Why men and women can't be friends (Really?!)

Strangely interesting little video - although this is Utah St., so I wonder what the responses would be at USC, or UC Boulder, or NYU.

Personally, I have a lot of female friends, and I know other guys who do as well, with no sexual or romantic interests. I suspect that if these guys interviewed an older cohort, they might find different answers. But that would defeat their purpose, it seems to me, of making a point.

Obviously, these guys only used the answers that fit their agenda, which is to promote the stereotype that all men want is sex and we cannot have a female friend that we don't want to sleep with. It's sad when men seek to support limiting stereotypes of themselves.

Why men and women can't be friends

By Bailey Johnson

December 8, 2011

(CBS) - It's an age old question, one many young men and women struggle with. As young adults make their way in the world, meeting new people, experiencing new things, they will eventually have to find an answer to a very simple question: can men and women be just friends? One intrepid college filmmaker went out into the field to find out what people think. The answer might shock you. (Or it might not.)

This may be the most important clip on gender relations since When Harry Met Sally. It's also very, very collegiate. But, hey, work with what you've got. It seems the Utah State University campus is pretty split on the issue- that is, split between men and women. It's also almost comically like what you might find in a sitcom. But that may be thanks to the fine editing of filmmakers Jesse Budd and Patrick Romero, the men (of course) responsible for this groundbreaking study.

Shrink Rap Radio #289 – Jung and Holding The Opposites with Jon Jackson MD

This podcast is part of a series of episodes on Jungian psychology that also provides CEUs (at a price) for those who need them. It's an interesting series on Jung and his theories, hosted, as always, by David Van Nuys, Ph.D.

Shrink Rap Radio #289 – Jung and Holding The Opposites with Jon Jackson MD

It was only after his psychiatric residency that Dr. Jon Jackson discovered Carl Jung. More specifically, he first discovered Marie-Louise von Franz, who remains one of his major influences to this day. He sees himself as an intuitive introvert who has somehow learned to be extroverted in the “real” world. He worked for 15 years as a psychotherapist, seeing particularly difficult patients, and gaining extensive experience in dissociative and personality disorders. When he returned to California, he worked for several years for Sonoma County Mental Health, working with the indigent and chronically mentally ill. He was then Chief of Psychiatry at St. Helena Hospital for just over two years.


Following no major tradition, Dr. Jackson believes in the necessity of developing “spiritual depth” in oneself. He is a great lover of literature, film, radio dramas, comic books, and a very broad range of music. He currently is the Chair of the Numina Center for Spirituality & the Arts – a Santa Rosa group that promotes a broad-based spirituality as experienced through the Arts. He continues to work in radio on KOWS FM in Occidental, CA, producing a show titled “Sound Mind”, which often features interviews with musicians and other performers. He and his partner, Liza Brickey, hold a monthly study group in their Sebastopol home focusing on depth psychology.

John Jackson, MD was born in California, and then grew up barefoot in Kailua, Hawaii, before it was a State. He likes to say that where he is from is Olomana Mountain. He graduated from Kailua High School. His parents were both educators, and his father taught Educational Administration at the University of Hawaii, Manoa, prior to becoming the Superintendent of Education for the State of Hawaii during the 1960s. Much of Dr. Jackson’s early life was spent on the UH campus, which he later attended after graduating from Kailua High School. In 1969, he was one of the very first DJs on the new college radio station KTUH. He continued to work in non-commercial radio through much of his college years, and also for most of his life since then. In the early 1990s, Dr. Jackson returned again to the UH campus to be the psychiatrist for the students, and he also made his mark again on KTUH as a programmer for “The Alumni Show”.


As a freshman in college, Dr. Jackson initially majored in Psychology, switching later to Biology & Pre-Med, and he began his studies in Philosophy and Western Religion. He knew when he entered medical school that he wanted to be a Psychiatrist. His post-graduate training included a year of Internal Medicine, two years as a General Practitioner in Korea, Nuclear-Biological-Chemical training, Aviation Medicine, and a full Neurology residency. His Psychiatry training was in Hawaii, where he remained in private practice for many years. He currently is in private practice in Santa Rosa, CA.


A psychology podcast by David Van Nuys, Ph.D.

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It's sad that it took a recession to do this, but it's good that more men are actively involved in raising their children.

Recession Dramatically Increases Number Of Fathers Caring For Children

(Bloomberg News) Jeff VanderHeijden didn’t expect to be a stay-at-home father for his 3-year-old daughter, especially after getting a raise and promotion as a counselor last year at a residential program for troubled teenagers. Two weeks later, he was fired.

That’s when VanderHeijden, 35, of Carlisle, Pennsylvania, joined the growing ranks of U.S. men spending more time caring for a child. One-third of fathers with working wives are now a regular source of care for their children, the result of the depressed economy and large numbers of out-of-work men, the U.S. Census Bureau reported yesterday.

“Certain projects like refinishing the basement kind of had to go on hold, but it really pays off in the long run,” said VanderHeijden, whose wife works as a teacher. “You can’t put a price on a father-daughter relationship.”

The number of dads regularly caring for children under age 15 increased to 32 percent in 2010 from 26 percent in 2002. Among those fathers with preschool-age children, one in five served as the primary caregiver, meaning adults such as VanderHeijden who spend the most time with their child, the census found.

The recession has increased the number of fathers with an active role in child care, a trend that has been growing since at least 1988, said Lynda Laughlin, a family demographer at the Census Bureau.

“The economy hasn’t completely rebounded, particularly for men,” she said. “What did they label it, a ‘mancession?’”

The economic downturn initially had a greater effect on men than women, with males losing more net jobs between December 2007 and May 2011, according to a July report from the Pew Research Center. Men have regained jobs more quickly in the recovery, the Pew study found.

During recessions, fathers spend more time as partial and primary caregivers of children, Laughlin said, partly because unemployment or changes in work hours increase their availability to do so. “It also can reduce available income to pay for child care outside of the home,” she said.

The recession isn’t the only reason. Women are increasingly contributing more to family income than men, and there is a growing desire among men to take part in the lives of their children, according to Ellen Galinsky, president and co-founder of the New York-based Families and Work Institute.

“The good news is that kids are with their fathers more,” Galinsky said. “The bad news is that families are so squeezed economically.”

The new statistics, from the Census Survey of Income and Program Participation, showed that 54 percent of unemployed fathers with a working wife and preschool-age children are primary caregivers, while 17 percent of employed fathers in the same situation fill that role.

Some couples decide that the cost of child care cancels out the income from a lower-wage job, regardless of the recession.

“If I’m making X and my wife is making X plus 10, who do you want making the money?” said Patrick Spillman, 42, of New York, who’s the primary caregiver for his 3-year-old daughter. “It’s a matter of dollars and cents.”

About three years ago, Lance Somerfeld, 38, found there were few resources for fathers like him after he decided to stay at home with his newborn son. He started the NYC Dads Group and watched it grow into 500 men who share ideas for museum trips, classes, play groups and other activities.

Most of the men in the group weren’t laid off. Instead, he said, they have wives who are making more money or are further along in their careers.

“I just see dads wanting to be a part of their kids’ lives,” Somerfeld said.

Men's Health - Four for Your Core

The pressure on men to be ripped and have six-pack abs has never been greater. I'll bet that 10 of 12 Men's Health magazine covers list an article on getting ripped abs either through exercises or diet.

However, good fitness does require strong abs, or better yet, a strong core. Whether or not one can show a six-pack of abs has nothing to do with strength and everything to do with bodyfat percentage - and most of us will never need or want to be that lean.

This article from Men's Health is less about having ripped abs, although they mention that you can have that too, and more about building a strong core. In that realm, these are good exercises to add some variety to your core work.

[Personal preference: substitute a BOSU for the kettlebell in #1 - round side down. You get all of the instability with a lot less risk to wrists and shoulders. If you have access to heavy kettlebells, try a one-arm farmer's walk for core strength.]

Four for Your Core

Transform everyday gym equipment into ab-sculpting power tools

By Jill Yaworski, Photo Illustrations by Mitch Mandel

Posted Date: October 5, 2011

Infomercials are right about one thing: Exercise devices can put you on the fast track to a six-pack. But the best ones don't go by names like Ab Rocket or Torso Tiger, and you won't see them on late-night TV. They're already in your gym, says David Jack, general manager of Competitive Athlete Training Zone in Acton, Massachusetts. Add these four to your ab routine to accelerate your gains.

1. Kettlebell

EXERCISE
Kettlebell mountain climber

HOW TO DO IT
Lay a kettlebell flat side down with its handle facing away from you. Place both palms on the round part, and assume a pushup position. Slowly bring one knee as close to your chest as you can. Touch the floor with your toes, and quickly return to pushup position while maintaining good form. Repeat with the other knee. Alternate legs for 30 seconds.

BENEFIT
The instability of the kettlebell forces your abs, lower back, and hips to work harder than they do in a traditional mountain climber.

2. Resistance band

EXERCISE
Anti-rotation band speed fly

HOW TO DO IT
Anchor one end of a resistance band at hip level. Grip the handle with your right hand and cover that hand with your left. Kneel on your right knee (with the anchor point on your right) and press the handle in front of your chest. With your elbow slightly bent, let your right arm open toward the anchor point, and return explosively to the starting position. Do 10 to 12 reps on each side.

BENEFIT
You're not only strengthening your pecs but also carving your abs as they fight to prevent your torso from rotating.

3. Barbell

EXERCISE
Overhead barbell walk

HOW TO DO IT
Grab the bar using an overhand grip that's about twice shoulder width, and raise it directly overhead. (Add weight only when you can maintain proper form.) Keep your arms straight, your body tense, and your head back. Walk forward for 5 to 10 seconds, pause, and then walk backward for 5 to 10 seconds. That's 1 rep. Do 2 sets of 2 reps, resting 60 seconds between sets.

BENEFIT
Balancing the bar targets your shoulders as well as your torso's stabilizing muscles, including hips, obliques, and lower back.

4. Medicine ball

EXERCISE
Windmill slam

HOW TO DO IT
Hold a medicine ball at waist height and assume a staggered stance, your left foot 2 to 3 feet in front of your right, knees slightly bent. In one smooth "windmill" movement, swing the ball counterclockwise, arc it above your head, and slam it to the floor outside your left leg. Then catch the bounce. Do this 10 times, switch legs, and repeat.

BENEFIT
You'll send your calorie furnace into overdrive while chiseling your rectus abdominis—better known as your six-pack.

As seems often to be the case with sexual abuse and molestation, once one or two survivors come forward, many more do as well. Two new accusers have come forward about their abuse by Sandusky, the disgraced former Penn State football coach. He was sent back to jail and was unable to post bail as of last night, although he was expected to do so. When released, he will wear an electronic monitor to enforce no contact with accusers. Sounds about right.

Sandusky jailed on charges by two new accusers

CBSSports.com wire reports

STATE COLLEGE, Pa. -- Ex-Penn State assistant football coach Jerry Sandusky was jailed Wednesday after new child sex abuse charges were filed against him based on the claims of new two accusers, including one who says he screamed in vain for help while Sandusky attacked him in a basement bedroom.

The latest accusers are the ninth and 10th alleged victims described in grand jury reports that claim Sandusky befriended and then molested boys he met through his Second Mile charity for troubled youth. A grand jury document released Wednesday echoed an earlier report, saying Sandusky gave the boys gifts while also making advances on them.

One of the new accusers said Sandusky kept him in a basement bedroom during overnight visits to Sandusky's home, forced him to perform oral sex and attempted on at least 16 occasions to anally penetrate him, sometimes successfully.

Jerry Sandusky was silent at his hearing before being booked on new sex abuse charges. (AP)

"The victim testified that on at least one occasion he screamed for help, knowing that Sandusky's wife was upstairs, but no one ever came to help him," the grand jury report said. 

Sandusky now faces criminal accusations from 10 young men and more than 50 charges stemming from alleged assaults over 15 years on boys in his home, on Penn State property and elsewhere. The scandal has provoked strong criticism that Penn State officials didn't do enough to stop the alleged assaults. The scandal prompted the ouster of Hall of Fame football coach Joe Paterno and the school's longtime president, Graham Spanier.

Sandusky, 67, has said repeatedly that he is innocent and has vowed to fight the case. In interviews with NBC and The New York Times, he said he showered and horsed around with boys but never sexually abused them. Lawyer Joseph Amendola said Wednesday that he had not yet read the latest grand jury report but had no reason to doubt Sandusky's claims of innocence.

Sandusky was wide-eyed and quiet during the arraignment in a cramped district magistrate's office outside the small town of Bellefonte. He could not immediately pay $250,000 cash bail and was driven to Centre County jail by agents from the state attorney general's office.

He had been arrested at his home, handcuffed behind his back and driven to court wearing a blue and white Penn State wrestling jacket and matching sweat pants.

After the hearing, Sandusky avoided eye contact and did not speak to about two dozen reporters and photographers waiting before authorities placed him in the back of a silver sedan that would shuttle him to jail.

The new alleged victims, who contacted officials after Sandusky's initial arrest on Nov. 5, told the grand jury they met Sandusky through the charity he founded in 1977.

"I took it at first he was just a nice guy, like he went to church every weekend, his kids would come over every once in a while and stuff. And after a while, like, he got used to me and stuff and started getting further and further, wanting -- to touchy feely," the ninth accuser, who is now 18, told the grand jury.

More on Jerry Sandusky

Stories

NCAA mulls rule changes amid abuse scandals Small college denied Sandusky job in 2010 PSU president assures there will be no whitewash PSU unlikely to meet NCAA Dec. 6 deadline Lawyer question motives of July Sandusky dinner

He said he was 11 or 12 when he first met Sandusky in 2004 and Sandusky took him to Penn State football games and gave him gifts and money, and sexually assaulted him over a period of years, according to the grand jury report.

The 10th accuser told the grand jury he was referred by a counselor to The Second Mile in 1997, when he was 10 and experiencing problems at home.

He also attended Penn State games with Sandusky, spent time at Sandusky's house, and was subjected to "wrestling sessions" in the basement of the home that led to Sandusky performing oral sex on the boy, the report said. The accuser also detailed being molested in a pool on the Penn State campus, and a time when Sandusky allegedly exposed himself in a car while driving and requested oral sex from the boy.

The boy refused, and after Sandusky expressed his displeasure, the boy told his foster mother he didn't want to see Sandusky any more, the report said.

The grand jury report did not say whether the boys ever told anyone else about the assaults before testifying.

Asked what he told Sandusky during the arraignment, Amendola said he warned his client to be prepared for things to get worse.

"Jerry's scratching his head saying `What's next?"' Amendola said. "I said, `Don't ask that question. Don't ask, `Can it get worse?' because it can.' We just have to be prepared for whatever else comes down the road. And we will be."

Asked how Sandusky is dealing with the accusations, Amendola said, "How would you take it if you were facing the kind of charges he was facing and your life's work was helping kids? You would be devastated."

Sandusky, who at one time thought he would succeed Paterno as Penn State's head coach, retired from the team after the 1999 season.

Lawyers Andrew Shubin and Justine Andronici, who say they have been representing and advising alleged victims, said the additional charges were to be expected.

"Through our investigation, we have found that Jerry Sandusky is a serial predator who has victimized many people over the course of decades," Androncini said. "Victims, many of whom have kept silent about Jerry Sandusky's abuse for years, are now gaining the strength to come forward and speak about what has happened to them."

Amendola said he believes that Sandusky will be able to post bail. If he does, Sandusky will have to wear an electronic monitor, which Amendola said would be the equivalent to house arrest.

Sandusky also was to have no contact with alleged victims or witnesses in the case and have no unsupervised contact with minors.

Prosecutors had sought $1 million in bail.

The bail and conditions ordered Wednesday by Senior Magisterial District Judge Robert E. Scott were in contrast to the $100,000 unsecured bail Sandusky was granted last month.

The new charges include four counts of involuntary deviate sexual intercourse and two counts of unlawful contact with a minor, all of them first-degree felonies punishable by up to 20 years in prison and $25,000 in fines. Sandusky also was charged Wednesday with three third-degree felony counts and three first-degree misdemeanor counts.

A preliminary hearing on the latest charges was scheduled for Tuesday, the same day as a hearing on the previous charges.

For boys, sharing feelings may seem like a waste of time, finds new research

This is an interesting bit of research - and I wonder how much of it is social learning. In that regard, the authors suggest that one way to get boys to share more is to emphasize problem solving efficacy in sharing over the idea that it's safe and okay to share.

However, one of the things boys mentioned is that it makes them feel "weird" to share - so there may be some other form of discomfort for them that the authors are not addressing in this brief press release.

This is from the APA's Monitor on Psychology, an online source for reports on new research in psychology.

For boys, sharing may seem like a waste of time, finds new research

December 2011, Vol 42, No. 11

Research has long shown that boys are less likely to disclose thoughts and feelings with one another than girls are. Popular psychology had posited that boys' reticence to talk about feelings was a fear of being embarrassed or ridiculed by peers. But new research in press at Child Development, suggests differently. Rather than feeling embarrassed, it finds, boys may perceive that sharing is simply a waste of time.

"It isn't so much that boys avoid talking about problems because of worries, concerns or feelings of angst," says lead author Amanda J. Rose, PhD, associate professor of psychological sciences at the University of Missouri. "It's more that they don't see it as having utility."

Rose and colleagues conducted four studies examining what boys and girls expect to get out of sharing their feelings and how much they actually disclose. In the first three studies, they had approximately 2,000 students from third to ninth grade fill out surveys assessing how much they talk with friends about problems. In the fourth, observational study, the researchers gave same-gender adolescent friends up to 16 minutes to talk about their problems.

Across all studies, boys talked to friends about problems less than girls. Girls were more likely to say they expected that talking about problems would make them feel less alone and more cared for, while boys were more likely to say it would make them feel like they were wasting time or make them feel "weird." Meanwhile, both boys and girls reported low levels of expecting that disclosing would make them feel uncomfortable, worried or embarrassed.

The findings suggest that teachers and parents may want to try different communication strategies than those they may now rely on, such as assuring boys that it's safe to talk about problems, suggests Rose. Instead, adults could tell boys they might have a better chance at solving a problem if they talk it through or seek advice, for example.

Boys might be more amenable to these strategies if adults recognized that they may sometimes want to tackle a problem on their own, Rose adds.

"Some of the time they may choose to solve it themselves, and I think that should be respected as well."

—T. DeAngelis

Jonah Mowry - It Does Get Better (Sometimes)

Yesterday I posted a moving video of a young man talking about the pain and suffering he has endured and inflicted on himself (cutting) as a result of bullying. I did not know anything more than what I saw in the video, which had gone viral on Facebook in the last few days.

Now he is the most famous bullied gay teen in the country. His name is Jonah Mowry - he is 14 years old, and despite some people's claims that the video was a hoax, his mom says otherwise.

He has recently posted a follow up video, but he deleted it from his own page. However, it has been reposted by many people and linked to by ABC News. In this video, he is with a friend and seems much happier.




ABC's 20/20 website ran a story on him and his situation.

Jonah Mowry's Mom Says Gay Son Inspired by Support

By SUSAN DONALDSON JAMES

Dec. 6, 2011

The mother of Jonah Mowry, the gay 14-year-old who got national attention when he spoke about his anguish over bullies, said her son has been "uplifted" by support online.

"I'm thankful," Peggy Sue Mowry told ABC News. "There are a lot of people that are giving their warm wishes and uplifting Jonah, and I think that's good."

Jonah's YouTube video went viral this week and some online accused the teen of being a "fraud," and looking for publicity. ABC News confirmed that he was the son of a music instructor technician at Saddleback College in Mission Viejo, Calif.

"I'm disappointed that somebody could look at the first video and then look at the second and think it's a lie," said Peggy Sue Mowry, a 52-year-old hairdresser from Lake Forest, Calif. "He's a child. He's a 14-year-old boy. He's very young."

"First and foremost, I am proud of the responses we've gotten from people," she said. "I'm disappointed that people would question whether it's" true."

Jonah posted two YouTube videos. One, last August, was a wrenching account of his cutting injuries as a victim of school bullies.

In the first -- "Whats going on ... [sic]" -- Jonah was weeping to the music of Sia's "Breathe Me." Holding a series of notecards, he says, "I've cut…a lot. I have scars. Suicide was an option…many times."

The second video, posted Dec. 4, showed a giggling and happy teen who was doing just fine. "To the people who think nobody likes me," he said. "Everyone in my school loves me."

Jonah's plight struck a chord in celebrities like gay singer Ricky Martin and blogger Perez Hilton.

Teens have increasingly taken to the Internet to reveal their struggles with bullying and questions about their sexual orientation. Last October, "20/20" recorded Skype interviews with a number of teens in the series "I Am Different." 

California eighth grader Larry King, 15, was shot and killed by a classmate in 2008 after being incessantly bullied.

The murder trial of Brandon McInerney, 14 at the time, ended in a hung jury. Media outlets reported that Brandon had killed Larry "allegedly because he identified himself as gay."

Jonah said he had been bullied since first grade and had first begun cutting himself in the second grade. Last August, when the video was made, Jonah was about the enter eighth grade.

The boy, who displays numerous scars in the video, claims he has sustained insults of, "Gay. Fag. D**k. Douche. Homo. A**hole." His video ends optimistically: "I'm not going anywhere, because I'm stronger than that. I have a million reasons to be here."

A Facebook page dedicated to Jonah's cause says, "What doesn't kill you makes you stronger."

Advocacy groups praised Jonah for speaking out against bullying and homophobia.

"This YouTube video illustrates a sobering reality about the bullying crisis in our schools," said Andy Marra, spokesman for the Gay, Lesbian and Straight Education Network (GLSEN). "We know there are far too many students like Jonah that experience harassment simply because of their real or perceived sexual orientation or gender identity."

Teen bullying has reached epidemic proportions. Several young children have been so anguished they have killed themselves.

Nearly 9 out of 10 lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender students experienced harassment at school in the past year, according to GLSEN.

All students deserve the right to reach their full potential and it is the responsibility of school staff to ensure safe learning environments for all that promote true respect for difference, the group says.

Earlier this year, Jamey Rodemeyer, a 14-year-old from Buffalo, N.Y., took his own life after he was bullied online with gay slurs for more than a year. His death prompted Lady Gaga to express outrage over relentless torment on social networking sites.

In 2009, Carl Joseph Walker-Hoover, only 11, hung himself after school bullies repeatedly called him "gay." The Springfield, Mass., Boy Scout was teased ruthlessly, despite his mother's pleas to the boy's school.

Confessions of Kalu Rinpoche - Monastic Abuse

In this candid video, Kalu Rinpoche talks about his life as a monk, including sexual abuse he suffered from other monks as a very young man (around the 2:23 mark). His tutor even tried to kill him.

Being chosen as a reincarnated monk is not at all romantic in this account of one man's life.

It seems monastic systems are fundamentally flawed - we have seen it in Catholic history, and here we see it in a Tibetan tradition. He sees the system as flawed and in need of change - that Buddhist beliefs need to be brought into the personal lives of the monks.

After years of drug and alcohol abuse to self-medicate his pain - a common pattern for victims of sexual abuse - he is clean now and trying to reform his lineage. But he faces a lot of challenges for speaking openly about his struggles and experiences.




Here is some of his biography - the official story:

His Eminence Kalu Rinpoche was born in 1990 at his Monastery Samdrub Darjay, as Rainbows appeared in the sky above. He was officially recognized by Situ Rinpoche and the Dali lama and enthroned at his monastery in 1993. Young Yangsi Kalu Rinpoche inspired everyone who met him with his gentle and loving presence. At age 7 he began formal studies with under the Ven. Bokar Rinpoche and entered into the traditional Shangpa Kagyu three-year retreat at age 15. We are extremely grateful to His Eminence Kalu Rinpoche whose only purpose is to benefit all beings, through his commitments to keep alive the transmissions of the Shangpa and Karma Kagyu lineages, ensuring that the precious teachings remain available to those who seek to walk upon the Path to Liberation.

There's more biography here.

What's Going On . . . Courage of a Young Man

I know this video has been out since August, and it has already made the rounds on Facebook. But this is one of the saddest videos I have ever seen - if you know this kid or one like him, spend some time with him (or her, for that matter), acknowledge his pain, share your own experiences, and give him some tools to love himself.

Evolutionary Psychology is more crap than science, but sometimes it gets near to the truth, or at least offers a perspective that makes a little bit of sense.

If your partner is faking orgasms with you, there is now another option that you simply being a bad lover or mismatched sexual partner - she might be insecure about your loyalty to her.

Women Fake Orgasms as a Mate Retention Strategy

Faking orgasms to retain your man.

Published on December 4, 2011 by Gad Saad, Ph.D. in Homo Consumericus

 

When Harry Met Sally, starring Billy Crystal (Harry) and Meg Ryan (Sally), is perhaps one of the most loved romantic comedies of all-time. In an iconic scene at a diner, Harry proclaims to Sally that women have never faked an orgasm with him. Harry adds that he would know if women have faked it with him, and he is certain that this has never happened. Sally responds to his self-assuredness by offering a classic "fake orgasm" scene at the diner.

A majority of women have indeed faked orgasms at some point in their lives (sorry gentlemen!), which leads to the obvious question: Why are women compelled to engage in this form of fake signaling? In a forthcoming paper in the Archives of Sexual Behavior, Farnaz Kaighobadi, Todd K. Shackelford, and Viviana A. Weekes-Shackelford tackled this exact issue. As a side note, Todd Shackelford was one of the endorsers of my recently released trade book The Consuming Instinct (see my latest interviews with Reason TV and Kill Mag, in which I discuss key precepts from my book). Returning to the study, they theorized that faking orgasms might serve as a mate retention tactic. Specifically, women who perceived their partner as more likely to be unfaithful might fake orgasms more frequently (as one of several possible strategies for retaining their mate).

The researchers administered a survey to 453 women involved in long-term heterosexual relationships, which included the Mate Retention Inventory (MRI; 104 items that capture five types of mate retention strategies), and two items each to capture their partner's perceived likelihood of sexual infidelity as well as the extent to which the participants faked orgasms/sexual arousal. I shall report here two key findings (and will skip the findings associated with the meditational analyses; see the study's abstract for additional details):

(1) The likelihood of faking was positively correlated to infidelity risk (p < .001). In other words, women who felt insecure about their partner's loyalty were more likely to fake sexual arousal/orgasm.

(2) The likelihood of faking was positively correlated to each of the five MRI measures (all p-values less than 0.05). Women who engage in a wide range of mate retention tactics (ostensibly because they are likely to feel insecure in the relationship) are more likely to fake orgasms.

Gentlemen: If your woman frequently fakes orgasms, it might be that she is insecure about your loyalty to her (beyond the obvious possibility that you might not be a good lover!). One more source for male performance anxiety!