Showing posts with label insecurity. Show all posts
Showing posts with label insecurity. Show all posts

Thursday, May 29, 2014

New Insights Into Why Some Men Assault Women


New research reveals what many of us have known for years - men who are insecure in their masculinity are more likely to commit intimate partner violence. This is article is particularly relevant to the killings at UCSB on Friday of last week. That young man was incredibly insecure in his masculinity, not to mention in his sense of self as a whole.

Granted, most men who fit this profile do not progress beyond beating and/or emotionally abusing their partners, but fueled by grandiosity and delusions, with some misogyny from the MRAs and PUAs thrown in to make it even more toxic, Elliott Rodger exemplifies the most extreme end of the violence curve -  it's no longer a woman, it's all women; and it's no longer physical abuse, it's murder (and torture in his fantasies).

The article appears (will appear - this is an "online early" offering, likely due to the killings in Isla Vista) in Personality and Individual Differences (Volume 68, October 2014, Pages 160–164). The abstract is followed by a summary of the research from Pacific Standard (the article is pay-walled).

Full Citation:
Reidy, DE,  Berke, DS, Gentile, B, and Zeichner, A. (2014, Oct). Man enough? Masculine discrepancy stress and intimate partner violence. Personality and Individual Differences; 68, Pages 160–164. doi: 10.1016/j.paid.2014.04.021

Man enough? Masculine discrepancy stress and intimate partner violence

Dennis E. Reidya, Danielle S. Berkeb, Brittany Gentileb, Amos Zeichner

Highlights
  • Masculine socialization has been theorized to predispose men to IPV.
  • However, gender role discrepancy stress has not been investigated.
  • Gender role discrepancy stress and IPV were assessed via the M-Turk website.
  • Discrepancy stress predicted psychological, physical, and sexual IPV.
  • Implications for prevention are discussed.
Abstract

Research on gender roles suggests that men who strongly adhere to traditional masculine gender norms are at increased risk for the perpetration of violent and abusive acts toward their female intimate partners. Yet, gender norms alone fail to provide a comprehensive explanation of the multifaceted construct of intimate partner violence (IPV) and there is theoretical reason to suspect that men who fail to conform to masculine roles may equally be at risk for IPV. In the present study, we assessed effect of masculine discrepancy stress, a form of distress arising from perceived failure to conform to socially-prescribed masculine gender role norms, on IPV. Six-hundred men completed online surveys assessing their experience of discrepancy stress, masculine gender role norms, and history of IPV. Results indicated that masculine discrepancy stress significantly predicted men’s historical perpetration of IPV independent of other masculinity related variables. Findings are discussed in terms of potential distress engendered by masculine socialization as well as putative implications of gender role discrepancy stress for understanding and intervening in partner violence perpetrated by men.

* * * * * * * * *

New Insights Into Why Some Men Assault Women

By Tom Jacobs • May 28, 2014


http://d1435t697bgi2o.cloudfront.net/wp-content/uploads/2014/05/ucsb-lagoon.jpg
A view over the University of California-Santa Barbara's lagoon to one of the Channel Islands. (Photo: Superchilum/Wikimedia Commons)


For some, the sense that they are not sufficiently masculine leads to stress, and ultimately to striking out at the women closest to them.
Last weekend’s tragic events outside the University of California-Santa Barbara, have ignited an impassioned national conversation about misogyny, male anger, and violence against women. Timely new research suggests physical abuse against wives and girlfriends may be triggered by a specific psychological state: The emotional stress that can result when males perceive themselves as less masculine than their peers and cultural role models.

A research team led by Dennis Reidy, a violence-prevention scholar at the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention in Atlanta, refers to this as “discrepancy stress,” and defines it as “a form of distress arising from perceived failure to conform to socially prescribed masculine gender role norms.”

In the journal Personality and Individual Differences, the researchers present evidence of a link between this type of stress and interpersonal violence, even “independent of other masculinity related variables.”

Along with three colleagues from the University of Georgia, Reidy conducted a study of 600 heterosexual American men who were recruited online. Along with basic demographic information, study participants responded to a series of statements revealing how they view their own masculinity.

On a one-to-seven scale, they expressed their level of agreement or disagreement with such statements as “I am less masculine than the average guy,” “I worry that people judge me because I’m not like the typical man,” and “I wish I was more manly.”

In addition, they noted the extent to which they endorse traditional gender roles, and the “degree of conflict” they encounter when such roles are challenged. Finally, they reported the extent to which they have engaged in “psychological, physical, or sexually violent behavior” with their current partner, most recent partner, or past partners.

The key result: Men who felt stress over their perceived inadequate level of masculinity were more likely to have admitted abusing their partners, even after a variety of other factors were taken into consideration.

“Men who experience stress related to perceiving themselves as being less masculine than the typical man—or believing that they are perceived as such by others—may be more likely to interpret ambiguous interactions as challenges to their masculinity,” Reidy and his colleagues write.

“Thus, it would be reasonable to expect that these men would be more likely to respond in a manner intended to demonstrate and, perhaps, bolster their masculine status.”

Acts of physical violence, they chillingly add, are “common methods of demonstrating masculinity.”

The researchers found that men who did not fit into traditional masculine roles but felt comfortable about that were not, on average, more likely to abuse their partners. Rather, violent behavior was specifically linked to the “experience of distress” over one’s perceived lack of masculinity.

The researchers add several cautionary notes to their study. They concede that self-reports of interpersonal violence may not be entirely accurate, as some men surely underreported how often they engage in such activity. In addition, their study does not address women-on-men violence or violence among same-sex couples.

Finally, the correlation they found is not proof of causation. It’s conceivable (although not likely) that committing acts of violence against women led them to doubt their masculinity, rather than the other way around.

These caveats aside, their study provides new insights into the roots of male-on-female violence, and may point toward ways of preventing it. Such efforts “should focus on the role of masculine socialization, acceptance of gender norms, and how they may engender distress in adolescents and adult men,” the researchers write.

“Intervening at an early age to prevent violence in teen dating relationships may avert a series of consequences across the lifespan,” they conclude, “including the perpetration of interpersonal violence in future adult relationships.”


~ Staff writer Tom Jacobs is a veteran journalist with more than 20 years experience at daily newspapers. He has served as a staff writer for The Los Angeles Daily News and the Santa Barbara News-Press. His work has also appeared in The Los Angeles Times, Chicago Tribune, and Ventura County Star.

More From Tom Jacobs

Saturday, October 19, 2013

Lisa Firestone, Ph.D. - What's Getting in the Way of Your Sex Life

Dr. Lisa Firestone is the co-author of Sex and Love in Intimate Relationships (2008) and the Compassion Matters blog at Psychology Today, as well as several other books, including The Self Under Siege: A Therapeutic Model for Differentiation (2012) and Creating a Life of Meaning and Compassion: The Wisdom of Psychotherapy (2003).

This is an interesting, though brief, post on the challenges we all can face in our sex lives over time and as we age.

What's Getting in the Way of Your Sex Life

Why our sexuality changes and what to do about it

Published on October 15, 2013 by Lisa Firestone, Ph.D. in Compassion Matters

Your sexuality can change a lot throughout one lifetime. It can even change a lot throughout one relationship. Some of these changes can be for the better. Others can feel like they're for the worse. When these changes occur, many men and women tend to take the wrong course of action, shutting up or shutting down. You may shy away from talking to your partner or pull away from a physical relationship you valued. You might lose interest in sex altogether or turn against yourself and your body. When people face these challenges, what they'll often find is that talking about sex, while it may feel uncomfortable at first, can be the key to maintaining a healthy sex life and a positive sense of one's own sexuality.

So what are some of the changes that impact a person's sex life? These shifts can be physical or related to age. They can even be caused by medications that strongly affect one's sexual feelings and performance. Although these are often natural alterations that our bodies go through over time, people tend to view them as embarrassing or something to be kept secret. However, the opposite is true.

Talking about these changes, be it with your partner, a friend or your doctor can lead to more understanding and self-compassion and allows you to maintain a satisfying sex life. As your body changes, you can choose to take a healthy approach to these shifts without turning on yourself and giving in to your "critical inner voices," allowing them to tear you down or make you feel insecure. It's important not to listen to what your inner critic tells you about these changes or to allow yourself to shut the door on your sexuality.

In addition to physical adjustments, people of all ages often face an onslaught of psychological influences that can hurt their sexuality. This can have a lot to do with the critical inner voice, which every person possesses. When it comes to sexuality a person's inner critic often comments on their performance, their bodies or what their partner is feeling or not feeling. This "voice" keeps people in their heads instead of in their bodies.

When it comes to sex, most people tend to feel there are a lot of "supposed to's," as if they are supposed to perform this way or feel that way in a sexual encounter. These expectations are fueled by the critical inner voice and can lead people to feel self-conscious, insecure or disconnected when being physically affectionate. Many people can also be critical of their appearance, viewing themselves as too old/fat/unattractive/uncomfortable for sex. With all its input, your inner critic can negatively influence your sexual relationships and eventually prove the false notion that passionate relationships can't last long-term.

The truth is that intimate relationships don't have to lose their excitement. However, as people get closer, they tend to struggle with maintaining an alive and satisfying sexual relationship. Many people find it difficult to combine emotional intimacy and deep loving feelings with passionate sexuality. One reason this can occur, albeit mostly unconsciously, is that old issues from their past begin to surface. People may even start to experience "critical inner voices" about their sexuality that hold familiar themes from their past. For example, if you were hurt or rejected by the people who cared for you, you may have grown up feeling there is something wrong with you on a bodily level. You may have thoughts like "you are so unattractive, he/she is repulsed by you." If you felt a lack of affection as kids, you may feel desperate for affection as an adult, having thoughts like "you need to be aggressive. he/she is not going to come toward you." If you felt intruded on, you may have a tendency to pull away when someone gets close, thinking "he/she is so hungry towards you; you don't really want this."

When people start to get into their heads during sex, they lose a sense of connectedness to their partner. When they feel this distance, the sexual experience often doesn't feel as satisfying or worthwhile. With their head flooded with self-critiques and attacks on their partner, they may start to think about just getting through the sexual situation instead of enjoying it. Emotional closeness is the most important aspect of physical intimacy. Therefore, it becomes all the more important to bring your struggles to light and talk about what's going on.

When changes occur in you, be them physical or emotional, it can also affect your partner's feelings about him or herself. It may trigger critical inner voices in them like, you are bored with them or that they're unattractive to you, etc. Talking to your partner and exposing the destructive attitudes of your critical inner voices can bring you back to yourselves and can reestablish the closeness between you and your partner. Closeness, self-esteem and open communication are essential to lasting, healthy sexuality. They are also the biggest factors in sexual satisfaction.

When you open up to your partner about what's going on in your mind in regards to your sexuality, you allow him or her to know you on a deeper level. In a certain sense, conversation can be foreplay, as it allows a couple to feel for each other and get closer. While it may feel awkward or unnatural at first, very often, when they do open up and talk about it, there are major, surprising shifts in a couple's sexual relationship.

Too often, people let years pass without having a conversation about their sexuality. In addition to talking to your partner, you can confide in a close friend or a therapist. It's all too easy to feel alone in your struggles, but you'd be surprised at how many people relate to exactly what you're going through. Staying silent leaves room for your critical inner voices to fester and will make you feel worse and even like giving up on your sexuality. The more you talk, the better you are likely to feel, and the quieter the noise in your head can become.

When it comes to sex, the optimal experience involves feeling emotionally close to your partner, in touch with your body and in the present moment. I have found that by identifying and challenging destructive thought processes or critical inner voices that interfere with closeness and optimal sexual functioning, people can learn to combine love and sexuality and achieve that special combination that is so desirable in an intimate relationship. Taking a chance and talking to your partner can be the first step to achieving this goal.

Read more from Dr. Lisa Firestone at PsychAlive.org

Dr. Lisa Firestone will be presenting a weekend workshop on "Creating a Loving Relationship" Nov. 8-10 in Ojai, CA. The event is open to individuals and couples. Learn more here.

Read Dr. Lisa Firestone's book, Sex and Love in Intimate Relationships.



Thursday, March 7, 2013

Loss Of Virginity More Humiliating Than Original Virginity


For a lot of guys, I suspect there is some real truth in this satire from The Onion. If only there had been REAL sex education classes - not the stuff about how babies are made and "just say no," but real education about sexual response patterns in men and women [boys know nothing about this until they have a girlfriend who teaches them], about intimacy as foreplay, and about ways to be sexual without intercourse.

But of course the religious folks would never tolerate real education about sex - they'd rather shame the young women who get pregnant and seek abortions than do anything that might prevent pregnancy in the first place. And it's all made worse with so many young guys learning about sex from internet porn - dudes, it ain't like that in the real world.

Okay, down from my soapbox - this is funny, and sad, and a lot too true for many of us. It's from 2007, but this is timeless.

Loss Of Virginity More Humiliating Than Original Virginity 
ISSUE 43•47 • Nov 20, 2007

COLUMBUS, OH—The shame, humiliation, and ridicule local teen Brandon Means suffered from being the only member of his peer group still burdened with his own virginity were nothing compared to what he felt on the night he finally lost it, the 17-year-old said Monday. "I have never been so embarrassed in all of my life," Means said of the Saturday night fiasco. After some awkward fumbling, Means prematurely ejaculated, and, while trying to clean the semen off himself and girlfriend Kassi Helms, also 17, with a sock from his bedroom floor, he managed only to smear them both with lint. "There was this moment when I was on top of her and she realized I really didn't know where her [vagina] was, so she kind of had to steer my [penis] inside it, but at that point I was so demoralized that I lost my [erection]." Means added that when he heard his father enter the house, forcing both teenagers to immediately stop and clothe themselves, he had never felt a stronger sense of relief.

Tuesday, January 22, 2013

Andrew Cotto - America Has a Macho Problem


From Huffington Post, Andrew Cotto argues that we are letting a minority of faux tough-guy wanna-be bad-asses dictate our national dialogue on important issues such as guns, the environment, taxes, health care, censorship, immigration, entitlements, military spending, gay rights, abortion, terrorism, and religion.

Here is the meat of the argument:
Most of us are taught from an early age that tough is good. Tough is character. Tough is necessary. Being tough makes you a man. But the truth is that most of us in America never get within an arm's length of real tough. Most of us are just too privileged to be exposed to the conditions which require mettle to survive. Good for us. And some of us appreciate this, but for many young men indoctrinated in the gospel of tough, not being tough leaves them feeling insecure as grown men. This insecurity often manifests in big talk from men with little guts. And many of these men covet power. These are the ones who publicly grandstand but privately cower. 
I think he is correct here in his assessment, but I also think there needs to be a real understanding of this issue, not mere labeling or name-calling, as this article could be easily dismissed for that reason. We need to understand the genesis of that insecurity, and then offer a corrective, not simply a dismissal.

America Has a Macho Problem

Andrew Cotto, Author

America has a macho problem. Too much of our culture is informed by the idea of manhood being defined by toughness. We love the idea of the bad ass as the good guy, doling out physical justice to those who have it coming. The archetypal American "hero" is often promoted through our narratives, particularly our film heroes. Just look at the trailer for the new Tom Cruise film, where the eponymous character of Jack Reacher, from the Lee Child novels, is brought to life. The trailer features a scene where Cruise as Trapper is in the middle of the street surrounded by a posse of apparent bad guys with bad intentions. Cool and collected, Trapper mocks and dismantles his foes with devastating force and ease. Talk about fiction. I imagine this scene is in the very beginning of the film, not part of the primary plot but merely a vehicle for characterization, though it dominates the trailer for a reason: Many men eat this shit up. Too many of them think Clint Eastwood is actually Dirty Harry (based on his attempt to bully a chair that supposedly symbolized our sitting president, Eastwood might actually think he's Dirty Harry, too).

This conflation of tough reality versus tough fantasy is dangerous. Wayne LaPierre, executive vice president and CEO of the National Rifle Association, openly advocates a solution to our fire arms problem with "good guys with guns" shooting the "bad guys with guns." Such a reductive and ignorant purview should be the domain of children in the "Bang! Bang! You're dead" world of youthful imagination. It should not be part of the rhetoric from the nation's most powerful lobby. LaPierre is not alone. Too many of our public figures -- those who seriously influence our culture, conversations, and laws -- have a relationship with violence that is rooted in reductive fantasy. They are novelists, filmmakers, game developers and musicians. They are also radio personalities, politicians, activists and lobbyists. This is one of the rare moments where the traditionally liberal world of entertainment conspires (unwittingly, I'm certain) with factions of the super conservative camps.

It's easy to sell this macho schlock to men because most of us are susceptible when it comes to the idea of toughness. Most of us are taught from an early age that tough is good. Tough is character. Tough is necessary. Being tough makes you a man. But the truth is that most of us in America never get within an arm's length of real tough. Most of us are just too privileged to be exposed to the conditions which require mettle to survive. Good for us. And some of us appreciate this, but for many young men indoctrinated in the gospel of tough, not being tough leaves them feeling insecure as grown men. This insecurity often manifests in big talk from men with little guts. And many of these men covet power. These are the ones who publicly grandstand but privately cower. Their inner impotence turns into outward anger. So some scared men howl belligerence into microphones; and some seek office; and some create fantasy narratives that glamorize violence; and some are lobbyists for gun makers who refuse to budge from their obstinacy even when the "Bang! Bang! You're dead" world of our children is no longer imaginary.

This macho problem is really about bullying. America is being bullied by a loud minority of cowardly men (and some women who share their faux-tough stances). Look how those who lack courage dominate (or attempt to dominate) the conversation on guns, the environment, taxes, health care, censorship, immigration, entitlements, military spending, gay rights, abortion, terrorism, and religion. Look how they poison our progress with absurd stances and a refusal to consider compromise.

The rest of us need to stand up for the greater good. We all have it in us, men and women. With our voices and our votes and our power as consumers, we can steer this country towards a more perfect/less preposterous union where faux-toughness stands down to logic.


~ Follow Andrew Cotto on Twitter: www.twitter.com/andrewcotto

Tuesday, March 20, 2012

Would You Play with Sex Toys to Please Your Partner?

Joe Blair does, and he has written an article about why he does so that originally appeared at Salon. The article was reposted at Alternet, which is where I found it. His argument is based on making his life simpler, which is certainly one way to get traditional guys interested.

But he should be focused on the reality that at least half of all women cannot reach orgasm through intercourse only - so we need to either help out manually, orally, or with toys. Personally, I suggest talking with your partner and she what she likes, and then do that. If she likes a vibrator, so what? Why wouldn't we do whatever it takes to bring her to ecstasy?
Most guys are ashamed to talk about using sex toys in the bedroom. I can tell you from experience -- it's brilliant. 
 
 This story originally appeared at Salon.
 
 The display next to the register reads “Viagra substitute.”

“Do you have anything like this for women?” I ask the cashier, nodding at the display.

“Those are for women,” she says.

I place the vibrating sex toy, which is packed in a plastic container with the words “Diving Dolphin” written in a wavy blue script, on the counter along with my American Express card. It’s been about one week since Deb and I argued at the Wig and Pen. That’s one week without sex.

“They are?” I say. I pick up a package of the Viagra Substitute, which appears to contain two pills. I scan the label. “No,” I say placing the packet of pills back in their box. “They’re for men.”

The cashier removes the Diving Dolphin from its package. It’s a complicated-looking thing with two vibrating eggs, each fitting into separate rubber compartments. She inserts two double A’s and pushes a button on the little plastic control panel. The Diving Dolphin hums loudly. “I might argue,” she says.

I laugh. “Yeah,” I say, “but what I need is something that makes a woman, you know … want to, you know … in the first place.”

“We don’t carry anything like that,” she says. “But I know where you can get something.”

“Where’s that?” I say.

She motions toward the door. “Coralville liquor store,” she says.

“They got something there?” I say.

“Yeah,” she says. “Liquor.”

Most guys don’t want to talk about vibrating sex toys. We’re ashamed. But I don’t know what there is to be ashamed about. If a guy could cut an hour off his commute time, he’d spare no expense to do it. And he wouldn’t be ashamed to tell everyone how he did it. Yet everyone keeps quiet about a vibrating sex toy. The vibrating sex toy is the time-saving device of the century.

There will come a time in your relationship when you will look your wife in the eye and say, “OK. You know I want sex. And I know you want sex. Right? OK. So what do you say we take our clothes off and both just … get the job done. All right? And then we’ll get some sleep. OK? Because I’ve got to be in Cedar Rapids at 7 o’clock tomorrow.” Of course this approach will fail. Your wife will refuse you. No woman wants to hear these things. But just because she doesn’t want to hear these things, doesn’t mean she isn’t amenable to the spirit in which they’re spoken.

A sex toy can do lots of things that your penis can’t do. A vibrating dildo, for example, can remain in the same rigid shape for years upon years. A vibrating dildo can also vibrate. Not a bad trick, I’d say.

I told a friend of mine one time that he really should introduce the idea of the vibrating dildo to his girlfriend. He, of course, didn’t want to talk about it. But I pressed the issue. “You should,” I said.
My buddy said, “Yeah. I’m sure she’d be just thrilled if I pull out some giant plastic thing in the middle of sex.”

“Tell you what,” I said. “I’ll bet you a hundred bucks right now. I’m serious. A hundred bucks. That if you do pull out that giant plastic thing at the right time, she won’t complain at all.”

“OK,” he said, “let’s look at it another way: Say she likes it. Then, when I go at it the old-fashioned way again, it won’t be enough. We’ll have to kick-start the dildo every time. What about that?”

To me, this argument holds no merit. What we’re talking about here is a vibrator. It has no soul. It runs on double A’s. It’s not your rival. It’s your helpmate. Think about the guy who rows out to sea every day. And then, after 10 or 12 hours of fishing, he rows back to shore again. One day, someone hooks him up with an outboard motor. If the guy wants to row, he can row, for Christ’s sake. If, on the other hand, the guy has grown older and he is getting tired of rowing for 50 or 60 minutes from shore to fishing ground and back again, he can go ahead and crank up the Evinrude. His choice.

All the pressure is off. If you’re afraid you won’t be able to make it to the shore, you have your helpmate. If your paddle seems inadequate, you have your helpmate. Your helpmate will never leave you. Your helpmate will never cheat on you. Your helpmate is there for you whenever you need it. All you need to do is remember the double A’s. That’s all.

When I went shopping for my first helpmate, I ended up buying a model that was an exact duplicate of an actual penis. Only larger. And purple. It was embarrassing to look at and to buy. When I brought it to the counter, I couldn’t look the cashier in the eye. As if she had never sold a vibrator before. As if her shop didn’t have 500 different types of vibrators to choose from. Ones with big bumps all along the shaft. Little eggs with remote switches. Gigantic ones with hand cranks.

When I got home with my prize and pulled it out of the bag (right before dinner), Deb seemed put off. She didn’t want to look at it. She didn’t want to think about my fantastic, purple vibrating dildo. She wanted to feed the baby and give him a bath and get him to bed. In hindsight, I know I should have waited. But at the time, it seemed like it was too important to put off. I wanted her to see my vibrating dildo. Our vibrating dildo.

Now that I’m older, I’m much cooler about it. I don’t need to buy the enormous vibrator anymore. I know that a medium-size vibrator will do just fine. I even ask the woman at the counter if she can plug batteries in so I can try it out. I’m like a wine connoisseur checking out an expensive bottle of Bordeaux. “Ah. A fine, tingling vibration on this one. But somewhat lacking on the lower register. Very nice. They’ve done a really nice job with this model. They’re improving. Improving. But I think I’ll pass. This time. Can you bring me another vibrator? Something with more, I don’t know … range? Yes. Exactly. Thanks. You’re a doll.”

I hide the Diving Dolphin in my gym bag. I figure I’ll smuggle it inside and wait for the right moment to produce it.

Joe Blair is a pipe fitter who lives in Iowa with his wife and four children. This essay is adapted from his recently released memoir, "By the Iowa Sea."

Tuesday, January 31, 2012

Does porn make males insecure about bodies?

This article comes from Canada.com - Casey Scheibling, an honors sociology student at Concordia University, is looking at how porn usage impacts the rise in men using pec implants, calf implants, and penile enhancement, all of which are "very aligned with hegemonic or hyper masculinity."

For men who watch porn, it must seem that all men are very well-endowed, can jackhammer a woman for hours without orgasm (no worries that the women often seem to be in pain), and then orgasm like a small geyser. Many of the men, especially in gay porn, look like bodybuilders - highly muscled and very lean. None of these depictions are realistic and must make men (often young men) feel very insecure about their own bodies and performance.
By Donna Nebenzahl, For Postmedia News | January 30, 2012

Scheibling's research will examine the relationship between habitual or chronic porn consumption and excessive body dissatisfaction, says his adviser Marc Lafrance, because the men featured in heterosexual porn -- the subject of the study -- are buff males who perform on demand in a highly mechanized way.

Scheibling's research will examine the relationship between habitual or chronic porn consumption and excessive body dissatisfaction, says his adviser Marc Lafrance, because the men featured in heterosexual porn -- the subject of the study -- are buff males who perform on demand in a highly mechanized way.

Photograph by: Justin Sullivan, Getty Images

MONTREAL — There's more to pornography than how it sexualizes or demeans women, says Casey Scheibling, an honours sociology student at Concordia University.

"Most of the literature on pornography tends to focus on women, and that leaves out half of the people involved."

How, he wonders, do the portrayals of men in pornography influence body and genital satisfaction among male viewers? “I’m not talking about men’s addiction to pornography,” says Scheibling, 23. “I’m more interested in the studies on how pornography consumers make sense of their own masculinity.”

Scheibling’s research will examine the relationship between habitual or chronic porn consumption and excessive body dissatisfaction, says his adviser Marc Lafrance, because the men featured in heterosexual porn — the subject of the study — are buff males who perform on demand in a highly mechanized way.

“Is this sort of porn consumption among extraordinary numbers of young men creating expectations around their own bodies that are difficult to approximate?”

Part and parcel of the crisis of masculinity is the kind of collective anxiety men are now suffering about their bodies and their sexual potency, says Lafrance, who also teaches a master’s level course titled the Sociology of the Body.

"There's a link to be made between this so-called crisis of masculinity . . . and the extraordinary proliferation of erectile dysfunction products, the rise of body building and cosmetic surgery, the high-energy drinks, and let's throw in for the good measure the boom in grooming products," he says.

"All of these suggest in my view an increased preoccupation with male bodies in which they’re all trying to increase the maleness of the male.

"Pec implants, calf implants, penile enhancement — these are very aligned with that hegemonic or hyper masculinity.

"Just as all those female products speak to women’s insecurity,” Lafrance says, "these are tapping into a growing anxiety around masculinity and an alpha male ideal."

Saturday, February 26, 2011

Lawrence Barraclough - My Penis and Everyone Else's

A few days ago I posted the documentary, My Penis and I, by Lawrence Barraclough, so this is the sequel - My Penis and Everyone Else's, in which he examines just why men have such a difficulty in talking openly about our penises.

My Penis And Everyone Else’s challenges society’s stereotypes of masculinity as well as getting to the heart of why men are so fixated with their members.

Emotional, revelatory, and intensely engaging, this film takes on one of society’s last taboos and culminates in one of the most daring exhibitions ever seen in the UK, as Lawrence puts together the world’s largest collection of penis portraiture ever seen!

“I do think pornography and the way it seeped into culture has had some effect because it’s so saturated, it’s so become a norm that people are seeing sex and their bodies through a completely distorted lens.” -Rowan Peeling, Former Editor of the Erotic Review.

My Penis and Everyone Else's from Lawrence Barraclough on Vimeo.


Tuesday, December 15, 2009

"Male Enhancement" Advertisements

http://st-healthmall.com/images/nme.jpg

I just saw an infomercial for a product that promises to increase your penis size, or your money back. First of all, bullshit - these products are worthless and DO NOT WORK.

Second, you are fine exactly as you are. You do not need to be bigger, or longer, or anything else. The truth these asshats do not want you to believe is that it really is about quality, not quantity.

Finally, and most importantly, the infomercial used "candid confessions" of pretty young women talking about how much size matters to them. One even said that a small penis "makes everything else about the man seem small."

So the message these f*cktards are trying to promote is that men are their penises, and if that one part of our bodies is not HUGE, then we are small men overall. What an effing dumbass thing to tell men, many of whom are insecure about size and performance anyway.

I was appalled by this ad. And the thing is that they will sell tons of this product because they target one of the greatest insecurities in many men, especially young men.

So, men, our penises are just one part of our bodies - they are not who we are as men. A woman worth being with, and spending our lives with, will not focus on our penis size or anything else - she will love us and want to be with us for who we are as human beings. And if you are with a woman who only cares about your penis, or makes an issue of any physical element, you are with a woman who is not worth your time.