will be accepted in the locker room.

Here is some of the Sports Illustrated article:

By its nature, my double life has kept me from getting close to any of my teammates. Early in my career I worked hard at acting straight, but as I got more comfortable in my straight mask it required less effort. In recent days, though, little has separated "mask on, mask off." Personally, I don't like to dwell in someone else's private life, and I hope players and coaches show me the same respect. When I'm with my team I'm all about working hard and winning games. A good teammate supports you no matter what.

I've been asked how other players will respond to my announcement. The simple answer is, I have no idea. I'm a pragmatist. I hope for the best, but plan for the worst. The biggest concern seems to be that gay players will behave unprofessionally in the locker room. Believe me, I've taken plenty of showers in 12 seasons. My behavior wasn't an issue before, and it won't be one now. My conduct won't change. I still abide by the adage, "What happens in the locker room stays in the locker room." I'm still a model of discretion.

As I write this, I haven't come out to anyone in the NBA. I'm not privy to what other players say about me. Maybe Mike Miller, my old teammate in Memphis, will recall the time I dropped by his house in Florida and say, "I enjoyed being his teammate, and I sold him a dog." I hope players swap stories like that. Maybe they'll talk about my character and what kind of person I am.

As far as the reaction of fans, I don't mind if they heckle me. I've been booed before. There have been times when I've wanted to boo myself. But a lot of ill feelings can be cured by winning.

I'm a veteran, and I've earned the right to be heard. I'll lead by example and show that gay players are no different from straight ones. I'm not the loudest person in the room, but I'll speak up when something isn't right. And try to make everyone laugh.

I've never sought the spotlight. Though I'm coming out to the world, I intend to guard my privacy. I'm making this blanket statement in part to keep rumors and misunderstandings at bay. I hope fans will respect me for raising my hand. And I hope teammates will remember that I've never been an in-your-face kind of guy. All you need to know is that I'm single. I see no need to delve into specifics.
I've been asked how other players will respond to my announcement. The simple answer is, I have no idea. I'm a pragmatist. I hope for the best, but plan for the worst.

Look at what happened in the military when the Don't Ask, Don't Tell policy was repealed. Critics of the repeal were sure that out military members would devastate morale and destroy civilization. But a new study conducted by scholars from every branch of the armed forces except the Coast Guard concluded that "cohesion did not decline after the new policy of open service was put into place. In fact, greater openness and honesty resulting from repeal seem to have promoted increased understanding, respect and acceptance."

The same goes for sports. Doc Rivers, my coach on the Celtics, says, "If you want to go quickly, go by yourself -- if you want to go farther, go in a group." I want people to pull together and push ahead.

Openness may not completely disarm prejudice, but it's a good place to start. It all comes down to education. I'll sit down with any player who's uneasy about my coming out. Being gay is not a choice. This is the tough road and at times the lonely road. Former players like Tim Hardaway, who said "I hate gay people" (and then became a supporter of gay rights), fuel homophobia. Tim is an adult. He's entitled to his opinion. God bless America. Still, if I'm up against an intolerant player, I'll set a pretty hard pick on him. And then move on.

The most you can do is stand up for what you believe in. I'm much happier since coming out to my friends and family. Being genuine and honest makes me happy.

At The Atlantic, there is a good response to this story.

Why Jason Collins's Coming Out Is Such a Big Deal

Everyone's been waiting for a major male sports star to make a move like this. Here's why it's so much harder for men than for women.

GARANCE FRANKE-RUTA

APR 29 2013

Washington Wizards' Jason Collins (L) goes to the basket against Chicago Bulls' Taj Gibson during the first half of their NBA basketball game in Chicago, April 17, 2013. (Jim Young/Reuters)

Female professional athletes are already gender non-conforming. Male ones are still worshiped as exemplars of traditional masculinity. Extremely sporty women have to fight stereotyping that they are lesbians and ignore all manner of unkind commentary about how they are mannish, while sporty men are seen as participating in a form of the masculine ideal.

This is the backdrop to why N.B.A. center Jason Collins' revelations in a Sport Illustrated piece today that he is gay are such a big deal -- and why it is that similar recent revelations from the this year's W.N.B.A. Number 1 draft pickBrittney Griner were greeted in mid-April with a collective yawn.

Women who play professional sports are grown-up versions of what we still to this day call "tomboys," a linguistic relic of our cognitive inability to see outdoorsy, competitive, rough-and-tumble behavior as inherently and naturally female, as well as male. Remember when people were speculating that then Supreme Court-nominee Elena Kagan was a lesbian just because she played on a softball team? "Sorry, softball=lesbian," wrote Brian Moylan in Gawker. (Yeah, that still happens.) Team sports have about them something martial or manly, which means that female team sports are often seen as butch activities. Meanwhile, men who participate in activities like gymnastics or ice skating are often stereotyped as gay; even though they are athletes, they are taking part in something more feminine. As King Kaufman observed in Salon in 2002: "The average American sports fan, watching the Olympic men's figure skating competition, probably figured that most of the contestants were gay." He then went on to debunk this assumption in a conversation with U.S. Olympic medalist Rudy Galindo, "the first actively competing figure skater who was out as being gay."

There have been many female athletes who have come out of the closet and been pioneers. Tennis great Billie Jean King. Tennis player Martina Navratilova. WNBA player Sheryl Swoopes, the "female Michael Jordan." Soccer midfielderMegan Rapinoe. Most recently, we had the example of college basketball phenom Griner. Her casual mention earlier this year that she's gay was greeted with aNew York Times story headlined, "Female Star Comes Out as Gay, and Sports World Shrugs." Why was her declaration seen as not such a big deal? Because she was female, according to the paper of record.

"It was an odd juxtaposition," the paper's Sam Borden wrote, "as there is increased speculation about whether a male athlete -- any male athlete -- will come out while still playing a major professional team sport, one of the best female athletes in the history of team sports comes out, and the reaction is roughly equivalent to what one might see when a baseball manager reveals his starting rotation for a three-game series in July."

The reality is that by becoming a top-ranking female basketball player, Griner had already done hard work violating gender norms and was already seen as a gender outlier. "In sports right now, there are two different stereotypes -- that there are no gay male athletes, and every female athlete is a lesbian," Patrick Burke of the gay sports advocacy group You Can Play told the Times. "We've had tremendous success in getting straight male players to speak to the issue; we're having a tougher time finding straight female athletes speaking on this issue because they've spent their entire careers fighting the perception that they're a lesbian."

But a traditionally masculine man, playing a traditionally masculine team sport -- and he's gay? Well, that's news.