Slam Poet Marshall Davis Jones on Our Socially Networked World

If you like slam poetry at all, or, hell, if you like language and rhythm, this guy is good, and he riffs on the very medium through we are being exposed to his poetry. Good find, from the Good Men Project.

Click: Slam Poet Marshall Davis Jones Performs ‘Touchscreen’

AUGUST 4, 2013 BY THE EDITORS

Marshall Soulful Jones performs this live at the Bowery Poetry Club in NY. And yes, we’re aware of the irony of sharing this on Facebook and You Tube and Twitter—when the poem speaks so eloquently about the lack of humanity in those networks.

Marshall is worth watching not just for the idea behind his poem, but for the wonderful wordplay throughout. “It used to be difficult to connect when friends formed cliques but it’s even more difficult when clicks form friends.” And Twitter doesn’t escape his rage against the i-machines: “I can’t hear the sound of mother nature speaking over all this tweeting.”

Listen to the rest, if you are like us you’ll watch it two or three times–especially the last line, which is killer. And then you’ll be sure to tweet it out, won’t you?

The Effects of Early Exposure to Sexual Material

The human brain is not designed to deal with issues of sex and sexuality until the body hits puberty, and even then we are far too emotionally immature (at least in our culture) to handle sexuality respectfully and responsibly. But with the incredible quantity and availability of internet porn, children are being exposed to sexuality far earlier than is healthy developmentally.

We know that early sexualization through incest and molestation changes how a child relates to others and how the child understands their value as a person. These kids (not all of them, of course) often define their relational worth in terms of sexuality, leading to all kinds of issues.

Early exposure to porn is not likely to produce such extreme outcomes, but it tends - according to some studies - to generate earlier sexual activity than in those who do not view porn. It also creates very unrealistic expectations for what sex is like and, among boys, for how women relate sexually. Hint: It's not like it is in the porn clips.

I would never advocate banning porn, but I would definitely advocate that parents be more actively involved in teaching their children about sex and sexuality - don't leave it up to the schools, the church, or the older kids on the playground. Take responsibility for teaching your children about this sensitive issue.

This article is from Psychology Today's blog section - by Carolyn C. Ross, M.D., M.P.H. on her Real Healing blog.

Overexposed and Under-Prepared: The Effects of Early Exposure to Sexual Content

Is the Internet impacting sexual development? 

 

 

Published on August 13, 2012 by Carolyn C. Ross, M.D., M.P.H. in Real Healing

“They grow up so fast,” parents often lament. Today, children are being sexualized earlier and earlier, in part because they are exposed to sexual material in movies, television, music and other media earlier than ever. With widespread access to the Internet, curious teens may accidentally or intentionally be exposed to millions of pages of material that is uncensored, sexually explicit, often inaccurate and potentially harmful.

So what? If kids don’t understand it, how can they be affected by it? Even if young children can’t understand sex or its role in relationships, the images they see can leave a lasting impression. It’s a basic premise of marketing that what we watch, read and direct our attention toward influences our behavior. And, as any marketer knows, sex sells. That’s why we see products and services that have nothing to do with sex being marketed in increasingly sexualized ways.

Children as young as 8 and 9 are coming across sexually explicit material on the Internet and in other media. Although research is just beginning to assess the potential damage, there is reason to believe that early exposure to sexual content may have the following undesirable effects:

Early Sex. Research has long established that teens who watch movies or listen to music that glamorizes drinking, drug use or violence tend to engage in those behaviors themselves. A 2012 study shows that movies influence teens’ sexual attitudes and behaviors as well. The study, published in Psychological Science, found that the more teens were exposed to sexual content in movies, the earlier they started having sex and the likelier they were to have casual, unprotected sex.

In another study, boys who were exposed to sexually explicit media were three times more likely to engage in oral sex and intercourse two years after exposure than non-exposed boys. Young girls exposed to sexual content in the media were twice as likely to engage in oral sex and one and a half times more likely to have intercourse. Research also shows that teens who listened to music with degrading sexual references were more likely to have sex than those who had less exposure.

Why are teens more likely to have sex after being exposed to sexual content in the media? Just as we read specific books and show educational movies to our children in hopes that they learn lessons from the characters, the media provides a type of sex education to young people. Media messages normalize early sexual experimentation and portray sex as casual, unprotected and consequence-free, encouraging sexual activity long before children are emotionally, socially or intellectually ready.

High-Risk Sex. The earlier a child is exposed to sexual content and begins having sex, the likelier they are to engage in high-risk sex. Research shows that children who have sex by age 13 are more likely to have multiple sexual partners, engage in frequent intercourse, have unprotected sex and use drugs or alcohol before sex. In a study by researcher Dr. Jennings Bryant, more than 66 percent of boys and 40 percent of girls reported wanting to try some of the sexual behaviors they saw in the media (and by high school, many had done so), which increases the risk of sexually transmitted diseases and unwanted pregnancies.

Sex, Love and Relationship Addictions. Not every child who is exposed to sexual content will struggle with a mental health disorder, but research shows that early exposure to pornography is a risk factor for sex addictions and other intimacy disorders. In one study of 932 sex addicts, 90 percent of men and 77 percent of women reported that pornography was a factor in their addiction. With the widespread availability of explicit material on the Internet, these problems are becoming more prevalent and are surfacing at younger ages.

Sexual Violence. According to some studies, early exposure (by age 14) to pornography and other explicit material may increase the risk of a child becoming a victim of sexual violence or acting out sexually against another child. For some people, habitual use of pornography may prompt a desire for more violent or deviant material, including depictions of rape, torture or humiliation. If people seek to act out what they see, they may be more likely to commit sexual assault, rape or child molestation.

Preserving Our Children’s Youth

Early exposure to sexual content in the media may have a profound impact on children’s values, attitudes and behaviors toward sex and relationships. Unfortunately, media portrayals do not always reflect the message parents want to send. Here are a few ways that you as a parent can ensure your message is heard:

• Know what your children are watching, playing and listening to and take advantage of teachable moments to discuss any inappropriate content or behaviors with them.
• Set and enforce limits around screen time.
• Make use of Internet filters and parental controls.
• Share your family’s values and expectations regarding sex and relationships.
• Talk to your child about media representations of sex, relationships and gender roles and teach them to question the accuracy and intent of the messages they receive.
• Model healthy, respectful relationships and self-worth.

For most families, banning media from the home isn’t a realistic option. After all, most 8- to 18-year-olds devote an average of seven and a half hours to media in a typical day, according to a 2009 study by the Kaiser Family Foundation, and more than half of that content contains sexual images or references. The goal isn’t to avoid the issue, but to approach it head-on so that your children learn about sex and relationships from their most trusted source: you.

Sh!t New Age Guys Say

In the ongoing new (and annoying) fad of Shit ___________ Say, here is a funny one of Shit New Age Guys Say. Most of you have probably seen this already, but I have been busy lately, so it's new to me.

Sadly, some of this is stuff I have heard guys say. Hell, I've said a couple of those things. So please pardon me while I go flog myself.

Directed by Liz Cross-Thompson
Starring Jeff Thompson, Liz Cross-Thompson, and Cameron Kincaid Richardson

Bookforum - Positionings of Gender

Yesterday's Bookforum offered up a collection of links on issues related to gender - it's a pretty eclectic mixture of material, sure to please and/or piss off most anyone. Contrary to my usual practice, I've broken these links down into discrete entries for your browsing pleasure.

Positionings of gender

Jan 16 2012   9:00AM

• Colin Farrelly (Queen's): Patriarchy and Historical Materialism. 
• Chandrakala Padia (BHU): Resisting Logocentrism: Mainstreaming the Gender. 
• From Qualitative Sociology Review, Annalisa Murgia (Trento): "Flexible Narratives": Discursive Positionings of Gender and Identity in Precarious Times; Jeni Loftus (Purdue) and Paul Namaste (PHE): "Expectant Mothers": Women’s Infertility and the Potential Identity of Biological Motherhood; and a review of Erotic Mentoring: Women’s Transformations in the University by Janice Hocker Rushing. 
• The reality of sexist abuse online: Female bloggers speak out about misogynist comments, rape threats and death threats. 
• A review of Duels and Duets: Why Men and Women Talk So Differently by John L. Locke. 
• Battle of the sexes: Traits that help one sex but hurt the other are not sufficient for maintaining genetic variation. 
• No, men's magazines aren't written by "rapists": Melissa Petro says to give the guys a break — women are writing and editing these magazines too. 
• Why is "white male" the default? Maria Pawlowska wants to know. 
• Geoffrey Arnold on how heightism is a social construct based in gender norms. 
• Mark Manson on the truth about universal masculinity. 
• Gay vs. straight: What’s a sexy man? 
• Peter Lawler on what we can learn about courage from the philosopher of manliness Harvey Mansfield. 
• A look at 4 evolutionary explanations for modern annoyances.

Jonah Mowry - It Does Get Better (Sometimes)

Yesterday I posted a moving video of a young man talking about the pain and suffering he has endured and inflicted on himself (cutting) as a result of bullying. I did not know anything more than what I saw in the video, which had gone viral on Facebook in the last few days.

Now he is the most famous bullied gay teen in the country. His name is Jonah Mowry - he is 14 years old, and despite some people's claims that the video was a hoax, his mom says otherwise.

He has recently posted a follow up video, but he deleted it from his own page. However, it has been reposted by many people and linked to by ABC News. In this video, he is with a friend and seems much happier.




ABC's 20/20 website ran a story on him and his situation.

Jonah Mowry's Mom Says Gay Son Inspired by Support

By SUSAN DONALDSON JAMES

Dec. 6, 2011

The mother of Jonah Mowry, the gay 14-year-old who got national attention when he spoke about his anguish over bullies, said her son has been "uplifted" by support online.

"I'm thankful," Peggy Sue Mowry told ABC News. "There are a lot of people that are giving their warm wishes and uplifting Jonah, and I think that's good."

Jonah's YouTube video went viral this week and some online accused the teen of being a "fraud," and looking for publicity. ABC News confirmed that he was the son of a music instructor technician at Saddleback College in Mission Viejo, Calif.

"I'm disappointed that somebody could look at the first video and then look at the second and think it's a lie," said Peggy Sue Mowry, a 52-year-old hairdresser from Lake Forest, Calif. "He's a child. He's a 14-year-old boy. He's very young."

"First and foremost, I am proud of the responses we've gotten from people," she said. "I'm disappointed that people would question whether it's" true."

Jonah posted two YouTube videos. One, last August, was a wrenching account of his cutting injuries as a victim of school bullies.

In the first -- "Whats going on ... [sic]" -- Jonah was weeping to the music of Sia's "Breathe Me." Holding a series of notecards, he says, "I've cut…a lot. I have scars. Suicide was an option…many times."

The second video, posted Dec. 4, showed a giggling and happy teen who was doing just fine. "To the people who think nobody likes me," he said. "Everyone in my school loves me."

Jonah's plight struck a chord in celebrities like gay singer Ricky Martin and blogger Perez Hilton.

Teens have increasingly taken to the Internet to reveal their struggles with bullying and questions about their sexual orientation. Last October, "20/20" recorded Skype interviews with a number of teens in the series "I Am Different." 

California eighth grader Larry King, 15, was shot and killed by a classmate in 2008 after being incessantly bullied.

The murder trial of Brandon McInerney, 14 at the time, ended in a hung jury. Media outlets reported that Brandon had killed Larry "allegedly because he identified himself as gay."

Jonah said he had been bullied since first grade and had first begun cutting himself in the second grade. Last August, when the video was made, Jonah was about the enter eighth grade.

The boy, who displays numerous scars in the video, claims he has sustained insults of, "Gay. Fag. D**k. Douche. Homo. A**hole." His video ends optimistically: "I'm not going anywhere, because I'm stronger than that. I have a million reasons to be here."

A Facebook page dedicated to Jonah's cause says, "What doesn't kill you makes you stronger."

Advocacy groups praised Jonah for speaking out against bullying and homophobia.

"This YouTube video illustrates a sobering reality about the bullying crisis in our schools," said Andy Marra, spokesman for the Gay, Lesbian and Straight Education Network (GLSEN). "We know there are far too many students like Jonah that experience harassment simply because of their real or perceived sexual orientation or gender identity."

Teen bullying has reached epidemic proportions. Several young children have been so anguished they have killed themselves.

Nearly 9 out of 10 lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender students experienced harassment at school in the past year, according to GLSEN.

All students deserve the right to reach their full potential and it is the responsibility of school staff to ensure safe learning environments for all that promote true respect for difference, the group says.

Earlier this year, Jamey Rodemeyer, a 14-year-old from Buffalo, N.Y., took his own life after he was bullied online with gay slurs for more than a year. His death prompted Lady Gaga to express outrage over relentless torment on social networking sites.

In 2009, Carl Joseph Walker-Hoover, only 11, hung himself after school bullies repeatedly called him "gay." The Springfield, Mass., Boy Scout was teased ruthlessly, despite his mother's pleas to the boy's school.

Consuming Internet Porn Inhibits Male Performance and Rewires the Brain

New research suggests that men who consume internet porn perform poorly when with a real flesh-and-feelings woman. This seems to especially be a problem for guys under 25 years of age - they have grown up with internet porn the ways guys in my generation grew up with Playboy. The problem for them is that the internet does different things to the brain when sex is concerned.

Lots of guys, 20s or so, can't get it up anymore with a real girl, and they all relate having a serious porn/masturbation habit. Guys will never openly discuss this with friends or co-workers, for fear of getting laughed out of town. But when someone tells their story on a health forum, and there are 50-100 replies from other guys who struggle with the same thing. This is for real.

According to the new study:

[E]rectile dysfunction due to excessive Web porn begins for many men in their teens. 70 percent of those young men who came to seek help for performance issues said they were Web porn habitues.


The weary and wise might offer that this problem must be psychological. Yet the researchers declare: "Hold on there, big brains."


For their belief is that Web porn simply numbs men's pleasure receptacles, desensitizing responses to the neurochemical dopamine. This is a chemical associated with reward and, in young men, researchers believe that gorging on Internet porn simply shuts down the physiological sense of reward from sex.

But it goes in a much different direction from here.

Men who look at a lot of internet porn find themselves becoming habituated, just like a cocaine user who needs more and more to get the familiar high that they crave. In the world of porn, this is reflected in men who start with pictures of of young women and then, from there, it escalates in directions they would never have imagined before they began consuming porn.

One young man said:

Anthony: I started looking at porn, on a regular basis, about five years ago. First there were the beautiful women, then the hardcore porn, then the weird insertions, then the transvestites, then critters, then the hermaphrodites, then the teen porn, then the younger models and now prison (soon to go). As the years passed I became less and less interested in masturbating and more and more interested in "novelty" searching. Looking back, I just don't see how I failed to recognize that I had a problem.

One of the best explanations for this phenomenon comes from Norman Doidge's The Brain that Rewires Itself. In this Psychology Today article, they quote his book:

What if the porn to which you once happily fapped no longer does the job? Could this be why viewers who would never harm others are viewing violent porn? Why gay porn viewers are feeling baffled by their tastes for straight rape porn or lesbian porn? Why straight men are bewildered by their tastes for transsexual or gay porn?


Psychiatrist Norman Doidge explained in The Brain That Changes Itself:

The content of what [patients] found exciting changed as the Web sites introduced themes and scripts that altered their brains without their awareness. Because plasticity is competitive, the brain maps for new, exciting images increased at the expense of what had previously attracted them. (p.109)

Do a viewer's most recent porn tastes reveal his "deepest urges and most uninhibited thoughts," as Ogas and Gaddam claim? Does his sexual orientation change along with what he views? Or does cyberporn manufacture superficial tastes, sometimes unrelated to sexual orientation? Most likely, the latter.

I am not so sure about the claim at the end of that paragraph. In the sex addicts I have seen, there is more fluidity in their sexual preference than in non-addicts who use porn to self-medicate (for escape, to relieve stress, etc.).

One of the outcomes of these brain changes is desensitization:

Over time, a user's brain can physically change. Signs of fundamental brain alterations (as contrasted with short-lived habituation) may include: chronic weakened impulse control, craving spikes in response to cues he associates with porn use, and decreased sexual responsiveness. He's no longer registering pleasure normally; his desensitized brain is desperate for the dopamine hits from stimulation. To climax, he needs to watch for longer or move to new genres of porn.

One of the outcomes of this is that straight men start looking at gay porn, or violent porn, and eventually transsexual porn (the operator of one site claims in that Psychology Today article that ALL of the visitors to his site are straight guys).

But if a brain's wiring can be changed in this way, as Doidge illustrates, it can - fortunately - be changed back with time and some serious dedication to not viewing porn and not masturbating.

Unwiring plastic changes


As a porn user's addiction progresses, masturbation habits may tell him very little about his actual orientation. However, guys on our forum have discovered that if they (1) give their brains a rest from porn, porn fantasy (and ideally masturbation and orgasm), and (2) replace their former habits with socializing, exercise, meditation and other comforting activities, they can start to see changes in their sexual tastes surprisingly quickly. Here's Ryan's report after only a month:

I spent the last year of high school jacking off to Internet porn compulsively, and escalated to gay porn several months ago. I found it disturbing to watch; it fueled my OCD and subsequent depression.


Now I'm feeling almost like a new person. I've been through nearly 4 weeks of hell, and had to get my antidepressants adjusted. I've been biking daily and interacting with others at college. But I do not get aroused at gay porn anymore. It's like I have gotten rid of those circuits. The thought of lesbian porn is once again arousing. I am also slowly starting to get my libido back. It's not over yet, but I have conquered part of it.

You can read the whole Psychology Today article here.

In another Psychology Today article from September, they reviewed the new definition of addiction (it's about the brain, not about behaviors) and show how sex and porn can produce addiction in compulsive users (the key word being compulsive).

If you view porn, are you an addict or merely a user?


This question used to be a silly one for most porn users. Prior to the Internet, porn use (if any) bore some relation to authentic libido. When one had had enough, the magazine went back under the mattress. Internet porn, however, has the power to override natural satiety mechanisms in many brains. This increases the risk of the addiction-related brain changes ASAM addressed.  


With respect to porn, it's not time spent viewing or what you're looking at that determines whether your brain has changed. Instead, watch for these signs:

• Inability to abstain;
• Impaired impulse control;
• Cravings;
• Diminished grasp of one's problems; and
• Problematic emotional responses. (Detailed ASAM list)

Curious how these telltale symptoms might show up in today's porn users? We've culled the following questions from actual reports of self-identified porn addicts. Many users do not make the connection between their symptoms and their porn use until they abstain from porn for weeks, but these questions, and the remarks below them, may help you determine whether you need to seek help to reverse unwanted changes and restore your brain to balance.

• Have you tried to stop using porn and failed? Did you noticewithdrawal symptoms?
• Do you experience intense cravings when you have no access to porn for several days?
• When you use again do you notice rapid escalation to more extreme material?
• Have you noticed changes in your sexual tastes?
  • Have you explored new types of porn in order to attain earlier levels of excitement?
  • Are you viewing things that never turned you on?
  • Are you using porn that does not match your sexual orientation?
• Is porn viewing the most exciting thing in your life? Does life seem dull otherwise?
• Do you feel powerless to stop yourself from using porn if you see or experience something you associate with porn use, such as:
  • being alone in the house,
  • seeing a TV show with your favorite fetish hinted at or portrayed,
  • seeing news about a favorite porn star?
• Do you see potential mates differently—more as body parts than as people?
• Since using Internet porn, do you feel more tongue-tied, unsafe, awkward or anxious around other people—especially potential mates?
• Is it harder to connect with others? Do you feel lonelier? Are you more worried about what others think about you?
• Have you (or those who care about you) noticed you:
  • procrastinate more than before using, have lower motivation(don't care), chronic fatigue, brain-fog, or difficulty concentrating or remembering things?
  • have become more anxious, restless, impulsive, stressed, irritable, unhappy, pessimistic, emotionally numb, or depressed?
  • have become more secretive, or isolate more?
• Have you noticed declines in your sexual function during sex: more rapid ejaculation (PE), inability to maintain an erection without self-stimulation, porn or porn fantasy (even if you can get rock-hard to porn), delayed ejaculation (or inability to orgasm), less satisfying orgasm, need the lights on during sex to get aroused, not turned on by attractive partner, no desire for sex?
• Have you noticed declines in your sexual function duringmasturbation: unable to masturbate without porn or porn fantasy, need for more vigorous masturbation ("death grip," faster strokes), weaker (or rapidly fading) erections, climaxing with a semi-erection, more frequent urination?
• Since using Internet porn, do you feel like you've lost your "mojo," or sex appeal? Do you doubt your attractiveness or feel more anxious about the dimensions/appearance of your genitals?
• Does your voice feel more nervous, shallow, tight, or unnaturally high? Shallow breathing?
• Have you masturbated to the point of abrasions or other physical damage?
• Can you fall asleep without using porn? Do you have more troublesleeping soundly through the night?
• When under stress do you use more porn?
• Do you have intrusive porn flashbacks?
• Are you risking your job, education or relationship to watch porn, or spending too much money on it?
• Have you lost a relationship or job, or dropped out of school due to your porn use (or symptoms related to it)?
• After climaxing, do you notice more intense mood swings (irritability,depression, anxiety)?

Art of Manliness - How to Quit Mindlessly Surfing the Internet and Actually Get Stuff Done

OK, but what if actually getting stuff done looks like surfing the internet? Well, okay, I'm probably rationalizing a bit. I do a LOT of online research, but I also waste a lot of time on Facebook, Twitter, and Google + that could be better spent doing what I am supposed to be doing.

How to Quit Mindlessly Surfing the Internet and Actually Get Stuff Done

by BRETT & KATE MCKAY on OCTOBER 17, 2011

9 pm. A college campus in the Midwest. Rob sits down to study. His inner monologue:

Okay, time to hit the books. I’m really going to get crap done tonight. Let me just sit down here and crack open my giant textbook. Mmmm, interesting, interesting. But I don’t understand this term here on pg. 307. I should look it up on Wikipedia. Okay, got it. I guess it wouldn’t hurt to check my gmail tab before I get back to the book. Oh, Amanda sent me a Facebook message, let me just get on Facebook really quick and write her back. Hey, the Art of Manliness put another article up. And I love pirates! I’ve got to check that out–I’ll just skim it really fast. That was good. I wonder if anything has happened on Facebook since I read the article, let me check that real quick. And I guess it wouldn’t hurt to give the front page of Reddit a fast little scan, and then I’ll get back to studying. Wow, this thread has links to a lot of interesting sites, I’m just going to click on a few…

12:00 am. Textbook is still open to page 307. Rob’s inner monologue:

Arrrrghhh! What happened?

Read the whole article.

Porn May Deter Sexual Violence and Increase Porn-Induced Sexual Dysfunction

A new study (July, 2011) reviewed in Scientific American and Scientific American Mind - as well as a host of other sites, including Huffington Post - suggests the viewing porn may decrease sexual violence. The distinction must made between "normal" porn and violent or humiliating porn - this is from the SA post in the Stream of Consciousness blog by Ingrid Wickelgren:

in a 2007 survey of 650 young men, scientists found that users of mainstream, nonviolent pornography were neither more nor less sexually satisfied than nonusers. Both groups felt the same degree of intimacy in their relationships and had similar sexual experiences. 

The men with a penchant for violent or fetishist porn did have a few quirks: they masturbated more frequently, had more sexual partners in their lives, and were not as close to their partners as the average, non-porn-watching male (whoever that is). 

I think what all of these studies are leaving out, and which I see in a couple of men I am working with, is that porn - especially the ease of access to internet porn - can become a very powerful addiction. Patrick Carnes (the first person to talk openly about sex addiction, because he suffered with it himself) offers stories of seemingly normal men who lose their jobs, their homes, their families, and sometimes their freedom because of their sexual addictions. Internet porn may be the most common sexual addiction in America.

A recent article at Psychology Today looked at a less visible problem with the frequent use of porn - sexual dysfunction.

Porn-Induced Sexual Dysfunction Is A Growing Problem

Internet porn appears to be "sex-negative" for many users.

Published on July 11, 2011 by Marnia Robinson in Cupid's Poisoned Arrow

A growing number of young, healthy Internet pornography users are complaining of delayed ejaculation, inability to be turned on by real partners, and sluggish erections.

Lots of guys, 20s or so, can't get it up anymore with a real girl, and they all relate having a serious porn/masturbation habit. Guys will never openly discuss this with friends or co-workers, for fear of getting laughed out of town. But when someone tells their story on a health forum, and there are 50-100 replies from other guys who struggle with the same thing, this is for real.

Read the whole article.

As so often is the case, it's not either/or. For most consumers of porn, there does not seem to be any problems, and despite years of feminist claims otherwise, porn does not lead to the devaluing of women - on the contrary, it seems to lead to a "benevolent sexism," the belief that women need to be protected.

On the other hand, trying to repress one's desire to watch more only seems to increase the desire, as research by Michael P. Twohig, a psychologist at Utah State University, when he asked 299 undergraduate students about their use of porn:

It turns out that among porn viewers, the amount of porn each subject consumed had nothing to do with his or her mental state. What mattered most, Twohig found, was whether the subjects tried to control their sexual thoughts and desires. The more they tried to clamp down on their urge for sex or porn, the more likely they were to consider their own pornography use a problem. The findings suggest that suppressing the desire to view pornography, for example, for moral or religious reasons, might actually strengthen the urge for it and exacerbate sexual problems. 

I wonder how this plays into the addiction treatment protocols that often require a complete abstinence from porn?

Finally, as several authors have pointed out, the use of porn likely reflects the users personality, and does not, as commonly asserted, shape the personality. If a young man prefers violent porn, he is already someone who has violent tendencies, so it's not the porn that makes him violent.

Two final quotes:

My take (Ingrid Wickelgren): a lot of things happen to males during their development to shape their brains one way or the other, to be nice guys or jerks. By the time they start watching porn, their habits are more likely to reflect who they are than to shape their personalities in any significant way.

And:

It’s all about “personal views and personal values,” Twohig says. In other words, the effects of pornography—positive or negative—have little to do with the medium itself and everything to do with the person viewing it.

The Other Masculine Heart

It has come to my attention that there is another site operating as The Masculine Heart - that is not my site, I do not know the person who runs it, and I do not in any way endorse it. I'm not above offering a link, so if you feel compelled to go have a look, here ya go.

The other site is about dating or something - some kind of coaching service run by someone named Ange Fonce. He promises:

THE MASCULINE HEART is changing the way Men view Sex, Dating and Relationships. Most importantly, it's showing Men how to "Reclaim their Masculine Power. To become a Superior Successful Men and Lover in their Lives. And to design a life that excites YOU completely, not just from a financial standpoint!

I realize he is from the UK, but if he is trying to portray himself as competent in any way he might consider editing the page that represents his services to the world.

Here is the self-statement from Mr. Fonce:

ANGE FONCE

Portsmouth, United Kingdom, United Kingdom

Ange is an Dynamic Life Consultant and Love Mentor, International writer. Speaker, lecturer, and Peak Performance Life Coach/ Therapist. Travelling extensively throughout the UK, Ange addresses critical issues affecting individuals' social development. Ange combines his education in Counselling with training in Peak Performance coaching and psychology, focusing in the area of personal growth and achievement. The central theme of his message is the transformation of followers into leaders and the maximization of individual potential. He is the founder of CLEAR DREAMS. Educating people from his own experiences and learnings of what is humanly possible, Ange empowers and inspires people to take action and realize their goals, thus enabling his clients and students to become 'leaders of self'. Ange also works as an active Dating Coach teaching both Men and Women the Art and skill of Dating and Seduction. He also works with both individuals and couples teaching them Advance Sexual techniques and skills. and the movement of Love energy!

Good for him - I'm sure some guys want and need that kind of coaching. And I hope it works for them.

I also hope he is paying royalties to David Deida, who has been preaching the same stuff Mr. Fonce is preaching for many more years - using essentially the same terms and phrases. Does any of this sound familiar?

"THE MASCULINE HEART is for a specific kind of newly evolving man. This man is unabashedly MASCULINE-He is purposeful, Confident and directed, living His chosen way of life with deep integrety and humour - and he is sensitive, spontaneous and spiritual alive, with a heart - commitment to discovering and living His deepest "Truth."

This kind of Man is totally turned on by the Feminine. He loves to take women sexually, to ravish her, but not in some old style macho fashion.

Rather, he wants to ravish her so much love she is vanished, they both vanish, in the fullness of "Loving" itself. He is dedicated to in-carnating Love on this Earth, through his "mission" and his "sexuality," and he does so as a "FREE" Man, bound neither by outer convention nor inner cowardice.

This newly evolving Man is not a scared bully, posturing like some King Kong in charge of the Universe. Nor is he a new - age wimp, all spineless and smiley, and starry eyed. He has embraced his Inner Masculine Core with balanced feminine energy, and he no longer holds on to either of them. He does not need to be right or wrong. Good or bad. Nor does he need to be always safe, co-operative, and sharing, like an androgynous "Mr Nice Guy."

He simply lives from his deepest core, fearlessly giving his gifts, feeling through the fleeting moment into the openness of existance, totally committed to magnifying Love by being "HIS TRUTH!"

Ange Fonce

I'm not interested in helping men learn how to seduce women (or men, if that is their desire) - and while learning some advanced sex techniques is fun for everyone, it works a hell of a lot better in long-term, committed relationships.

The other thing that bothers me about his site is all the rules for how to be a masculine man (and, just saying, when it comes to "traditional" ideals of masculinity, his picture is right up there with the picture of Robert Bly on the dust jacket of Iron John) - we have been handed enough of this shit over the years, we don't need more silly rules.

I would rather help men learn how to be emotionally healthy, to develop an internal "locus of control," and to reframe shaming experiences through narrative revisioning of their lives.

To each, their own - I just wish Mr. Fonce wasn't using the name of my blog.

Tags: blogging, internet, The Masculine Heart, coaching, relationships, Ange Fonce, pick up artist, David Deida, Masculine Men, Superior Men

MensNewsDaily Set to Cease Publication

The online men's magazine, Men's News Daily, is ceasing publication after nearly nine years of daily posts. I'm not a huge fan of the site - much of the material is anti-feminist and politically conservative - but there are not many online places for men, so it's sad to see them go.

Here is the beginning of founder and editor Mike LaSalle's statement:

MND to Retire

Saturday, August 28, 2010

By Mike LaSalle

Simulacra or Simulation?

Since its inception, MensNewsDaily.com has offered global views for a general audience.

In almost 9 years of continuous operation, MND has operated as a realty-check on the Culture of Misandry, but it has never been a “men’s club” — which is whaMND, t (not surprisingly) many men still want and need.

Some years ago, Angry Harry wrote about this in his article, “Gaea and the Men’s Movement”.

The idea goes like this: the Internet now makes it possible to capture and channel all of those millions of men across continents who become interested in the Men’s Movement as a direct result of their personal encounters with some form of Governance Feminism.

Over time, groups of these men would coalesce around one website or forum, which would then become a vital concern. Tensions would eventually split that group like a dividing cell, thereby producing two or more separate and independent groups. These would subdivide again and again, until MRA groups of all kinds were represented everywhere.

So it is that the Internet has been the driving force bringing men together in online groups and to learn about the problem of Governance Feminism.

MND started 9 years ago under the sheer impetus of all of those disenfranchised men who had no where else to go on the Internet. MND was the only game in town for many years.

For almost a decade, this website has conveyed ideas and information that is specifically critical of the Culture of Misandry and other postmodernist assumptions du jour. In 9 years of operation, I would estimate conservatively that 20 million people have visited MensNewsDaily.com at one time or another.

MND has always covered all topics, for all people. This has been intentional: uncommon ideas can be introduced to the general population through general interest media.

Read the whole post.

Tags: men, internet, magazines, MensNewsDaily, Mike LaSalle, ending publication, misandry, MND, conservative, anti-feminist

No Internet For a Day or Two

I will be mostly offline for the next couple of days - until Cox gets me reconnected. In the meantime, please browse the archives for good stuff you may have missed.

When I return, Jami and I should be a little more moved into our new house.

Tags: internet, moving, offline